Andra Erickson is a certified life coach, specifically for mothers. She wants to help you understand that you are the mother your child needs, and get your mindset right so that you can handle parenting with curiosity.
From this Episode, You Will Learn
- Implementing systems and mindset shifts
- Understanding that YOU are the perfect mom for your children
- Creating openness and communication for parenting with curiosity
- Being conscious of the decisions you are making
Implementing systems and mindset shifts
Our minds have a way of creating blocks when it comes to fear and stress. Andra shares how important it is to shift your mindset and open yourself to new ideas. In doing so, she was able to be a better mother and handle parenting with curiosity.
Understanding that YOU are the perfect mom for your children
Andra shares how important it is not to doubt yourself and your abilities! Your children were given to you specifically, and you are the best mom for them. Keeping that confidence will help you on your parenting journey. She says “Our thoughts are always the driving force. How we think about our motherhood is how we’re going to act and the results that we’re going to get in our motherhood. So, when we think, we’re not a good enough mom, guess what eventually comes to fruition? You’re not a good enough mom.”
Creating openness and communication for parenting with curiosity
Open communication works wonders in parenting and can really strengthen your relationship with your children. Tap into your intuition and use the wisdom and knowledge that you have to help your children. When you do this, you will behave differently, and so will your children.
Being conscious of the decisions you are making
Andra talks about time management and how often we take ten minutes making unconscious decisions such as watching Netflix, scrolling social media, etc. Not consciously making decisions with your time IS wasting your time. If you really focus on what you want to do and how you need to do it, it can help you become a more loving, hopeful and compassionate mother. She shares that when you come from those emotions, you are a better teacher to your children.
Episode Resources and Links:
CAMILLE WALKER [0:02]
Mindset. Why does it really matter and what difference does it make in our motherhood and our business? Well, today, I'm diving in with Andra Erickson, who is a life coach, and specifically for those who are managing the life as a mother of multiples. She is a certified life coach, blogger, podcaster, and has shared the story of how she was exhausted, overwhelmed and stressed with all of the demands of motherhood, and was able to flip that and become a mother full of self-confidence and the belief that she is enough and that she is thriving. And she is now on a mission to share that message with everyone else.
This episode is so full of wonderful ideas and tips to help you live, motherhood that you love, and to really understand and note that you are exactly the mother that your child needs. And that is the truth that I believe full-heartedly. So, as you listen to this episode, you are going to hear a lot of tips and advice on how to get your mindset right, not only in your business, but also in motherhood. So, make sure you have access to the Notes app in your phone or a paper and a pen nearby because we are going to dive in and it's going to be time well-spent, I promise.
So, you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business, sharing your voice. How do women do it that handle motherhood, family and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of who know. This is Call Me CEO.
Welcome back everyone to another episode of Call Me CEO. I am so thrilled today to have Andra Erickson with us, who is a life coach for moms of multiples. She helps them qualm the overwhelm and find systems and routines that worked to make their lives move more smoothly. So, Andra, I'm so excited to have you here today.
ANDRA ERICKSON [1:57]
Thanks for having me. I love being on podcasts and helping out moms. So, let's do this.
Well, I can guarantee you that is the audience we're talking to. We get a lot of questions about systems and how to best use our time. And I want to dive into that. I'm so excited. But first, I want to introduce you. Could you tell us about you, your family and your background, and how you became a coach?
Sure. So, I found coaching, oh gosh, probably, I don't know, two and a half years ago. My husband had just started MBA school and I just was like, "Yes." My twins were seven and I had a daughter that was, man, she was like three. And I was like, "Yes. I get to do some things on my own." Like he's going to go do homework and be at school all the time. I'll put the kids to bed, and then I'll have this time for myself. And that is not what happened. And I felt overwhelmed and I kind of started slipping into this like, woe is me, kind of depression type state.
And so, when I found coaching, it just resonated with me so much. And so, I signed up with a coach. I consumed all of her stuff that she gave out and I then quickly got certified at the same school that she did and I love helping moms of multiples. I just remember vividly sitting in my kitchen listening to a coaching call and I just said, "Moms of multiples need to hear this. They need this content."
