How To Not Fall Apart When You’re Holding It All Together For Mom Entreprenuers

Cherise 0:00

So I would say if you can get that support early on so uh you're not as stretched thin, then that's really, really helpful. You'll be able to navigate and grow not faster, but in a more stable way.

Camille 0:21

So you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business, sharing your voice. How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO. Welcome back, everyone, to Call Me CEO. This is your host, Camille Walker. I am so thrilled that you are here. We talk about mothers building scaling businesses every single week. And something that you may know, because I talk about this regularly, is how to accept and bring in help. When you're growing a business, do you need to hire a virtual assistant? Do you need to reset your priorities? Do you need to create boundaries? What do you do as a woman and a mother when everyone wants something from you? So I am the founder of the CEO Mindset of Systems and Flow for the Modern Mompreneur. I do coaching for women in business. So if that is something that you need as a mom when you're scaling, wanting to start something new, whether that's a podcast or a course or something else, I help you to pivot and make that happen. But what's really exciting today is that we have a guest, Sheree Small, who is here to talk about creating that balance. How do you function when everyone is pulling at you? What does that even look like? Because the truth is when you hit income goals and still feel like you're barely holding it together, you can't go on like that forever. And so today we're going to talk about why this matters, why, as a licensed therapist and someone who knows, she's going to talk to us about her practice, the healing point, therapy and wellness, and diving into what it really costs to be the person who you're giving everything to if you don't give back to yourself. So I'm so thrilled to have you here today. Thank you so much for being on the show.

Cherise 2:10

Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here.

Sharice’s Path Into Private Practice

Camille 2:13

Yeah. So you, you in 2020 made a big shift, a big change to what you're what you were doing. Tell our audience a little bit more about you, how you decided to open the practice and what your path started out with.

Cherise 2:27

Yes, absolutely. So my name is Sharice Maul. I am a licensed clinical social worker in both the states of California and Pennsylvania. And we focus on supporting women with life transitions, but also having a safe space for emotional honesty. And a way that I got into, I was always a therapist in the helping professions, but I really wanted to build something really meaningful and I wanted to give people the space to really tell their truth through storytelling and their emotional, um, their emotional truth. So in 2020, I decided I think it's time. It's time for me to really step into um business. Um, I have a nine-year-old son who I uh adore. And motherhood and business has been something that I've been navigating over the past seven years now, and it's been amazing.

Camille 3:20

So let's talk about that. We were ooing and awing and gushing over our nine-year-old boys because we both have that age of kid. And it's so they're right in between that stage of like little boy to becoming a young little man. What have been some things that you have hoped that he learns as he's watched you build this business and what has that looked like in the day-to-day?

Cherise 3:39

Absolutely. I think I really focus on allowing him to see me be really honest with myself in terms of what my needs are. So I really prioritize myself. And the way that I usually do that is I'm very structured, right? Because you have to be. Um, but also too, I'm not very, I'm not too rigid. I do allow space and room for things to change. And I always um, you know, tell Christopher that as well. So we may have a plan and I may have to get things done, but I feel feeling really, really heavy. I honor that. So I really trust myself. Um, and if I need a break, I take it. If I need to move things around, I will if I have the capacity to do so. So I really lean into listening to myself and not just continuing to go abandoning myself through my business. So that's really the main thing.

Camille 4:33

Amen. I feel like as a mom, it's just like you said, you have to create a plan. So things get done, but you have to be willing to be flexible because motherhood comes with so many unknowns and a lot of things we don't even plan for, whether it's a sickness, a broken arm, or you know, a class, whatever, a parent-teacher conference. What are some boundaries that you've put around the place of building this business, but still having that flexibility that's allowed you to do that?

Time Boundaries And Emotional Guardrails

Cherise 5:04

Absolutely. So some boundaries that I have in place, I'm really big on my time, right? Because, you know, when we are navigating little ones, it's like you look up and it's like, oh my goodness, is it three o'clock already? But um, so time boundaries is something that's really big for me. Uh, so if I'm completing an assignment or working on notes or a project, I really honor, hey, it's now 2:30. I said I would work on this for 35 minutes and we're gonna put it down and step away. If I need to revisit it, maybe I'll see um where I can fit it, fit it back into my schedule. But I really honor that time because I I enjoy spending time with my son as well. So I would say time management boundaries and also emotional, the emotional boundaries as well. I love all of my clients. I pour into them so much, but um, when my emergency hours are not active, they're just not active at the moment. And I will, you know, direct them to a safe space if something is going on and they need my, if they need additional support. So I really put those guardrails in place in terms of time and my emotional boundaries as well.

