Ever wondered how to make real friends? In this episode, Camille and Jessie share live how you can use these simple strategies of how to overcome fear and make a new friend who could be a friend of a lifetime.
Announcement!! Join me and @positively.jessie for a night of friends and fun!
Confession: I totally know what’s it’s like to be sitting at home, scrolling social media, when an event pops up in your stories.
It looks so fun! You see all these fun people getting dressed up, mingling, hanging with friends, taking fun pictures, posting stories, getting swag….
I’ve been there. And it sucks. It sucks to feel alone. To feel left out. And especially to feel like I needed to create something so I would be worthy of an invite.
So, @positively.jessie and I decided to throw a party for YOU!
You don’t need a business, a blog, a podcast, a product, a side hustle…anything!
Networking/business events are fun- but what about events SOLELY for the purpose of meeting new people and getting to know them for who they are- and NOT what they do.
So, come! Come share your favorite thing- and come make real friends.
Thursday October 14, 2021
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CAMILLE WALKER [0:00]
Because if you show someone that you are interested in them, who they are, and dig a little bit deeper, I think there are five common questions that are safe, but also can build a relationship.
CAMILLE WALKER [0:19]
So, you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business sharing your voice? How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO.
This is a special episode about how to make a friend. My friend, Jessie, and I decided we needed to do a new Instagram series about making friends and how to do it. As an adult, it can be really challenging, sometimes hard. And we want to flip that mindset and create opportunities and also ways that you can connect with friends that are in your community right now.
We are hosting an event locally in Utah if you're in the Davis County, Salt Lake City, Utah County area we would love to have you join us. So, stay tuned for those details and I cannot wait to hear what you think about this. Also, we will be hosting a Friendship Friday live series for the next month. And if this is something that you want to hear more of on this podcast, please let me know because I think there are so many details for us to dive into. Today, specifically we're talking about pick-up lines and how to find friends when you don't where to start. Let's do this.
JESSIE LARSON [1:44]
Okay. Today, I want to talk about friendship. So, I'm not going to do this chat alone. I'm going to bring on my friend, Camille, so that we can have a talk about something we've been noticing on social media and around the Internet, where we all hang out, around the topic of friendship. So, she will be here in just a minute or two. So, thanks for tuning in and for being here. All right. Hi, Camille.
Hello! How does my hair look? I haven't brushed it yet today.
Well, you look beautiful.
All right. So, I wanted to do a chat with my friend, Camille, because we want to talk about friends.
Friendship, yes. Okay. I don't know about you, but the last little while, the last couple of months, I've noticed a common theme when I've been on Instagram. And there's been a lot of people talking about friendships or the lack thereof maybe. Have you noticed anything like that?
I think that a common question I get too of the most common questions I get are how can I make money from home, which is what I created a course for, and number two, how do I make friends? And so, I think the pandemic more than ever has left us feeling isolated or for those of us who have ever experienced social anxiety, it's brought it to the forefront because it's getting ourselves back into the game and it's hard. It's intimidating and it can be scary. So, yes, the past few months, the past few years, adult friendships can be really challenging.
Yeah, I agree with you and it's just been interesting. It can seem like something that you're alone in, especially when you're on social media and you see people posting like, "Me and my bestie are out at this event." And there's all of these things and you're sitting in your house scrolling. But it's helped me at least to see that it's not maybe as isolating or as a one-person thing. It's something that a lot of us are feeling and a lot of us are struggling with. You're not the only person sitting in your house being like, "Everyone has friends, but me."
Yeah. And I think for everyone that's listening and maybe thinking, "Why does this apply to me? Or how does this apply to me?" Just like you said, it’s not a one-time thing. We all have felt it. So, today, we want to give tools for what to do when you feel it because we all feel it and also a special announcement of what we're going to do to help you with that as well.