And if you're a singleton mom, you don't really understand what is going on with a mom of multiples. It's just a completely different ball game, and often times, twin moms and triplet moms, they don't really take advice from singleton moms because singleton moms don't understand what we're going through. So, that's what is really cool about me is that I get it. I get what they're going through and I can help them come out of the situation that they're in, that they're struggling with in their motherhood.
I love that you niched down with that and that you really tapped into a need that is so specific because, I would imagine, there are so many different struggles that do come with having multiple children at the exact same stage and only having two hands. Let's be honest. That's a lot.
Yeah. It is. There totally is, but there's things that moms can do. And even it's just a mindset shift that needs to happen in order for us to empower ourselves, to live the motherhood that we want to live and I just help them with all of that.
Very cool. So, let's talk a little bit about that certification because this channel, this podcast, is a lot about discovery and going down different paths and those journeys. What was the accreditation that you went through? Could you share that? And also, would you suggest it for maybe someone who is interested in that kind of work?
Oh, absolutely. So, it's funny because I call it the Harvard of Life Coach schools. So, life coaching is not a regulated industry. So, anybody can just really come and claim that they're a life coach. So, going to a school that you really feel passionate about and really speaks to your values and how you think you should coach is so important.
So, I went to The Life Coach School. Brooke Castillo is the owner and founder of it. And it's an incredible, incredible school. I highly recommend it, especially if you're just wanting to go and learn about your own mind, and how to think in a way that empowers you, and how to use your emotions in a way that serves you instead of keeping you stuck. And yeah, I cannot speak any more highly of The Life Coach School. They've been fantastic to me.
That's amazing. I've been interested in taking life coaching, simply for the fact, like you said, I think you understand the way your mind works more. You have a better understanding of how to empathize and find tools that work for you and others. What is the process of getting the schooling done? How long does that take?
So, it's six months of training, of life coach training, and it's all online now. They used to do it in-person, but they've had so many people that are just jumping at the bit to get certified. It's all online. And then, you can pick a different track. So, they have an Entrepreneurial Track. And then, they have an Applied Coaching Track.
And I chose Entrepreneurial Track. Part of me, if I'm going to be completely honest, wishes that I would have done the Applied Track, just so that I could go a deep dive into the actual tools and the coaching aspect of that. I feel like you can get the entrepreneurial stuff in other areas. And so, if I would have done it again, that would be my tip is to do the Applied Track. But that's another six months in your separate tracks.
So, it's a year long. And then, every year, you have to re-certify. Not re-certify, you have to take a test so that you can keep your active status. So, you have to do continuing education. They have calls that you need to attend and classes that you take, and just you have to make sure that you stay up on the coaching industry through The Life Coach School.
So, that's one of the other things that I really love about it is it's not just a one and done thing. It's this community that they form so that you can progress and keep your coaching in top notch because that's what our clients really need from us is excellent coaches.
Yeah. That sounds legit. I've heard of some that are six weeks, really short. And I'm like, "How could you learn enough to really feel like you're settled in to what it takes?" So, I like hearing that. That sounds like a really good process. And for those of you who are listening, we'll link to that below in the Show Notes so that if you want to access that, you can.
So, let's talk about the practice and how getting your clients and getting into that. And then, we'll go forward with the tools that you use. So, starting off the gate, how do you start with getting your clients?
It's so fantastic that we have social media now. I did niche down, right?
But it's kind of nice because us twin moms and triplet moms, we're in a club. It's like we use hashtags all the time, so it was really easy to find people through hash tags, and just start growing my audience and serving them, even before they become clients. And that's the biggest thing is just offering so much value, so many resources, so much of your wisdom and knowledge so that then, they want to come and coach with you.
And one of the things that I found is to all my clients, I was saying the same lessons and the same things over and over and over and over again. And I was doing a lot of teaching on our coaching calls versus coaching. And so, the real magic happens when you can get coached and you can see your brain. That's what we do at The Life Coach School. We don't tell people how they should behave. We show them how they're behaving the way they are, why they're taking the actions that they are, and why they're not taking actions. And then, they come up with a solution to their problem.