Camille 6:15

That's smart. In fact, I thought when I looked into going into therapy, I thought, gosh, how can I do that, but then not bring it home with me? You know, like having the emotions of other people really affect how I'm feeling. What is a tool that you've learned? I'm just curious with that, because I feel like that applies even as moms, where if our kids are having a bad day, or if they don't get picked for the team, or if their friends are bullying them, or whatever the thing is, it's hard not to internalize that, especially for our children. What are some tools or ways that we can help safeguard our own emotional wellness in that way?

Cherise 6:52

Absolutely. I reflect a lot. So before I react or move, I take a moment, like a true pause and go, okay, where is this coming from? Like, is it something that I can actually control or manage or support right now? And then I'm able to move forward. So I ask myself a few questions. Um, like, how can I best support this without me kind of getting tangled in this, right? And then I'll take a few minutes. I always take a moment. So no one gets an immediate reply from me. And even sometimes with my son, if he's having difficulty expressing his feelings and emotions, I take a moment too, and then I try to approach him and say, hey, what is it that you need? How can I support you? Same way with my clients as well. Um, I assess myself first because I think that's when I show up the best, and I'm able to give the best support, is when I'm actually slowing down myself, then responding to them. So I would say ask yourself those, you know, questions. Be honest with where you are in that day, that moment, um, that time, and then we can figure out how to respond or react.

Handling Public Meltdowns With Calm

Camille 7:54

I love that you just said this because just yesterday, my friend and I have a second podcast called Five Minute Meditations for Kids. Oh, I love that. And we recorded a video yesterday of what to do when my kid melts down. And the very first thing we talked about is a lot of times, if not always, like you just said, it's checking in with your own emotions first because we can't handle their big emotions and help them regulate if we ourselves are not regulated, right? So it was that check in with yourself, even if you need to take a beat away from it, just so you can recenter and then go into the situation. What I'm curious as a licensed therapist, what would you suggest? I mean, it's probably similar, but maybe you have a little more insight of when your child's having a breakdown in let's say in a public place, what would be a good response for that?

Cherise 8:44

Yeah, depending on where we're at, um, sometimes if you just let it happen a little bit, you just kind of let it, you know, let it finish itself out. Like, you know, I kind of let it go through. Um, and if I need to possibly remove him and remove him from the environment, because sometimes they're overstimulated, right? That can increase the tantrum or the frustration. And then we may go to an isolated space and talk and give them still give him room to feel how he needs to feel, but then eventually we're coming to some sort of conversation piece. What do you need? And then if we need to maybe leave the store at the moment, this is not a good time for us to shop, then maybe we have to drop you off and I'll come back, you know, just figuring out ways. But the first thing I'd I'd I would do is let it happen. I mean, something we can't stop um a kid or even just ourselves from feeling how we need to feel. I'm really big on feeling your emotions. I I'm a true believer in taking the time to feel what you need to feel, and then we can move forward. So I approach that the same way in my business and with Christopher as well. So we finish it out and then we move if we move around if we need to, um, and then we reapproach the situation.

Launching A Business During COVID

Camille 10:00

I love that answer. I love that answer because I totally agree. That was something where I'm like, hey, you you need to feel this emotion. No emotion is bad. We want to process everything, but we need to give our body that time and space. So that's wonderful. Now let's talk a little bit with scaling your business because that was probably something that was scary for you to go out on your own. And you decided to do that in 2020. Was that because that you you lost your job or your practice dissolved in some way? Or tell me about that timeline. What was it about that year for you?

Cherise 10:34

It was it was such a weird year. It was, it was, it was a hard time for everyone, right? Because that was COVID. So at that time, uh, I I didn't lose my job or anything of that nature. I just felt like I was furry. I was already kind of preparing to step into my private practice, and the opportunity presented itself um in such a weird time, but it was such a time where everyone needed so much support.

