267: Show Up, Stand Out: Building Confidence & Visibility Through Style with Ellie Steinbrink

Ellie: 0:00

I found that it was a time waster and it really kept me from growing and testing and just getting stuff out there. So I've had to be I've had to write a little mantra for myself that just getting it out there imperfect is better than getting it out there perfect, because perfection is going to hinder your growth.

Camille: 0:28

So you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business, sharing your voice. How do women do it that handle motherhood, family and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know this is Call Me CEO week. As we dive into the stories of women who know this is Call Me CEO. Welcome back everyone to Call Me CEO. This is your host, camille Walker, and here we celebrate women building businesses that change lives and also are crux of change within their individual lives, and that's what really is interesting to me. Every episode is sharing stories of women that matter, which is every single one of you. Thank you so much for being here and for trusting us with your time.

Camille: 1:09

We are going to learn a little bit more about style today. I wish we could all be in a cozy room together, like looking at different outfits in our closets, because that's what Ellie Steinbrink is all about. It's about personal branding. It's about showing up in confidence and how you can elevate your business by increasing your personal brand. Ellie is a personal branding expert and stylist for female entrepreneurs. She draws on psychology and branding and helps women to define and embody a magnetic personal style that will encourage you to take bold action. So today, one of the main things I want to talk about is showing up in your business, and a lot of times that can be showing up virtually online, turning on that camera, pressing go. It can be going to that networking meeting, so you feel amazing. It can be when you're a keynote speaker and you want to nail that outfit, so you really feel amazing. So, ellie, thank you so much for being on the show today.

Ellie: 2:01

Thanks so much, Camille. I can't wait to get started with this conversation.

Camille: 2:05

Me show today. Thanks so much, camille. I can't wait to get started with this conversation. Me too, I wish that we could like look at my closet, and that would be really scary. But let me tell you it is color coordinated, which my husband thinks is crazy. But clothes are so fun and I really feel like there is so much that goes into how we present ourselves and how we show up with how we are dressed. And this can seem surface level to some, maybe more to men, I don't know but there really is so much psychology that goes into showing up and being our best self when we put on the clothes that we wear. So tell us more about you and I can't wait to dive into this topic.

Ellie: 2:38

Yeah, we have so much to talk about in regards to style and confidence and visibility much to talk about in regards to style and confidence and visibility. But where my story starts, you know, when I was a little girl, I was obsessed with style and I would change my outfit probably five times a day, depending on what I was doing. I needed to have the perfect outfit. I grew up. My mom was an artist, so I was surrounded by creativity always, and my dad's a farmer, so I understood running business and structure and getting things done. But even though I had this passion my whole life, you know, and as I got older and old enough to dress myself and to eventually shop, that passion never went away. But ironically, camille, there was never once that I thought I can go do something with this as my career. It was just a way in which I expressed myself. And so when I got to be in high school and I was thinking about where am I going now? What is it that I'm going to do with my life? So I went to college for that and spent the majority. I spent 20 years honestly in marketing, most of that time in advertising agencies where I was in client service, but I was in other roles also where I was helping anywhere from a personal brand to develop their own brand and do their marketing all the way up to Fortune 500 companies, marketing all the way up to Fortune 500 companies. And during that time I remember so distinctly, you know, coworkers or clients of mine would say, gosh, ellie, I just, I would love to just go shopping with you, you know, or bring you into my closet, because I know you could transform it. And I remember thinking, yeah, like I thought in the back of my mind like, well, sheesh, wouldn't that be awesome if that would be my life. And it was just such a far off dream. I couldn't even then, you know, connect how that could be my life.