It's an incredible process, but anyway, when I provided all of the lessons and I was like, "You're not coaching as much." And so, what I did is I took all of the lessons and the teaching aspect of it and put it in a course. And then, my clients get access to the course and they can learn about it on their own pace. And then, they can come back to me and say, "Okay. I need coaching on this and can you clarify this topic?" And I just bring all of that together for them in the sessions. And it is so much fun to watch a mom of multiples go from surviving to thriving in her motherhood in weeks. It doesn't take long because it's just little things that we have to do differently.
Yeah. Yeah. Implementing systems and mindset shifts, right?
Yes, mindsets, for sure.
Most of it. The reason why the systems aren't working is because of your mindset, right? Everybody knows, like I'm always a proponent of you know how to teach your children. You know what they need, but we block ourselves because we think that we don't know. We think that there's a different system or there's a different way, right?
And so, when we can really tap into our motherhood intuition, we know what we should be doing. We just do. And because we've been giving that wisdom and knowledge in ourselves. I believe God gave us all of that. And so, when we can tap into that and really use it, we behave differently. And I normally don't tell them, "Okay. This is the chore chart and this is the feeding chart." That's not what we do. They know how to do all of that. I just show them that they know how to do all of it, and then they go do it and they just are blown away that it's just simple mindset shifts that have to happen.
That’s fascinating. What do you think the most common mind roadblock is?
"I'm not a good enough mom. I'm messing up my kids. Something's wrong because this is hard." I think that is it. I think that is the biggest. "This is hard, so I'm doing it wrong."
And so, yes, yes. It's interesting because I see that so much, having run a blog and a platform for moms for the last ten years. You nailed every single one. Every single one that I hear over and over again. That's why my main thing of My Mommy Style all those years was, "Embrace the mom you are." Because you are a fantastic mom and yes, you're not perfect, but you are good enough. And so, talk to me about how you make that mind shift change for moms.
Well, we have to understand that we are the perfect mom for our children.
Just because our children are feeling annoyed or disappointed or frustrated, those are just common emotions that every human is supposed to feel. It's just part of the journey. And so, one of the biggest things is to say, "Okay. When you think that you're not a good enough mom, how does that make you feel?" And most of them say discouraged or overwhelmed or frustrated. And then, I say, "How do you act when you're feeling discouraged, frustrated or overwhelmed?" And it's always an action that they're not proud of, that they're not excited about, that they wished that they wouldn't have done.
And so, our thoughts are always the driving force. How we think about our motherhood is how we're going to act and the results that we're going to get in our motherhood. So, when we think, we're not a good enough mom, guess what eventually comes to fruition? You're not a good enough mom.
But if you think, "I am a good mom." You become hopeful and loving and compassionate and understanding. And from those emotions, you act a different way. And I believe that we are the best teachers for our children when we come from those type of emotions. That kind of energy creates way better openness and communication for our kids than when we think we're not doing a good enough job.
Amen. I mean, we can end it right now. I feel like that is the essence of everything because I think what you're talking to and a session I went to actually once at a women's retreat, we were talking about coming from our most authentic self, our truest self. And that positive vibration of energy, where we can really love and connect and push ego out of the way or shame or whatever it is that we're packing around with us, and really connect with those true moments of recognizing our own worth, and then being able to love because we're coming from that place of love.
Absolutely. And this transfers right into business too, right? I mean, everything that happens in our motherhoods is the same process that has to happen in our businesses. When we can come from understanding of confidence and compassion and understanding and vulnerability and openness, it connects us to the people we're trying to serve, whether it's a product base or a service base, it doesn't matter. And so, the thoughts that we choose to think about our businesses, they really, really matter.
I love that you tapped into that because I heard a quote recently where it was that kind of the same thing where it was like, "A lot of times we feel scared to sell or we feel that people get sick of us or they don't want to hear from us." But if we truly tap into believing that we are serving others and that it would be a tragedy not to share what we have and what we can give to other people, then we realize, we're not bugging people. We're simply giving, sharing our voice, and those people that need to hear what you have to offer, will be served. And when you're coming from that place of love, that's when you can elevate to that space where you meet up with the people that need you.
I'm so in line with you on that. That's amazing.
Have you ever tried a cash envelope system and had it fail miserably? Me too. We are big fans of Dave Ramsey down here. We do the whole debt free goal and we are chugging along towards that initiative, but it really was hard for me to keep track of cash and have it on hand in places where they don't even accept anymore.