Yes. All right. So, speaking of tools to do, if you've been to my page for 2.5 seconds, I'm all about that mindset, all about your words matter, the things that you're saying matter. So, number one, stop saying it's so hard. If you are sitting there and you're like, "It's so hard to make friends, mom friendships are hard. Adult friendships are hard. Girl friendships are hard." Then guess what? They're going to be pretty dang hard.
So, that's my number one tip is first switching those words around and being like, "Okay. Friendship is important to me." And if it is, then your brain's going to be like, "Oh, friendship's important to me. Let's figure out a way to make that true." Instead of friendship is super hard, friendship is super hard, your brain's just going to be in wah-wah mode and be like, "Yeah, friendship is super hard." That's my number one tool is switch those words around. And it's just a little tiny shift, but it's going to put you in the right place to be able to make friendships and cultivate the ones you already have.
Yeah. And I think a lot of times, we might not be making friendships the same way we did in school where you're in this nucleus, where you're surrounded by the same people all the time or maybe you're in your house a lot because you're at home with little kids or maybe your schedule's so busy that you're always in the car.
So, that's why it becomes something that you have to seize opportunities. It may be that stranger sitting at the park with you at the same time and you notice your kids are the same ages or it may be that you volunteer at the school or you're a part of an extracurricular activity or something or you decide to take a class. But a lot of the opportunities that you have as an adult to make friendships take a little more effort. It doesn't mean that it has to be hard. It's just a new path of finding friendships and creating a relationship that can last the rest of your life, which is really exciting.
Yeah. I love that. And I think that the key there is looking for opportunities to be able to make friends because we're at a lot of times, the same carpool drop-off. We're at the same sporting event and we just come and go and pass. And yeah, those moms might not be your BFFs, but looking for opportunities to strike up conversation, to get to know another person, to get curious and ask questions can lead slowly. It's not like one day you're going to walk away and be like, "I met my best friend forever at that soccer game." But you're going to be able to start things if you're looking and being more intentional about those opportunities.
Yeah. Okay. So, I have a challenge. For everyone that's listening, I want you to think about coming up with, this sounds silly, but a friendship pickup line. So, Jessie, I'm going to put you on the spot for this. Imagine for a second and let's just volley. I'll come up with an idea. You come up with an idea. Say that you see someone that you've noticed around, whether it's a class that you go to or you have kids that are similar ages and you want to talk to that person, how do you break the ice to do that? Because I have some ideas, but I want to hear some of yours and maybe we can volley that a little bit and see what we come up with.
Okay. So, breaking the ice, number one, I've made a point to do this, if I notice something about someone that I like, I don't keep that to myself. If you're having a beautiful hair day, I will tell you. I'll be like, "Your hair looks fabulous." And a lot of times, people are really taken aback by compliments. That’s another topic for another day.
But just breaking the ice with that or saying like, "Hey. Where did you get those shoes? Those are really cute." There are simple questions you can do to break the ice. And if someone's like, "Target." Then don’t just leave it at like, "Oh, thanks, Target." Be like, "Target, oh my gosh. I could lose my mind, blah, blah, blah." Then you start a little bit of a conversation instead of a yes/no. But I think if you notice something in someone, say it and break the ice that way.
I love that. I feel like the exterior is something that's very non-intrusive for you to comment on or to compliment on that anyone would love to hear something kind, a kind thought. Never suppress a kind thought. I love that. Okay.
One of my favorite ways to connect with someone and this is any relationship is I will find something, a commonality we have between us whether that's our kids playing together or something in common that we might have or something I compliment them on. And then, I always follow that up with questions that are non-invasive, but show that I actually care about who this person is like who this person is behind the exterior.
Because if you show someone that you are interested in them, who they are and dig a little bit deeper, I think there are five common questions that are safe, but also can build a relationship. Where did you grow up? How many kids do you have? If it's a mom situation, do you come here often? I know that sounds so cheesy, but depending on the situation maybe you're at a class and you talk about the class and you say, "Oh my gosh. That class was so good. This was only my third time. Do you come a lot?" And so, you switch it to them, so that they can take that volley with you and be like, "Oh, actually I do come here. I do do that."