Ellie: 4:34

And it wasn't until years later I, you know, on this journey on my marketing career, I ended up getting to the very role that I thought I most wanted, which was the director of client services at the agency I was working at. And I got this role and I realized that I hated it. And it was probably the scariest time in my life, because at that point I, you know, I'd been married, I had just had my second child, so I had two kids under three. Not only was I exhausted from, you know, having two little kids and just motherhood in general, but now I was carrying this stress and guilt of being in a career that I thought was my end all be all and realizing that I hate it so much and it's contributing to this incredible burnout, and I didn't know what to do with that. At the time, at that agency that I was working at, they had given us access to a business coach, a personal life coach, and it was such an incredible gift because it was in those.

Ellie: 5:44

I don't know if I should have been talking about wanting to make a career move with that woman who was hired by my company, but I decided to just go all in and just say like I am feeling incredibly burnout. I don't know, I know this is not for me, but I have no idea what's next. I don't know if you've ever been in this point in your life where the burnout and the tiredness and exhaustion was so real that when someone asked me, well, what do you want? What would be awesome to you, what would be a dream? And I couldn't even answer that question, and so we had to start smaller and we started to think about well, what would a dream day look like for you? And I remember styling coming up briefly during those coaching sessions, but I was not in a position at that time to even think about how that might become my ultimate career, but I remember talking about well, I would definitely love more ease in my day. You know, I would love to not be going 90 miles an hour every single day and feeling like I've got a million balls in the air and I'm not doing a good job holding any of them up, and so I remember journaling around. You know, what would this perfect day look like?

Ellie: 6:53

My daughter was going into kindergarten and I knew that I wanted to be with my kids before and after school, and so one of the things that came up was well, maybe a role where I'm working during the hours of when my kids are at school would be a great. Next step and I think this is for anyone going through this where you're feeling like I'm not in the right place but I don't know where to go next. I know I remember myself feeling like I wanted to have the perfect plan and idea right there. I wanted to know exactly what the next step was, and that's not how it worked out for me. But what I did allow myself to do is take the next best step, which was to give myself more space. So I ended up finding a job technically part-time, because it was 30 hours a week with a small company where I was the director of marketing. So, note I never did leave, you know, marketing in that I spent another four years in marketing after I realized this is not for me.

Ellie: 7:55

I did really enjoy my time at that company and what I loved most is that I gave myself time to think, to chill out, you know, to have some space in my schedule, whereas before I had zero space in my schedule. I remember there was even because I had gone to such a high pace, from such a high pace, into a job where and this was an hour, technically an hourly role so I worked from nine to 3, and I couldn't bring work home. That was the contract, it was the biggest gift I didn't even know I could get at that time. So I remember getting home after work and I was with my kids and I remember feeling a little bored because I had never had this much time on my hands. So another thing that happened during this time is that the woman who owned this company I worked for. She was a huge believer in meditation, specifically transcendental meditation, and so anyone that worked with her for me, and so I learned how to do it, and when I was working at this company, she would allow you to do like a 20 minute meditation session, you know, while you were there, like over your lunch break, and I remember this one particular time that I was in the middle of this meditation and I opened my eyes and it was as if I've never gotten a message so clearly in my entire life.

Ellie: 9:29

But I remember thinking, feeling called. You need to do something with this style, this passion that is inside you. It needs to come out in some shape or form. It was just such a strong call to action that that very day, I decided to get on the Instagram account that I created for myself and I started posting. I said, okay, I'm just going to post something every day about style and I don't know what I'm doing. I didn't make really any commitment other than I'm going to do this every day until I get tired of it, get bored with it. It becomes a nuisance in my day. I'm just going to do it and see how it feels, which is weird, because that is not normally how I roll. I'm someone who likes to have a plan. I like to know okay, what are we doing here, like, what's the end goal? And for me to sort of just put myself out there and take a risk because I had this incredible nudge was a big risk for me. Long story short, I never stopped.

Ellie: 10:33

About a year later in this company, I ended up losing my job. So it was 2020, lost my job due to the pandemic and because I had already started to talk about style and find my voice. And people were noticing and they were like hey, ellie, can I work with you? I would. You know. All these people that I had known, all these relationships that I had built over the years, were like we've been waiting for you to do this, so can I now work with you? So I was working with people on the side.