Camille 11:00

And still doing it.

Cherise 11:01

So it was like, yeah. Yeah, and still do, yeah, absolutely. So during that time, um, it just kind of happened in a sense. I did plan for it, but the official launch just took place um during 2020. Uh, and then I just started to build everything brick by brick, and it's been great. It's been really life-changing. That's amazing.

Camille 11:24

What would you say is maybe something that you would give advice to someone who's looking at possibly starting a business like this? What do you wish you would have known? Or maybe what's a lesson that you learned in building your own private practice?

Hiring Help And Using Simple Systems

Cherise 11:35

One lesson that I've learned building my private practice is get the support sooner. I think I started out with um quite a few clients, and I never really realized how much on the back end of building your business, all of the work that you need done. I was, you know, I was a therapist, right? So I'm like, yes, I can get in front of everyone. But just as important as it is for me to be in front of my clients, is important to have a set structure for my business as well. So I think I took a little long, uh, too long to hire assistance and additional support. So I would say if you can get that support early on, so uh you're not as stretched thin, then that's really, really helpful. You'll be able to navigate and grow not faster, but in a more stable way.

Camille 12:26

I mean, this is what I coach people on all the time. So, what kind of help are we talking about? Like I'm guessing maybe someone to help with your finances, maybe it's uh everything.

Cherise 12:35

So from your finances to admin, admin for short. That's a big one for us. We have notes. You have your license, you have to keep up with. You have just if you're virtual, you have information and documentation. Um, so it's I think a little bit of everything. You don't have to start out with everything, but I thought I could just come in and have a few Excel sheets and track all the things for myself, but it was very difficult. So from admin to even a virtual assistant, if you can have one for just a few hours, it it can be life-changing. Yeah.

Camille 13:12

Yes, yes, you're speaking my language. Are there any specific like apps or things that you've used that have helped streamline some of your business, like with appointment taking or um billing or different things like that?

Cherise 13:24

Absolutely. So even with billing help, there's so many different systems out there as well. I know for day-to-day, I I use Notion just for my own thoughts. But if you're in the therapy world, there's the EHR systems, which is electronic health record systems that support you and they're amazing. One of the ones I've been using is simple practice. It's helped me from start to finish. So you can bill there, you can add your notes there as well. Your video chat can be done in that same platform, and your clients have an online portal as well. So apps like that, um, QuickBooks is something that I use as well. I use it all. QuickBooks is helpful. Um, they're like my daily apps that I that I use often.

You’ve Been Holding It Together

Camille 14:13

That's awesome. I just love the nuts and bolts where I'm like, hey, if you're in this type of practice, write it down. It's always so helpful to just even that is a huge thing. Let's talk about your book. So you have a book when you're the one everyone leans on, leans on. And this is about overfunctioning and how that shows up for business owners and mothers. But tell me, tell me a little bit more about this book. What what is it all about? What are the things that you learn in the book? And what brought you to writing the book?

Cherise 14:44

Absolutely. So the title was actually you've been holding it together. Oh, that's right.

Camille 14:48

You've been holding it together. Okay, let's talk about you've been holding it together. There you go. Which is the same idea, which I love that title. So tell us about you've been holding it together.

Cherise 14:59

Yeah, so you've been holding it together is really a safe space for people to live in. I feel like we carry a lot, and it's a journey through honesty with yourself in the world that we live in today. So it's really a guide to how do you create a life you don't really need to escape, but really truly start to live. It's super reflective. So after each chapter, you have reflective questions that go pretty deep. I I love a good exercise. So I do too. It gives you space and gives you, it gives you room as well. So you're not just left with, you know, feeling heavy, but actually tools that you can utilize. And it's some of my story, because I've been through it. It's client's story as well. It's a sense of storytelling, but also support there. It's a soft landing in a time that's really, really tough for everyone carrying all types of things we can imagine.

Camille 15:53

In your experience, what do you think women are most often dishonest about with their emotions, withholding everything?

