FEARLESS FRIDAY: 3 SECRETS TO BECOMING A HAPPIER MOM

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CAMILLE WALKER [0:07]

So, you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business, sharing your voice. How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO.

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CAMILLE [0:26]

Welcome back everyone to Call Me CEO. I am Camille Walker and today is Fearless Friday. And on Fearless Friday, we talk about ways to be more brave to show up in your life as a mom and also in your business and kick fear to the curb. So, today, I wanted to talk specifically about how to be a happier mom. Yeah. It's something we all want. We want to be happy. We want to connect with our kids, but we also want time for ourselves, for our spouses, and to just feel more at peace. What does that look like?

Well, today, we're going to talk about three ways to dive into that and feel more connected to who you are.

Number one is to take inventory of the time you're spending and how you're spending it. If you take a look at the hours that we actually have to spend in the day and how we're using that time, do you feel like you are using it to become the person that you hope to be? In the downtime, are you using your time in a way that elevates who you are? Now, this can look different for different purposes of what it is that we're doing.

Let's take for example what you do when you are preparing your meals. Now, this sounds really crazy. What is that you could be doing while preparing your meals and elevate your happiness in that time? Well, for me, I am not a big fan of cooking. I am just not. And this is really funny because the main majority of traffic for My Mommy Style is food, so you would think, "Man. This girl must love to cook." But truth is, my partner loved to cook, my partner who is no longer my partner, she loved to cook. But it has created a big part of our business, so I have to embrace that in continuing to create content for cooking.

However, beyond that, I’m a mom and we have to cook. We have to cook. It's just a part of our life. So, for me, I found that there are a few ways that I can create a better space for me when I am cooking if it's not something that I love. Number one, I might listen to a podcast like you are right now. I'll put something in my ear that makes me feel more connected to something that elevates me or inspires me or sometimes it's just pure entertainment. I love crime podcasts. If I listen to that too much, I can tell it brings me down a little bit. But I love listening to podcasts or I love listening to music or sometimes I'll even catch up on a show. Truth be told, I don't have a lot of time to watch TV, but if I tell myself, "Hey. If I am cooking dinner right now or if I am doing laundry right now, I’m going to save that special time to catch up on my favorite show."

And typically, with kids being around, I'll do one earbud in, so I can still be aware of what's going on in the house and if anyone needs anything. But typically, when I'm in the kitchen, my kids know, I'll just say, "Go play. I'll let you know when dinner's done." And creating space for that, it feels a little bit more like me time when you stack it with something special like that. What are you doing outside of that for you? Okay. Those are tasks that we have to do, so elevating that space, make it a special show time, make it a special podcast time, make it a special music time. Those are pockets of time where you can listen to a book, listen to a podcast or find something that makes you feel extra excited about that time.

Now, this really will translate into your kids cluing into this. Actually, this just happened yesterday. I was having a grumpy day with just feeling overwhelmed. The kitchen was a mess and I thought, "Okay. I was getting a little screechy with the kids. I was getting salty. I was getting ornery." And my son said, "Hey, mom. Do you think maybe we should turn on some music?" And I just had to laugh because he really is clued into knowing that that is something that makes me happy. And so, identify those things that make you happy. Are you fitting them in? Are you creating time for yourself to exercise, to make a phone call, to be with a friend, to go get a special drink or a treat or to have special time with your spouse? Those are all things that create that inventory of your space and time.

So, we've talked about the things you have to do. Now, what are you doing with time that you can fill in on your own accord? I like to create a joy list, so that if I’m ever feeling down or feeling like I'm not quite tuned into myself and my needs, I create a joy list. This is something that can take just five minutes, but you'd be surprised at how quickly it can transform into your lifeline when you're feeling like you are down in the dumps.

One of the examples for me is working out. Now, I know not everyone loves working out. Heck, a lot of times, I don't love working out. But when I do work out, I always feel better. And what's funny about that is if I am feeling more lethargic or I don't have enough energy, working out makes me have more energy even if I don’t feel like I have the energy to do it. So, for me, that's one of those things on my list that I’m like, "Okay. How long has it been since I've worked out?" Because when I know that when I do, I am less short with kids. I feel more energized and I feel more confident in myself, my body, and my mental health.