Ellie: 11:01

So when I lost my job, it was as if there was no other option for me. It was the universe's nudge and push to say this is time, this is your time and we were talking about this, camille, before we hit record but talk about a seemingly horrible time to start a styling business in the middle of the pandemic, but it was really, it felt like to me divine timing and there was a call so strong that I couldn't ignore it. So I've been talking for a while. I don't know what has come up for you about this, but it was a really unexpected path and one that I probably would have not have chosen for myself had I not lost my job. I often wonder how long would it have taken for me to fully go all in on myself. So I think the universe knew that too, that I needed a push, I needed a hard knock to get me to wake up and say you can do this.

Camille: 11:56

Wow, what a cool experience, I think, with so much that you're sharing here, especially with being a type A personality always wanting the end in mind, much that you're sharing here, especially with being a type A personality always wanting the end in mind, cause that you know, anytime you think of, oh, I'm setting out to do this, this is where I want to end up. How do I work backward? I mean, that's what I've been taught with, like building goals. But the true magic and a lot of times what happens, especially when I interview women here is that it really does come from that place of passion where it doesn't feel like this super constructed I know exactly how this is going to work out. It comes more from a place of, of that passion, which is really beautiful, because that came out so clearly. And to have that nudge a year before, I mean cause gosh, if anyone's ever built anything online, you the first few years you're not making money Like it's just. It's something you're building a, an authority for, where people notice. So the fact that you already had that going is huge, because then you were able to step in it with more confidence. I'm curious to hear with everything that you were sharing with style and building that online audience.

Camille: 13:01

That's something that, especially for people that maybe don't feel as confident in their style or what they're wearing, showing up on camera is hard for most people.

Camille: 13:12

So have you with helping other people, especially in terms of helping them to build their own personal style and visibility. How do you help them with showing up and turning the camera on? How do you help them with showing up and turning the camera on? Because, I will be the first to admit, I've been doing online marketing of myself for so many years. I am so tired of it that a lot of times I'm like, oh, I don't even I'll go to email now, like I'm so sick of showing up every day. Like, so, tell me a little bit more about that. And in a way, I'm I'm a little bit envious of people who are starting out brand new in that, because I feel like such a grandma in the space where I'm like, oh, turning on the camera again. Sometimes I'm in the mood, sometimes I'm not, so tell me a little bit more about how you help women to feel that confidence of showing up in that way.

Ellie: 14:00

Yeah, I'm going to answer in two ways One kind of more a style bend in which I coach my clients. But I also want to start from a personal perspective because it's funny when I look back at those first posts, like I scroll back all the way to the beginning of my Instagram reel. It is a very cringy moment for me, you know, and I'm I see a girl who is filled with passion, a woman who's filled with passion, but it's just kind of like, you know, is not uber polished and it's funny because that is. I'm a big perfectionist and so it's interesting to me that in that moment I was so called by my purpose at that time that I was able to let some of those things go, labored to make something absolutely perfect in my business, whether it was a new program I was putting out or even the work I would do for my clients. I found that it was a time waster and it really kept me from growing and testing and just getting stuff out there. So I've had to write a little mantra for myself that just getting it out there imperfect is better than getting it out there imperfect is better than getting it out there perfect, because perfection is going to hinder your growth, and it's something I have to remind myself. Even now. I'm in the middle of launching a brand new program called the Visibility Edit. It's not new to me, but it's going to be in a group format, which is new for this particular thing I'm doing and I'm reminding myself every day okay, ellie, if you work towards perfection, that is ultimately going to work against you. The goal is not perfection, the goal is to just get it launched and to launch it messy. So, again, I'm a perfectionist, and this goes against every grain in my body, but I also know that there's no better way to growth if I don't embody a mindset that allows me to just, you know, take it down a few notches. Yeah, so that's one aspect.