Cherise 16:01

I think it's truly what they truly desire and what they need. I think sometimes, you know, because we're carrying the needs of so many other people, ours kind of we're last on the list. And sometimes we put a mask on, and maybe that's through performance or survival, whatever it is to keep us safe. So don't so we don't really have to deal with our true feelings of what we need, or maybe it's too much. Or I got the kids or my partner or the business. Um, and I think that's the biggest thing, and that's where the book really opens you up to prioritize yourself, um, and also identify what am I carrying? Is it even mine's to carry? Right. And then that's how you can really start to tell your truth and then kind of live in that space sense of honesty.

Camille 16:48

Oh, I love that. And so relatable for us as women because others' needs are so loud, where it's like always in our ear. We're being peppered with questions and to-dos and fires to put out. And yeah, we just get put down on that list. Do you, as you've helped people through this work and identifying maybe buried emotions, what has been a good practice or a good starting point question that has helped people to open up? Assuming let's say they don't have your book yet, but they're just listening now. What is a good first step or first question that they could start with?

The Power Of A Real Pause

Cherise 17:23

I'll say the question that I always ask myself every so often am I truly living a life that honors where I am and who I am today? So I I asked myself that question because we grow so much. Life changes so much. So, I mean, three months from now, I may need something else. So, am I actually living in what I need now? Or um do I need more additional support? So I think that's one of the first questions. But before we ask ourselves the questions, I always recommend really having the time to pause. So I always say is power in the pause, because when you're able to truly pause, and I'm not talking about multitasking or social media, then pause or get the kids together, then pause, or do the report, then pause, but really scheduling time to get one silence to listen to yourself, and then you can start to ask those questions and really get the true answer. Yeah.

Camille 18:20

Can you give me an example from your own life or someone that you've helped that you've helped walk through the pause or what that looked like in transforming their life or your life, whichever.

Cherise 18:32

Yeah. I would even say for myself, when I was going through a really, really difficult time, for I on the outside, everything was happening. I was like thriving. People thought it was amazing. But inside, internally, I knew I would everything was off. I was not in alignment with myself or my life at that time. And what helped me was nature really helps me a lot. So I would go outside into um the deck that we had, and I just would just stop and just take a few deep breaths and ask myself, Sharice, what are we feeling? Like, what do we need? And in that moment, I realized I was performing non-stop at one point in my life, and nothing really made sense. Um, so I think whether it's finding a safe space in your home or if you enjoy nature, if you have a friend that's a safe space, but really somewhere where you feel like your nervous system is calm and you can really think is um a great way to kind of start that out. And that's how I started. And that's how I was able to look on a little bit of honesty with myself.

Camille 19:48

Yeah, because it's not that you needed any specific practice or thing to like get started. That was the beginning of it, and I'm sure you got even deeper, but to make yourself a priority with that time, right?

Cherise 20:01

That's the number one thing. And I think sometimes we think making ourselves a priority with the time has to be a full day or like a very long time. I always tell my clients and the people that I support, we can start with five minutes, two minutes, right? Like we can work our way up. The whole point is to begin the process. It's too so every time you take that pause, the you'll get clearer more and more. You start to hear yourself more. The voice gets louder, like, okay, I can really tell this is what I need. So even in small moments, take the small moments as well. They count.

Camille 20:41

I like that. You know, it makes me think of when we want to establish a relationship with someone that we love, whether it's a friend or a sibling or a parent or our partner, whomever. We are more attuned to them the more time we spend with them. And why would it not be the same for ourselves? And I think, like you said, it's paying attention to what are my thoughts, what are my emotions, what am I feeling in this moment? And that takes time. And it's developing that relationship with yourself that is so worthy of the time. And it doesn't have to be this huge, like I need a spa day or a whole like a whole day, or like I need to go somewhere new. No, it can be out on your deck and listening to the birds and thinking, what are my thoughts? Yeah, what am I feeling? What do I need in that moment? Absolutely. I like that. What would you say to the CEO moms that are listening that think to myself to that think to themselves, it's easier if I just do it myself? Because I think a lot of us get into that, whether it's like with our business, our home, or things that need to get done, what would your advice be to her?