That is why I am obsessed with Qube Money. It is a new and revolutionary way to budget and save your money to be able to reach your goals because it is a digital cash envelope system, a bank and a card, all in one. So, each time you go to spend your money, you're doing a mental check-in with your goals and also the budget that you have in place. This way, it helps you to cancel out unneeded spending and really hone in on where you want your money to go. This is a game changer for both business and family life. If you want to read more and check out how Qube Money can help you attain your goals, go to www.qubemoney.com/camille. That's Q-U-B-E.
I want to talk to you about your idea of ten minutes of self-care. That all you need is ten minutes a day to really tap into what you need to set your mind right for the entire day.
Okay. So, here's the thing that I think we struggle with as moms and with self-care. We have this all or nothing mindset on it. We have to either do a big spa day or we're not doing anything at all. Or we have to plan a lunch with all of the girlfriends or we can't do anything at all. And here's the thing. There are two different kinds of self-care. I'm going to do a quick self-care for you.
Give it to us, yeah.
I'm going to give it to you. So, I believe that there are two different kinds of self-care. There's self-care that is just for fun. And that's the spa days. That's all of the things that we do kind of outside of us, right? And then, we have this self-care that propels us forward and that's the internal self-care. And it's the internal self-care that I believe most of us are not doing because we think self-care is like taking a bubble bath all the time. And who can schedule a 45-minute bubble bath every night? You can't.
But you can schedule in at least ten minutes of self-care, whether it's journaling, whether it's meditating, whether it's going on a walk and tuning everything out, and just being with yourself, right? There are things that we can do for just a short amount of time that propel us forward and allows us to connect with ourselves. I think so often in motherhood, and I just was on a coaching call with my coach, and I've done this in my business. I've kind of lost myself a little bit in my business because I'm not doing this self-care. I'm not doing the things that fill me up that are fun for me when it comes to my business and when it comes my motherhood. And so, I've had to really bring it back to I am not at my highest self when I have not done my self-care.
Self-care is not selfish. I know you guys have heard that before, but it is true. You cannot give anybody anything that you don't have to give, right? And so, if you don't have love and compassion, when you don't have understanding and self-worth inside of you, you can't help other people get that for themselves, whether it's our kids or clients or whoever it is that we're associating with. You can't give that to them. And self-care is the way that we build ourselves up so that we can serve at a higher level, whether it's in motherhood or business. It doesn't matter.
And so, ten minutes of just connecting with yourself. Meditation, doing a thought download. I like to tell my clients to just dump out your brain and see what's happening inside of there, right? It's such an important thing to do for our lives.
Yeah. I love that, download. Whatever's in there, just dump it out and not to criticize yourself for it, just to let it, pen to paper and just let it come out. I love that.
We have to remember that this human brain is not designed for this modern world. It really isn't. It's designed to survive in caves. That's what it wants us to do is to survive. And so, when we want to do anything, when we want to produce things, it doesn't like that. That's why the negative self-talk happens and the negative voices in our head just want us to not do the hard things. You just have to push that aside and say, "No. No. No. I'm going to go do it anyway."
Yes. Okay. Let's talk about those ten minutes because a lot of times I will get moms who will say, "But I don't get a lot of sleep. I mean, especially with multiples, and I am just so exhausted. I'm moving like a zombie from one thing to the next. How do I fit in time for myself?" What advice would you give that mom?
I would ask them to take an inventory of what they really are spending their time on. Oftentimes, we are wasting ten minutes on social media.
We're wasting our ten minutes on Netflix or movies and we're wasting ten minutes on a lot of things, indecision. Can I just tell you guys? Not making decisions is such a time waster. And so, how you're choosing to think about your time is one of the biggest things that I tackle with my clients because we think that there's not enough time in the day.
And yet, there's so much time but you're choosing unconsciously, most of the time, we think that it's just a fact, and so we can't change it, how much time we have. We just think that that's factual that there is no time. And I help people wrestle with that a little bit to uncover where you are spending time.
And so, one of the things that I like to do too is I go to bed ten minutes early, so that I can get up ten minutes early, so that I can do my thought downloads. And I would rather stop the scroll or turn off the TV ten minutes early, so that I can prioritize me because those things, they're just mind-numbing. They're just helping you check out of your reality and not connect with yourself.