Ellie: 16:20

Now, when I'm working with my clients, I really want them to understand that what you wear really changes your mood, your performance and your behavior, and this is rooted in brain science. And so there actually is something that happens to you when you have a feeling. So I call this the closet effect. Okay, so you go into your closet and let's just choose any given morning. Some mornings, going into your closet and finding an outfit feels like drudgery, it feels stressful, it feels frustrating, it feels a whole array of bad emotions, and what happens when we walk into our closet and we have those awful feelings is our brain is activated and starts to send chemicals throughout our body. Now, because it's a gross, yucky bad feeling, it starts to send bad chemicals throughout our body and what happens then is that is setting the tone for your day. Okay, and I'm not going to pretend that I've had all good days in my closet. I've had plenty of bad days, days where my jeans didn't zip up, days where I had toddlers around my ankles and I couldn't even think more than a minute to even put any idea into what an outfit could be. I've had plenty of bad days, even as a stylist, as someone who teaches this.

Ellie: 17:46

What happens and I think your audience and maybe you can relate to this is, when you have this kind of starting point in your day, how does the rest of your day go? What are some of the actions you take? And I know for me personally, when I'm not feeling great in my closet, I'm probably not putting on something that makes me feel great, and the things that show up for me is I don't want to turn my Zoom camera on. I might even like wish that my meetings get canceled. I start doing the things on my to-do list that I know are just like productive but they're not needle moving activities. I might be a little snippy with my husband. I might fall off my health routine. I've had women tell me that they kind of like at work they'll just hide instead of allowing themselves to be seen or just going out and talking to people.

Ellie: 18:36

And so then when you start off with that kind of a day in your closet and you're taking those actions, what kind of results are you going to get? And I know for me, the results I get is that I didn't make the connections I needed to make. If I had to go to a networking event God forbid that day I probably hit up against the wall and didn't introduce myself to anyone and left way before the closing time. I probably didn't do the hard needle moving tasks on my list that I know would grow me and grow my business. It leads to nothing good.

Ellie: 19:09

Now, when you contrast that with a day in your closet where you do have something you really love maybe it's a color that makes you feel your best vibrant self, maybe it's a silhouette that kind of just makes you forget about all the things you don't love about your body. Maybe it's a fabric that just makes you feel warm and cozy. Those days and I know those listening may be thinking I don't have very many of those days, but I know you've had some. You know, maybe it was for a big event, you know. But think about how you feel on that day, the kind of actions you take. You know you're like floating on air. You're like I want to go meet with everyone I possibly can because look how good I, look how good I feel like the energy is so different.

Ellie: 19:52

Those are the days, I know personally, when I'm like I'm going to go make that ask, you know, to put myself out there I'm taking more risks. I'm a lot friendlier, I'm wanting to meet up with people for coffee, and what kind of results do you get on that kind of day? And so, going back to your question about those days when you're not feeling the confidence to turn on the camera, how much of that could be related to the experience you're having in your closet? What kind of an effect is your closet having? And so then, when I'm having this conversation with my clients, where do you take that? Okay, you might say, okay, great, you're telling me I have.

Ellie: 20:36

You know, I'm sitting here thinking I have a lot of bad days in my closet. What do I do with that? Okay, one thing you can do, like one practical tip you can take away right now, is start to look real hard at what's in your closet. Are the clothes in your closet clothes that give you energy, that you truly love, that are colors that make you feel great, that give you energy, and that's personal? What colors you love and give you energy is personal to you?

Ellie: 21:05

Or is your closet filled with clothes that you think you should have, because you're a mom or because you're a woman and you should have these things. You should be wearing heels, you should be wearing skirts, you should be wearing black. If you're in a work setting, is it things that people have gifted to you and you feel bad about not wearing it? Is it clothes you bought and spent way too much money on and you're like, well, I better wear it because I spent good money on it, but I hate it every time I put it on? What relationship do you have to your clothes in your closet? And I'm telling you, if you have a closet full of things that don't make you feel great, that is going to shift your day and impact your daily results.