I have always said that there are two washing machines of the mind. One is sleep and one is exercise. And I really feeling like people that say, "Never go to bed mad" are crazy because I think you have a much clearer perspective if you have slept, eaten or exercised and if you take inventory of your life and think, "Man. Have I taken time for those things?" You might realize that there is space that you're needing to fill that creates a better whole. So, that would be my first takeaway. Take inventory of your life, how you're spending your time, both in play and the productive that you have to do, the laundry, running the kids around, how are you creating space for that to be enjoyable for you?

Another quick takeaway with that, well, I still have kids that are young enough that I need to be in the room with them when they're bathing. But I think about times like that when they've been playing in the bath and you can get a good solid hour with kids, if it's rain or snow or shine, if you need a minute to yourself, getting the kids in the bath, being in there with them, and I will do a couple different things. One, I might use that time to clean up the bathroom. I don't love cleaning the bathroom, but if I'm in there anyway, I may as well get that done. Two, I've used that time to read to my kids. I know that might sound crazy to some, but that's the time where you have their attention. Another thing that I'll do if I want it to be more time for me is again, I'll put something in my earbud and I'll be there with the kids where I can just be like, "Yeah. That's awesome. Yay! Look at that awesome bubble," whatever. But I can still be listening to something that is making me feel uplifted. Okay.

Number two, turn off the noise, so you can remember who you are. What does that look like? What does it mean to turn off the noise? I can tell you for me, especially with what I do, social media for me is noise. I can get very distracted by comparison and also tapping in or getting time to thoughts that don't serve me if I'm spending too much time absorbed in imagining a different reality. Now, what do I mean by that?

What does it mean to imagine a different reality? Well, I think about when I'm scrolling on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok, whatever it might be, whatever you're scrolling. And you think for a minute, "I wish I was on that vacation" or "Oh, man. Look at her six-pack and her thigh gap" or "Oh, man. Her kids are always so well-dressed. She always has it so together" without meaning to. And it could be people you love and people you want to support online or whatever that is, whatever that looks like for you, you start to nitpick your own reality. And we forget that someone's Instagram feed is a highlight reel. That does not show you their dirty bathroom. That does not show you their piles of laundry. That does not show you the argument they had with their husband the night before. It is not reality.

And so, by taking a turn to turn off the noise, that can be recentering yourself. So, ways that I like to turn off the noise is I have a nighttime ritual that is really sacred to me. I don’t do it all of the time. I wish I did because I know that it's very beneficial when I do, but I will turn off the noise aka kids are in bed, the screens are off, I try to make my kitchen cleaned and picked up because that just gives me a more sense of calm. The less clutter, the less confusion in my brain a lot of times. And I'll light a candle and I'll set intentional time for myself. So, that can be even just a five-minute meditation or that can be time with a book or listening to a book or even sometimes it's watching a show that I'm really excited about or journaling.

And those are things that allow me to stop comparing and start feeling grateful because writing gratitude or really focusing in on your own space and your own family and the gifts that you have been given can make all the difference in the world of your perspective of who you are and really all of the things that you have to be grateful for.

Now, this is something that if you can incorporate it every day, awesome. If you can only do it three days a week, great. One way that I've found that really helps me to stick to something like this is to set a timer in my phone. I even have an announcement in my house. It goes off at 7 o'clock. The kids know. Alexa tells us, "Time to clean up the house." 7 o'clock is the time of night where I need to switch gears with my kids to start helping them get ready for bed. Because on the nights when I don't listen to that alarm or I'm not paying attention to those reminders, I allow them to stay up longer, which means I get crankier, which means I don't have the time to recharge my own batteries.

So, whatever that looks like for you, turning off the noise and creating those parameters of time. I think time is our most valuable asset, so thinking about, "What does that look like for me to create that space and reduce that noise, so I can be more centered and a happier mom?" That's what it looks like for me.

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CAMILLE [11:59]

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CAMILLE [12:44]

So, number three is to write things down. Now, when I tell you to write things down, what I mean is I want you to write down what you think is a strength of yours as a mother and I also want you to not be afraid to write down what you don’t think you're good at. Now, here's why. You might be thinking, "Why would I write that down? Why would I write down what my fears are or what I'm afraid of?"