And so, when we remind ourselves that it's more important to connect with yourself for just ten minutes, it's magical what happens. So, try it. All you mommas out there, try it.
I can attest to that. I think that really those ten minutes do take effort because when we have our phones or we're looking at our phones, it's very mind-numbing or therapeutic in a way where you think, "Okay. I just need my brain to just edge out for a minute." And I think that those times are okay and that's important.
However, if you are not watching the time, you can use all your time mind-numbing and not really doing the work of tapping into yourself, and what it is that you really want, and how do you get those things you really want? And sometimes, it's just like you said, the ten minutes of creating meditation and peace. And I know that if you struggle with meditation, which is not the most natural thing for me. I will look up on YouTube five-minute meditation. Put it on and it's so easy to just put your head down, five minutes. There's even three-minute meditation or ten minute, whatever it is. Or there are apps too that you can use like Calm and different things like that. Are there certain apps that you like for meditation or tools that you give as resources?
So, I use the Calm app.
You do. Okay.
I love it. Yeah. I've signed up for just the one time, life time access to it. I love the daily Calms. My kids actually will meditate, which is kind of fun because they have little kid meditations, and they have these stories. They have these spark stories about innovation and creativity and stuff. And my boys, my twins, really like to listen to those.
It doesn't matter how you meditate, how you do it, but just try it. And it does not come natural to me, either. I mean, I've been doing it for like, I don't know, a year and a half now, and I'm still a hot mess when it comes to meditating. My mind goes all over the place and you just bring it back. It's just training your brain to be able to focus on something and to tune out the noise and I can always tell a difference when I've meditated. It's just ten minutes that I meditate, but I absolutely love it.
Yeah. And I think that it's okay if your mind does wander because for me, it's more about the absence of noise. It's more about bringing it down, so that for those ten minutes, I'm just with myself. In fact, I've found that a lot of times recently now, I'm driving without music on, just to allow for that silence and to listen to myself think.
100% I'm right there with you. Yeah. The noise needs to be turned down, yeah. That's when creativity happens. That's when we can actually tap into our creativity and think intentionally when the noise is turned down. And that does not come naturally to me, either. I am definitely a jam out to the music type of girl but I've learned to turn down the music and just get quiet a little bit.
Yeah, which I love dancing it out too. Man, we got an Oculus for Christmas and it's so fun. For those of you who don't know, it's a virtual reality and there's this game called Beat Saber, and it's about like slashing things, and it's like dancing, and you squat, and it's like totally a fun way to not veg out your mind, but use your mind in an intense way, but get your heartbeat going and the serotonin and everything.
And I did that last night for my workout and my alone time. I turned on a show for the kids and I thought, "Man, I hadn't worked out today. What could be something fun that would also allow for me to check off the list of my physical health?" Because I always feel better if I had done something for my body and so I did, I played Oculus by myself for 30 minutes, and it was so fun, and the kids got what they wanted because they earned some screen time. I was able to fill up my cup and get my exercise in,v and I feel like those are the things where you need to identify what brings you that joy and to fit it in.
Absolutely. We definitely need to bring more fun into business and motherhood. So, I am all for all of that.
Yes. So, I am curious where you talk about life being in an ice cream sundae. Talk to me about what that means.
Oh my goodness. So, we so often delegate responsibilities to meet our needs to other people. And so, when we can learn that were actually the perfect person to meet our own needs. It's funny because people are like, "Oh, what? So, our husbands don't have to do anything for us?" No. No. No. That's not what I'm saying.
But what I am saying, when husbands, spouses or partners do something for us, that's just like the toppings. That's just like a cherry on top or a little bit of sprinkles. But when we can do things for ourselves that creates the bowl. Then, we do something else for ourself that creates the ice cream. And we do something else for ourselves that creates the spoon. We always get ice cream. Every single day, we get to fill ourselves up. We get to connect with ourselves and to get our needs met, whatever they might be.
And then, when other people do those things, when somebody else says, "Oh, you look cute today." I'm like, "Yeah, that's just a little cherry on top because I've already told myself I look cute today." And when somebody says, "Oh, you are such a good mom." I'm like, "Yup. That's just a little bit of caramel sauce because I already know that I'm a good mom."