Camille: 21:47

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Camille: 22:50

It's funny that I actually taught or helped teach. I was a professor assistant for a class called Behavior Related to Dress in university, and it was so interesting to see how it is so directly correlated to not necessarily what we think of ourselves, but what we think other people think of us. So we show up differently and it's such internal work that is related to our out outward clothing which is interest. It's all psychology because, yes, there are pieces of it where people will judge you upon what you look like. It is what it is, it's real, but so much more of our understanding of how we perceive the world is what we assume other people are thinking of us. So if we are in something that makes us feel confident, relatable, I always like to err on the end of being more dressed up for an occasion rather than being underdressed. My sister has always said you'll never go to a place and feel bad about being overdressed.

Camille: 23:53

But, the other side is true If you're underdressed, you might not show up the way you want to. So I believe this a hundred percent. I know that anytime I've gone somewhere and I feel great about what I'm wearing, or I'm even dressed for the day working from home because that's how I work is from home that I do show up differently. So I believe it 100%.

Ellie: 24:15

Yeah, this is making me think of two things. One is exactly that during the pandemic when, you know, I originally was at this job I mentioned for a few months, before I then started my business and so we all got sent home and this was the first time in my life that I was not just working at home one or two days here or there because it was a snowstorm there's snowstorms where I live or because this or the other reason, or because my child got sick and I had to then work from home. This was day after day. This was my new reality of working from home. This was day after day. This was my new reality of working from home. And I remember feeling I mean there was, because it was that time, it was the pandemic there was a lot of reasons to feel sluggish and unmotivated and depressed and just not wanting to get up off the couch, but I was kind of doing what everybody else was doing.

Ellie: 25:04

I was wearing whatever I rolled out of bed in. I wasn't putting a lot of effort into what. I was kind of doing what everybody else was doing. I was wearing, you know, whatever I rolled out of bed in. I wasn't putting a lot of effort into what I was wearing. And I found myself just not wanting to attack my work or to even just get very. I mean, I would get a few things done. I was like, okay, well, I guess that's going to. We're going to call it good.

Ellie: 25:23

And I had this aha moment a few months in where I thought I'm going to work, why don't I dress like I'm get ready, like I'm going to work, because maybe that will make me feel different. And so I, you know, I would do my hair and my makeup. I would put like actual clothes on. I would wear jeans, which was like unheard of. People are like what are you trying to do here? Like are you trying to impress somebody? I was like no, I am actually just trying to feel better inside so I can actually show up and do this job. And I'm telling you it was a game changer for me. So even now, even though we're beyond that phase of our lives, there are still many women and clients that I work with that are working from home a good percentage of their time. I still work from home 100%, and I'm a true believer in getting dressed for your day, even if no one sees you. So I have days where I'm not on podcasts, I'm not working with clients, I am just at here, sitting here at my desk. I dress for me because I know it shifts my energy and the things I know I need to get done that day. So I do it for me, and I think that's the second point I want to bring up of what you were talking about when you were mentioning.

Ellie: 26:36

You know people judging you and I really believe that we, as women, have learned how to dress for external validation. It's the only thing we've been taught, really, and myself included. You know dress to impress, dress for success. There's all these rules. You know dress to fit into your environment. When have we ever been taught to go inward and think well, what would I actually like? What would make me feel my most best self? And really, when I'm working with my clients, this is kind of the. What I'm trying to unravel and undo in our thinking is it's not always about dressing to fit in, dressing to meet a certain standard, because how we feel in our clothes matters, and that is ultimately what is going to become your power, your magnetism. You know the special sauce that helps you do the big things you want to do.