And what happens is if you're showing interest in another person and you genuinely show that you care, that would open the channels for a much deeper conversation more quickly than you might think and that it takes practice because not everyone would feel comfortable approaching a stranger, but I promise you, it works if you turn that conversation as quickly as you can in a natural way to hearing more about them.
Yeah. And that is something that you are so good at doing. That's a talent and I think that comes natural to you. So, like you said, it might not come as natural to other people, but with practice and if you can come up with one to two easy questions that are your go-to that you feel safe with, fantastic. Okay.
So, fun fact. Me and Camille are friends. I know you've seen us on here. We are on each other's social media all of the time, but we're not lifelong friends. We didn't go to high school together or anything. We met as moms at an event we went to. We had some opportunity. And I could've just easily left the event like, "Oh, that was fun. She was nice or whatever." And Camille is the queen of follow-up. It was follow-up, ask questions, get my number, text me. She's very, very intentional about being friends whereas it takes me a second to warm up. I know it probably does not seem like that, but it really does. And so, I was grateful for that because we've been able to grow this friendship over a couple of years now, but it did take that breaking the ice and being curious and stuff.
You know what? I think there are layers of that friendship where in the beginning, you're feeling each other out. Are they investing in me? Am I investing in them? Is this going to be a relationship that works? Because like anything else, it's a give and take. And so, I think that it was something where we had done some events together and I was hosting something at my house. And I said, "Well, I'm putting this party together." And you volunteered to help me. You're like, "Oh, I'll come help you decorate." And I'm like, "Really? You would come do that?" And you were like, "Yeah."
And I think that, your service, I think that that could be our third point is volunteering to help them out. Look for those opportunities to see what someone might need and be there. Show up and be like, "No. I'm here for this. I want to be involved. I want to help you." And that's something you're really good at doing.
I think that that's a really good one too, especially when we're thinking about the things that we're doing all of the time, carpools, sports, mom stuff, all of these things. If it's like, "Hey. If you ever run into a bind and you want me to pick up your kids, let me know." It’s not offering to carpool all of the time because that might be a huge commitment for you, but knowing that you have someone.
I've got a mom like that at my school where since our kids have been in kindergarten, we're not best friends, but I would consider her a friend now because of things like that that we've been able to be there for each other in binds, just little things like that. But over time, that can help grow a friendship too. So, I love that point, looking to see where you can help and serve. And they don't have to be huge things, literally, "Oh, you're running late for a doctor's appointment. No problem. I'll pick up your kids. They can hang out at my house for ten minutes." And then, move on from there.
Lauren Johnson said, "I love that because I try to do that with customers that come through my line of work." I think she was talking about a compliment or relating with them, which actually any kind of line of service, if you're in sales or customer service or something where if you can find a common ground and create that relationship in a relatively short time, I promise you any kind of business or salesperson or customer service, it's about those relationships and that's built upon any relationship building skills that you have in your life. So, that's really good practice, Lauren. I bet you are awesome to see in a line.
I love when I talk to someone in a customer service line. I mean, it can be really monotonous, let's be honest, but where they can connect with you and say, "Hey. I love that dress you're wearing. It looks so good with your eyes or whatever." I don't know. But it makes a difference and that energy just makes the world go round.
Exactly because, yeah, that person then is going to leave and they're feeling like, "Okay. yeah." So, it is. It's a huge ripple effect when you do that, so yeah.
I'll ask you for another one.
Yes. Do another one.
Okay. This leads to something we were just talking about, but it's compliments breeds confidence. What I've noticed and I teach this to my kids and it's hard because this is something that we learn over time. It's not something that everyone comes equipped with. Typically, everyone has to work at this. But when you are presenting yourself in a confident way and you are complimenting and looking outside of yourself, you will naturally attract people to you because they see that confidence, even the awkwardness and the uniqueness and the weirdness about you. And it automatically gives them a free pass to love themselves and embrace the awkward, weirdness, craziness, whatever it is and it makes people attracted to you.