It's when we are trying, we're searching, and we're grasping for everybody else to meet our inherent needs, to feel connected, to feel loved, to feel valid, to feel appreciated, then we sometimes go without ice cream. Sometimes, we go without a spoon or a bowl. And we're trying to desperately ask, get other people to feel those needs, and they're just not good at it.
Okay. So, I love that you talk about that validation coming from within us and I want to tap into that a little bit deeper because I'm curious about how you coach your clients on boundaries, creating healthy boundaries for themselves in a way that protects their own self-worth. Is that something that you help your clients with?
Oh, absolutely. So, one of the biggest things that we have to understand is what are our boundaries, what are we okay with, what are our needs. And oftentimes, we haven't gotten still enough in our motherhood in order to figure that stuff out. And so, that’s another big reason why ten minutes of self-care to get yourself understanding who you are and what your needs are is so important.
And then when it comes to boundaries, we set boundaries when we are physically or emotionally in danger, right? So, oftentimes, the boundaries that we need to set are really not for other people, we just need to set them for ourselves. It depends on the situation and what is happening with the relationship, but a lot of times, especially in business, the relationships that we need, the boundaries that we need to set are with ourselves, what we are okay with and what we aren't okay with. And, it's really important to just get clear on those.
And we've got to like our reasons as to why we're setting the boundaries. That's a huge piece of that as well. That if you're setting a boundary so that you're trying to control somebody else, that is not why we set boundaries. We set boundaries so that we can be more loving to ourselves and to everyone around us. And so, boundaries it's an interesting topic that a lot of people don't understand because we think that we set boundaries to try to control other people and try to make them do what we want them to do, and that's not the most authentic and kind way of setting boundaries.
The boundary is, if you do this, then I'm going to do this, right? And so, it's an interesting dynamic that boundaries play in relationships and we need to get better at forming them, for sure. What kind of boundaries are you kind of referring to?
The reason why this question came to my mind because I was hosting a clubhouse room today. And for those who don't know what clubhouse is, it's an audio conversation where you don't see the people physically. It's not video. It's just audio. And you can host questions and the audience, it's really, really a wonderful place to learn with audio. For those of you listening to podcasts, you like audio learning.
So, anyway, we were talking about boundaries in relationships, and boundaries in work relationships, and boundaries within our own sense of self as a mother. And so, I think it's a really fascinating topic and it all comes down to identifying your values, and then also setting up a safe space within each of those areas. And I think it's just a really fascinating topic that I wanted to hear your perspective on that because I think it's a question a lot of women have because we are, by nature, pleasers. And we want others to be happy and nurtured and taken care of.
But doing that, we also need to realize that we need to protect our own happiness and avoid resentment because I think resentment comes when something happens to us that we feel upset about, whether it was our safety or with our mental health or with demands on our time. And so, to avoid that resentment and live in that space is to really create those clear boundaries for yourself. And I think that that's really empowering.
Well, and I think also the other thing that we have to do is not necessarily have boundaries, but just make sure that we have our own set of expectations for ourselves, right?
Yes. Because we can only control ourselves.
Yes. We really can. And one of the best emotions that everybody can use is curiosity. Why is it that I feel the need to say yes to this? Why does that upset me if I was to say no? What is it about this particular person or this topic or this situation that is causing this negativity to well up in me? And when we can get curious, we can then help ourselves understand what's really going on, the deeper layer, the deeper-rooted problem.
And so, boundaries are really interesting because the way we get taught them at The Life Coach School is only if somebody else is intruding into your life in some way, then you need to set a boundary. But if somebody just says something to you that you don't like, that's not necessarily a boundary, you can just say, "Hey. Please don't say that sort of thing to me or I'm going to leave the room." Or whatever the case might be. It's just getting clear on like you said, your own beliefs, your own desires and knowing that those are valid and real and true and you are the one that needs to be protecting that.
Yeah. That's really good advice. I like that. The curiosity factor. Now, a question I'm curious about is, you said you believe a child comes with an instruction manual. What does that mean? Tell me. I was so curious when I saw you say that.
That's totally true. Because every child is born with a mother. And all of us moms know intuitively know how we are to raise our children. Especially, it's so fascinating being a twin mom because those babies need to be taught differently. They need to be nurtured differently, even when they're twins. I have identical twins. They literally have the same DNA. And they're two different little humans that I have to teach differently.