Cherise 21:49

I would say uh don't confuse like over functioning with leadership and being a CEO mom. Like you don't have to overfunction in order to. show up as its CEO. And what I mean by overfunctioning is that you have to trust yourself because when you start to build systems and get support, that's basically building that self-trust, right? And if we look at it in that lens versus, oh, I have to get everything done, um that you then give yourself permission to hire or get support or become honest with yourself and take a break. So I think the number one thing is you don't have to exhaust yourself to prove that you're capable of being a CEO mom. Actually doing the opposite really shows that you are the CEO mom. So taking the breaks, building the systems and the support really shows that you you're able to navigate those things um better with with the grace and alignment.

Camille 22:48

I like that. And I think it's interesting considering what a man considers what a CEO looks like and perhaps what a woman does and how that can be so different of what we would expect of ourselves, right? It's a lot, a lot more intense.

Performative Wellness Versus Real Wellness

Cherise 23:05

It is way more intense. Yeah in your book you talk about performing wellness can you tell me what that means performing wellness is kind of like what we talked about like oh it has to be a spy day or I have to try something new or it has to be with my girlfriends like no wellness or wellness can be shaped in so many different ways. It depends on what works for you. And I really I'm a true believer in it and I'm a believer in exploring what works for you. So it doesn't have to be something shiny like I gotta get a gold mask and relax. Like no it could just be hey I had time today to take a moment to listen to my favorite song or light that favorite candle that I haven't smelled in a while right or even made that dish that I haven't had in so long and I was able to sit and really eat it in a mindful way right where I can taste the flavors and really be in tune to where you are in the present moment. That's true wellness for yourself and you can figure out what that looks like. A lot of the times we see a lot on like Instagram YouTube do this for wellness or you gotta go here and get a body scan and all of these things.

Rapid Fire Boundaries And Alignment

Camille 24:19

They're great but that's can that can be performative is especially if you have a lot already on your plate how can you create that sense of wellness in the your everyday moments in simple ways and that's things around you I like that you said the simple ways I saw an Instagram I don't even know how how these things pop up in our feed but it was a woman who woke up and had every single tool you can imagine of you know doing the shake plate scraping her tongue the red light therapy the cold face plunges the the steam the yoga the and someone wrote in the comments this looks like every TikTok ad I've ever seen in one place like that she's doing this every single day which good for her if that works for you and you can fit that in amazing but it doesn't have to look like that to mean that you have wellness in your life no it does not and I'm going to be honest with the day to day as a mom that's pretty difficult to do on a consistent basis right so what we want yeah every every day what we want is something that you can maybe potentially do every day even if it's so few minutes right we don't want to have to wait to give ourselves that wellness is and that support is what I try to emphasize. Yeah ooh I love that okay I have some rapid fire questions for you and I did not warn her so if she needs a minute it's fine sorry okay no worries what is one boundary you hold fiercely one boundary that I hold fiercely is I will not answer the phone if I am not in the mood to talk.

Cherise 26:03

I will not I'm sorry if I can if I am in a mood where it's just like I Sharice cannot open her mouth today I'm not answering from the phone I won't I will put my phone away it will be away for hours I'll let everybody know like hey I'm good like everything's fine but I just need to kind of not disconnect but just kind of sit with myself.

Camille 26:24

Decompress. Decompress that makes so much sense as a therapist though because it's like your mind and your ability to like it retrieve information and give back in that volley of emotional that makes a lot of sense and that's fantastic that you do that for yourself because as a caregiver especially being someone who loves to help people through talking that would be hard naturally to do that. So I'm proud of you. That's awesome. It's hard it is definitely hard but yeah it's yeah that's what it is I hold I was talking to my daughter the other day and I was saying to her you are growing up in a time where as kids we had a phone we were sharing that there was a barrier of your mom answering the phone or your sibling answering the phone and it was almost like this I don't even know like a boundary to you where you just weren't available all the time. If you if you called or a friend called it was like there's a physical boundary of someone else is going to pick up the phone can you come to the phone? Do you want to come to the phone? Are you even here? You know and then we could decide oh I'll call them back later or I'll do this or that. But now that we all have phones and people can text us or call us anytime.

Cherise 27:33

Anytime it's like they always have access.