Because when you are confident enough to turn your eyes outward and really see who is around you and what is going on around you, it breeds so much better relationships because you are automatically attracting that energy. And it's been something that I feel has blessed my life when I've been able to turn outward that way.
And I try to teach my kids that where they'll say, "Oh, the popular kids did this and they were mean and they tease this person." And I say, "That might be how it is in elementary school because it's a dog-eat-dog world a little bit, but truly it's the nice, the confident person, that looks outward that wins." At the end of the day, that's a skill that turns the tides of everything.
Oh, for sure. And I'm thinking about that too relating to it as if you are somebody and I've been there before, I've been there where I've been the person sitting at home and seeing people with their friends on social media. "Oh, we had a girls' trip, a girls' weekend." And I'm like, "I want a girls' weekend. Who would go on a girls' weekend with me?" And you totally start in this Mean Girls cycle and this self-deprecating cycle. Well, who would even want to be friends with me and what do I have to offer?
And while you do obviously want to bring things to the table as a friendship, like you said, if you turn outward and you're like, "What are the other people offering? What makes them them? And what are they interested in?" And you turn that outward, then you don't have to focus so much on you and whatever you're insecure about or whatever because like you said, it'll just start growing. Yeah. I love that.
Everyone's more concerned about the way they look. It's like when you go to the swimming pool and you might be thinking, "Oh, my butt, my thighs, whatever the things." But when you take a step back and really think about it, everyone's thinking about their own butt and thighs. No one cares about mine. It's just one of those things that I think in time, you come to learn that more. But it really is a mental game with yourself. How am I going to change that narrative in my mind?
Yeah. I agree. All right. Do you have any more pickup lines?
I think it can be as simple as, "I've seen you around and I would love to connect with you. Do you live close by? I know we have kids the same ages that I would love to get together. Let's plan a play date at the park." It can be that simple. There have also been other times. I have a neighbor. This happened just last week. And I know that she works out because she looks good. This is so creepy. "Tell me about your workout routine because I want to work out more and have workout friend, buddies. Tell me what you do. What are you doing? Can I join you?" Because she lives three doors up and she does the early morning 6 AM thing and I want to adopt some of that behavior. And so, I'm like, "Okay."
When I surround myself with friends that are positive, take care of their bodies and their minds, they naturally are those higher energy people. They're just happier people. Like you, Jessie, you have that positive energy. And so, I flat out just said, "Okay. Tell me your workout routine. Let's figure out a time that we could work together." And it's something that simple, where it's something you can connect on, a way that you can find a time to work it in together. It's tricky. We're talking 6 AM workouts here. But she's like, "Oh my gosh. I'm so glad you asked me. I've been looking for a workout buddy forever. I would love to work out with you."
And just like that, it's opening those channels of that opportunity where it might be nerve-wracking of, "Oh, that's creepy." And I'm like, "I can tell you work out." It's just funny. It's a compliment, but, "Let's get together. Let's work out together." And so, we are going to work out together. It hasn't happened yet. She's in the middle of a challenge with Clean Simple Eats. Anyway, so that was just a simple example of how you can easily create a new relationship by simply asking.
I love it. All right. So, I'm having three things stick out to me. One is compliment or don’t suppress a kind thought. Say something kind. Number two is look for opportunities to serve and just help out, ease a little bit of a burden or whatever. And number three, just asking questions. Just ask a lot of really good questions. And if you need one or two go-to questions, we named off a ton.
Yeah. We gave pickup lines, so you're good.
There you go. Pickup line. I don’t know. Make a book. But one of the things that Camille mentioned was opportunity and looking for opportunities. And so, that is actually what we wanted to come talk on here today. Because like I said, I was noticing just a lot of chatter about friendships and about feeling left out, about feeling lonely, that making friends as moms is hard, and that we all want those friendships, but sometimes we just don't know where to start or how to talk to or what to do. And opportunities are key.