And so, one of the things that parents are always saying is that they wish that they came with a manual. And when I learned how to tap into my motherhood intuition, when I learned how to access my own wisdom, I was able to learn, be given the instruction manual for my kids through my own motherhood intuition. But a lot of moms, they are so overwhelmed and they're so stressed and their self-confidence has wavered. And so, they don't think that they know all the answers.
And so, that is one of the biggest things that I do with my clients is I show them how they do know the answers and what they can do. And I think the other piece of that is we think that if something has gone wrong, I think we spoke of this a little bit earlier, that if our children are feeling negative emotions that we think there's something wrong. And so, we think that we're not good moms and we're doing something wrong, and it's not the case.
This life is about learning and growing. And when we can remember that learning and growing requires positive and negative experiences. It requires failure and achievement. It requires the opposites, right? The good and the bad. Then, we can just relax and just tap into our motherhood intuitions, and be the type of moms that our kids need us to be all the time. That's just us. That's our true, authentic selves. That's what they need. That's who they were given to and that's who they need.
Yes. I really, truly believe that. We are totally on the same wavelength there. My question for you is for someone who is listening right now and thinking, "But how do I start with tackling that overwhelm?" What is a good first step to trying to be more present? So, that we can be more patient, and then also giving ourselves grace. Where is the good place to start with that?
Well, we definitely need ourselves self-grace in every aspect of our lives. It's okay. I'm always telling myself, "Nothing has gone wrong. It's all just a learning opportunity. It's all just a journey through life." But I believe the best thing to do is start asking yourself empowering questions. Where am I overwhelmed? Why am I overwhelmed? What maybe could I be doing to not have the overwhelm? Where do I need to simplify my life?
Just asking ourselves empowering questions allows us to get empowering answers. It allows us to know exactly what we need to be doing for our own motherhood because my motherhood is different than your motherhood. And it's very different from everybody else's motherhood. We're all unique. And so, we've got to be asking our own selves these empowering questions. That's why thought downloading. If you are overwhelmed, just write at the top of a piece of paper, "Why am I overwhelmed?" And just get it all out.
Yeah. Get it all out of your head and just get curious as to why you're overwhelmed, and it's always the way you're thinking about it.
So, when you're doing your coaching, do you help your clients help them edit? If maybe there are pieces that could be taken out. Or do you simply say, ask the question why, and then where do you go from there after that?
Yeah. So, you're asking yourself why, and I like to get to the deep rooted why.
Yeah. Probably a lot of layers, right?
There's a lot of layers. So, you're going to ask yourself why several times. So, let's just say, the kids came home and they dumped their backpacks out on the kitchen floor.
And their socks and their shoes.
And their socks and their shoes.
And their coats.
And that causes overwhelm, right? And so, then you're going to ask yourself, "Why is that overwhelming?" Do you want to be vulnerable and answer the question?
Sure. Oh, yeah.
Go ahead. Why is that overwhelming?
So, for me, visual clutter, it makes my mind feel cluttered and I express that to my kids. And I will also say to my kids, "Hey. I took a lot of time to clean this while you were at school today." I literally just had this conversation yesterday. "I took a lot of time to clean this space yesterday. I really need you to pick up your own things because it frustrates me when I clean it all and then you make a mess of it rather than just putting it in the bedroom." Yeah, so I'll tell them.
Okay. So why is it frustrating that they don't automatically clean up after themselves?
Because they know better. They know better.
And why should they know better?
Because I taught them.
Okay. And how could that maybe not be true yet? Maybe they don't understand it yet, yeah? Clearly, they haven't been.
Perhaps they don't understand the importance.
See, see? Now, you're getting somewhere. When we just say, "I've already taught them. They know better." That keeps us stuck. But just asking yourself one more question of why? Now, you've switched your brain. Maybe they don't know the importance. Maybe I need to help them with that.
I like it. I like where you're going with this.