This is why. Your brain will very naturally tell you the things that you should be afraid of. It's just the way our brains are wired. They're meant to warn us of danger. They're meant to give us fear. Why? Well, when we first were here on this Earth, there were fears implanted in us to help us keep alive. It was fears of, "If I eat that plant, will I die? If I go outside, is there an animal that might run by and kill me?" Now, those fears don't exist for us anymore. We are pretty safe. I mean, there are things going on in the world that you need to be cautious of, but I think that the everyday fears we deal with now are fears of inadequacy or fear of judgment and that can come from ourselves or from others.

Now, why would it be powerful for us to write these fears down? The reason why this is powerful is because you get the chance to challenge your own thoughts. Now, imagine that I write down, "I feel like I'm not spending enough time with my kids" or "I am an impatient mother. I am yelling at my kids too much" or "I'm not enough. My kids need a better mom." Now, as you write down those fears, you can explore that feeling. Where is that coming from? Why do you feel that way?

And then, I want you to flip it. I want you to think, "There maybe times that I feel like that is a real statement. There maybe times where I feel like there's truth to that statement." But are you allowing yourself the time to flip that and think, "But what else is true? What else is true about who I am as a mother?"

So, maybe going back to those questions of, "I'm not spending enough time with my kids." And then, maybe you say, "Well, okay, but let me challenge that. I've made it to every game this year. I have made time to do homework with my kids. I have made time to spend special time with each of my kids and this is how and this is why." And maybe that's where you can set goals and say, "Well, if I'm not feeling like right now is enough, what could that look like?" Or after listing all those things that you do do with kids, could you look at that and say, "Oh, actually, I'm killing it?" If you're spending purposeful time with your kids, I promise that that time that you're spending is magnified if you can be there and be present with them and you're doing an amazing job. Okay.

The other thing you might challenge is, "Well, I’m yelling. I'm too impatient." And maybe there are times that that is true. I mean, I know there are times for me that that is true and that's okay. But what is also true? When you're impatient and when you're taking those times to realize you've been impatient or you've yelled too much, what are you doing after? Are you looking at time to reflect? Are you improving the next time that you have an upsetting time that you've yelled at your kids or are you allowing yourself to learn from those experiences where you think, "I didn't hold it together, but I went and owned it?" And I talked to my kids and said, "Hey. Sorry I lost it. I'm feeling really tired today and I messed up. Please forgive me." Sometimes moms mess up and sometimes we get impatient and sometimes we need forgiveness too.

And that allows yourself as a mother to make it a human experience. You are a human, having a human experience just like your kids are. And if you can appreciate that moment as a learning experience not only for you, but a moment for you to learn it with your kids, then it gives them permission to own it for themselves. And when they mess up, they can say, "You know what? I lost my cool and I'm really sorry. Will you please forgive me?" Mirroring that behavior is pretty incredible. So, maybe you did lose it. Maybe you did yell, but what else is true about how you handled that situation?

And after writing all this down, I want you to really sit and get cozy with what are your strengths? What are your strengths as a mom? What are the things that you're doing right now that were goals that you had set before? What are some things that you do that are pretty amazing? And I can promise you that every single one of you listening are going to have a different list because we're all different and each of us has so much to offer and so many things that we're learning as we go.

I've mentioned this on Instagram that the word "becoming" is my word of 2021. The reason why "becoming" is my word is because I feel like there is so much beauty in the word becoming and we never stop. We never stop becoming something. So, as you're looking at this checklist of taking inventory, turning off the noise, writing it out, you are taking a moment to really tune into who you are. Who are you becoming and who are you right now that you can appreciate? And who do you want to become? And I really feel like really taking time to step back and take inventory of your life and what it is that you're doing will allow you to bring in more space for joy. It'll allow you to bring more space for forgiveness for yourself and for others and it will make you happier.

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So, gosh, dang it. I hope you've found inspiration from this audio. And if you are inspired by this, I hope you will message me. Message me on @callmeceopodcast or @camillewalker.co on Instagram. And if you didn't hear earlier, I am doing a founders-only price of creating your own virtual assistant business. It is closing soon and there are more details to come. If you've thought about wanting to create your own business and create a space where you are developing time at home to develop yourself, bring in a little extra cash and be your own CEO, remember, I am cheering you on always. You are enough and I love you guys! Bye!

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