And so, Camille and I wanted to provide an opportunity for moms. I’m sorry if you're not local. One day, we'll go travel. We wanted to put together an opportunity for you to come and to be able to mingle and to be able to connect and share things that are important to you and make friends. So, we are hosting a favorite things party called Friends and Favorites and we want you to come.
Whoo! Come join us! So, Friends and Favorites is all about coming. We want you to bring, we're just doing one. Okay, one favorite thing. You come to the event and we're doing special early bird pricing from now until Sunday. It's $15 for the ticket and you get to come. We're going to have treats and drinks and mingling and you get to come make friends. And we're going to help facilitate that. But really, it's just a chance for you to come and chat and it's in Kaysville.
Yes. Kaysville, Utah. The date is Thursday, October 14th from 7-9 PM. Like she said, it's going to be so much fun. We have a lot of things in the works, different companies that are going to help us out. So much fun. And yeah, like we said, it's going to be just an opportunity for you to come that we've provided you with to be able to share your favorite thing, which is an awesome icebreaker.
We wanted to do something like that because we know that sometimes I've gone to events before where I'm that wallflower and I'm just sitting back. And I know that if you have an icebreaker conversation of something that you are obsessed with, that's such a good thing. So, we want you to bring something that you're crazy obsessed with, a favorite thing. And we have a ten-dollar limit on your favorite thing. You bring it. You're going to share about it. We'll facilitate the whole thing, but you'll be able to make connections with people that either really need your favorite thing, also have the same favorite thing, and have really good conversations and hopefully walk away with some new connections and maybe a new BFF. You never know, the beginnings of something great.
And space will be limited. It's at an intimate space. So, if you're thinking you want to come, mark the date right now and make it happen. You have a month to get this to work out. So, we really want you to be there and it's a Thursday night. We've found that that's typically a good night for people to join us. And if it's well-received and well-loved, we may do more locations like Utah County area, but this is our first go that we're like, "This is going to be just fun."
Yes. We definitely want to do it again, especially if it is a really good hit, which it's going to be. But the thing that's really, really cool about this is the idea popped into my head and literally without even thinking, I emailed a venue and I emailed a person to help with the core. Within seconds of this idea, which is not something I normally do, normally I second guess myself a ton and mull over things. And every single person said, "Oh my gosh, heck yes. I am in. This is needed."
So, if you're feeling that, if you're feeling like, "Oh!" Jump on and please come because I want to meet you. Camille wants to meet you and the stars align and things work and opportunities that you're supposed to be at to meet the people that are supposed to be in your life, I'll get all lulu on you now. They're opportunities because they present themselves to you and don't pass them up because little opportunities can change your life.
Yes. So, if you're watching this, please join us. There's going to be a link in our bios. I'm going to put it live on my account and Jessie's going to have it on her website, so we'll link you to that. If you have any questions, please put it in the comments below or DM us. And we're so excited to hang out with you and create more friendship.
Now, we are considering doing a friendship live like this once a week until our event. So, if there's specific events you have about friendships or something you want us to discuss, maybe how to overcome conflict or how to put together girls' weekends. I don't know. There are so many things that we can talk about. So, if you like this idea, please comment or DM us and we will add that into our weekly Friendship Friday. We didn't do it Friday. We were going to do it Friday. It's a Tuesday.
We can put it back on Friday and it'll be Friendship Friday.
Yeah. Maybe we'll do it Friday. We'll do it weekly until the event because we really want you all to feel supported and loved and know that as women, you are incredible. You have so much to give. Anyone would be lucky to know you and be your friend. And I want you to feel that confidently, so that you can live your best life.
Amen. I love it. Yes. You are so amazing and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend, Camille and all of you listening. So, yeah, link is in my bio. I can't wait to see you there. Let me know if you have any questions. DM me and we'll be back probably on Friday.
Hey, CEOs. Thank you so much for spending your time with me. If you found this episode inspiring or helpful, please let me know in a comment and a 5-star review. You could have the chance of being a featured review on an upcoming episode. Continue the conversation on Instagram @callmeceopodcast. And remember, you are the boss.
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