Camille 27:35

Yes it's like I need to respond immediately or she'll be mad at me or I need to respond to this or that. And that's something I'm trying to teach her is that you it's okay to not respond immediately. In fact with teenagers it's a good idea not to respond immediately. So that's a boundary that I think my kids and everyone going forward even for us as adults to create that boundary of I'm not available right now and that's perfectly okay. So I love that.

Cherise 28:04

Okay next one what's one lie high achieving moms believe one lie that high achieving moms believe one lie that high achieving moms believe is that they have to keep performing like they have to keep going like they we have to finish everything on the list like there's no room for error or rest because it just gotta get it done. Like it's is it's beyond me I have to get it done.

Camille 28:41

So I think that's one big lie because we're so high achieving and we're like I gotta get it done let me get it done so I think that's one rule that they believe yeah I agree I agree a belief about success you have had to unlearn a belief about success that I had to unlearn is you should take every opportunity or you're gonna miss something.

Cherise 29:13

Like you're gonna miss so I used to think that a lot like everything like let's go you gotta you gotta get going if it's presented itself and it's they're asking you to do it and it could potentially help you do it. And I had to unlearn that fast because I started to take on things that wasn't in alignment with me. And now that I'm really in tune with how I feel and what I need I look at things more so like is it an alignment versus oh I need to take the opportunity because it presented itself.

Camille 29:40

Yeah I love that I feel like there is a certain time in our lives especially when we're developing something new or we're younger or it's a new business where it's like yes to everything like I'm building this yes to everything. And I think it's okay to have seasons like that and then to get to a point where you're like actually no now I can be more choosy and not apologetic about it. And I think that that does happen down the road unfortunately like it's you have to learn it. Yeah for sure I like that okay a tool you use when feel when you feel emotionally overwhelmed.

Cherise 30:13

When I feel emotionally overwhelmed it's such a simple tool I run a really hot bath bow bath if I'm overwhelmed you'll find me in the bathroom so like it I love a good candlelit bath time and that is the first thing that I'm doing if I have access to love it love it. What does alignment mean to you right now right now right now alignment means to me supporting the individuals that need to hear my message I think that's an alignment connecting with those who need the support based off of um what I'm trying to put into the world right now.

Camille 31:01

And you're doing it you're doing it if there's a woman listening right now who feels like she's barely holding it together what would you say directly to her I would say that you're already doing enough you do not have to validate yourself through how many things you're getting done in a day.

Book Release Details And Where To Find Her

Cherise 31:22

You deserve the time honor yeah your true self and don't forget to take time to really listen to what you need awesome awesome awesome please tell our listeners where they can connect with you and find your book and follow you on social absolutely yes so I am on Instagram at therapy with charice my website is releasetohill.com and that's where you can find my book wait list also when you sign up for the book wait list you'll get resources journal prompts uh self-care tips a whole little pretty package of mental health resources and that wait list is releasestohill.com slash book wait list oh that's awesome and when is it coming out what's the date May 20th is the release but pre-orders will open March 20th okay perfect that sounds great well thank you so much for coming and telling us all about it I love talking with you and this was really fun.

CEO Mindset Program And Closing

Camille 32:26

Yeah I'm so glad yay we'll do it again. Awesome thank you what a powerful conversation I love talking with Cherie so much and it here's the thing you do not need more of who you are right now. It is so much about creating systems and creating boundaries for yourself so that it is not all on your shoulders. That's something that I help women in my coaching with all of the time where I help them find the systems, I help them find the people and I can help you find that great balance for yourself as well. So that's why I created the CEO mindset. It's a seven week program where I bring together women just like you high achieving entrepreneurs who are ready to find that balance and figure out what that thing is that needs to move the needle every single day so that you're not burned out and you find that balance you're looking for. Thank you so much for tuning in and if you found this helpful for you at all please subscribe send me a comment or you can actually find the information in my website below at camillewalker.co and you can message me on Instagram at camillewalker.co or call me CEO podcast. If you would like to be a guest on the show please let me know. You can message me there as well or email me at callmeceopodcast at gmail.com. Thanks so much for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Hey CEOs thank you so much for spending your time with me if you found this episode inspiring or helpful please let me know in a comment in a five star review. You could have the chance of being a featured review on an upcoming episode. Continue the conversation on Instagram at call me CEO podcast and remember you are the boss.