We need to have a sit-down. And I think for me, really empowering my children and making me feel less overwhelmed and resentment to them is if I'm really honest about my own feelings. And we all have different sensory cups and where it's audio, visual, I don't know if you're familiar with this concept, but there are certain times as a mother where our audio cup, what we can take in audio, is really small. Or sometimes, it's really big. "Play the music out loud, let's dance." Sometimes, it's really small and I'll express that and say, "My audio cup is really small right now. I'm feeling a lot of overwhelm. We need to turn down the volume." Or sometimes, it's the visual, where I'll tell them that the visual clutter really raises my stress level.
And so, we talk about that and what that means, but I think one thing that's really been transformative for me is having family meetings with them one on one and talking about how we can set goals and create a better functioning household, and that's something that I've written about in the blog a few times. But I think that that really helps with the importance piece that, otherwise, it kind of gets left behind. And so, I think that that's something that we should talk about in this week's family meeting is the importance of that afterschool clutter because I feel like it's a ripple effect for us as moms.
So, here's another piece to this. This is the next layer down. We can also obviously bounce over like we did, but we can go to the next layer down and say, "What am I making it mean about me as a mom? And what am I making this mess mean about my kids?" That they're not respectful. That they're not learning.
And then, you can just get curious. Is that true? Are they not respectful because they put their stuff in the kitchen? Maybe, but maybe not. How could that not be true? Like I said, you just get curious and oftentimes, I have found in my own motherhood, and in a lot of motherhoods in my clients that the deepest layer is that we make things mean negative is, "I am not a good enough mom and they're not good enough children in some way", whatever way that means.
For me, it was they're not going to thrive in the way that I want them to thrive. They're not going to be successful in these areas. Your brain can do all sorts of crazy things in the background. And so, when you can call that up and get curious about all of it, it just allows you to relax and get centered and focused into what you actually want to truly believe.
So, let's take that to that layer. So, say for example, they leave the things out on the floor and that could mean that I want them to be responsible adults and take care of their belongings.
And what will you make it mean if they don't get that? If they're 33.
A very unhappy wife.
And what would you make that mean?
Or a husband. I'm just kidding.
But yeah, I feel like it's kind of that ripple effect of you wanting them to own themselves and to be a contributing member of whatever family unit or partnership they're in.
Yeah. Right. And so, oftentimes, what we really need to be doing is just having more unconditional love for ourselves and our children, regardless of what happens. Because we're not in control of that. Us as moms, we think we're in control of all of that, but we really aren't. We're in control of teaching and loving.
So, what would you say would be a good solution coming from the space of teaching and loving, but also getting shoes in the bin and the coat?
So, my thing is I am always going to be the type of mom that I want to be, right? So, I am the type of mom that teaches my kids to pick up their stuff and then not leave it in the kitchen, right? That's the type of mom that I wanted to be, but not to try to control or change them so that they turn out a certain way, the different energy.
Okay. So, your intention behind it.
Yes. When you're teaching and loving them, it's like,"Hey. I don't know what the heck. Why'd you put your stuff in the kitchen? What are you doing? I've taught you how to do that. Can you help me understand?" versus "Hey. I told you not to put your stuff in the kitchen. Can you please clean it up for the 80th time, right?" Your energy behind it is one of love and curiosity and openness versus control and fear and scarcity.
I like that. So, it's more of a curiosity standpoint that you're coming to it. Like, "Okay, what's going on?" kind of deal, rather than a dictator.
Okay. I'm going to try that. I really like that. Well, this has been so enlightening. I have loved having you as a guest. Please tell our audience where they can connect with you.
Come and find me on my website. You can find all the different ways that you can connect with me on my website andraerickson.com and there's links to Facebook and Instagram. I spend most of my time on Instagram. And I have my own podcast. So, you guys can come and listen to The Thriving MoMs podcast.
Awesome. Well, thank you so much. This has been such a joy. I have loved talking to you and where the conversation went, I feel like there have been so many wonderful ideas. And if you found something on this podcast that you found interesting or you want to ask me or Andra more about, please DM me @callmeceopodcast and we will see you here next week at the same time, same place. Thank you so much Andra for today's podcast.
Thanks for having me. It was a pleasure.
Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode of Call Me CEO. If you found it helpful or inspiring, I would love it if you shared it with a friend. And also, I would love it if you came and joined me on Instagram @callmeceopodcast, where you can join other likeminded mommas like you who are looking to step up in their lives and make it even better. Thank you so much and I will see you next week!
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