Ellie: 27:35

But when, and like one of my favorite examples of this and I'm going to bring this story up because I have done this myself, but my favorite example of external validation is when we need to get dressed for a big event you know, sometimes it's a social event, or maybe a work event, a speaking event women will tend to pull their outfits. You know they'll order four outfits and they'll go on Instagram and they'll say everybody, tell me which one to wear. And I can say this because I have done this too. There is a real need for us to know that we're one. We're going to look good, what we choose is going to be socially acceptable. But when have we checked in with ourselves? And so when I see women doing polls, now, with all the loving kindness I have in my heart, I'll say which one do you love? Because if we take a moment and this has happened to me.

Ellie: 28:27

You know, when I did a poll I can remember it was about four years ago I was doing one of my first speaking gigs. I was nervous about it. So I had five outfits and I put them on Instagram and I said everybody vote. And you know what? They all voted unanimously on this one outfit and I thought, okay, I'm going to vote, but that's kind of not my favorite.

Ellie: 28:47

You know, like if I stopped and just listened to my voice, there was a huge temptation to be like well, everybody likes that one, so I should probably just do that, because I know that when I walk into the room, I'm going to get a lot of validation and that's going to feel good and I'm going to get compliments. And it took a lot in me to say and I think it was like a last. I think I remember the morning of the speech, of the presentation, I was going to go with the outfit that everyone had voted on and something in me was like no, this is not how I feel right today, this is not how I feel most me. And so I switched and guess what? I showed up differently that day as a result. And so I switched and guess what? I showed up differently that day as a result. And so what I want women to know is we got to honor ourselves first above anyone else, and that's just not something we're taught. We have to learn it.

Camille: 29:40

We have to, like, repave the grooves in our brain to think in that way and to really listen right, because it's like taking the minute to be like I feel like when I go in my closet I feel like I will attract to a certain color or what color do I feel like wearing today? And then I kind of lean into that. First to just kind of tune into that which, again, my husband wears mostly light blue shirts and dark pants. Like you could look in his closet and be like, oh, what are you going to wear today? And he'll be like, no, but look, this one has stripes and this one is a slightly different thickness or whatever, and I'm just like this all looks the same to me, but that's his experience and that's he's like.

Camille: 30:20

Well, I know I feel good in in, like a light blue, like that's what I feel most confident in, so he sticks to it. It's almost like without meaning to. He kind of did the Mark Zuckerberg or I guess it was the who did it where they were the same the.

Ellie: 30:36

Steve Jobs yeah, where he was like the same shirt and pants.

Camille: 30:39

So it's like less decision fatigue, which all the power to him. He feels great in that color and he sticks to it. So I think it's really interesting about making it internal of really how do I feel today and what would make me feel amazing? And it's that whole Marie Kondo, like editing what don't I love. What has someone given me? In fact, right now, as you were saying that my sister has given me dresses and different things that I know she spent a lot of money on and she gave to me and I still haven't worn it and it's been like three years.

Camille: 31:08

I'm like, oh, I should really go through and edit yes, yes, that's giving me good motivation, because that can we put out like stories in the way of really claiming what we want and it we don't talk about it enough.

Ellie: 31:22

Yeah, so you talked about decision fatigue and I really believe that a lot of the stress we have in our closets in terms of deciding what to wear is related to this, because what's going through our head is not just what would I like to wear today, what would me feel like me feel great it's. Where am I going? What's the dress there? What is everyone else going to be wearing? If I should probably wear that, you know, I mean the number of times I get questions about I'm going to this event what should I wear? Because this is the dress code. And even you know, when I'm working with my clients and we get to the point of where we're shopping and they're doing a try on, you know they'll put something on that. I've helped shop for them. And the first question is you know, what do you think? And I'll say you know, while I understand in my process, they're seeking my input and wanting to learn from the process, I will always just say to them well, how do you feel? Because I want them to be trained, to learn that your needs and your desires come first. But the other aspect of this decision fatigue and I think we've kind of been dancing around this, camille, this whole conversation. But there are really some deep rooted beliefs about style and about our bodies that sometimes we've gathered from the time that we were little girls. Beliefs then end up, you know, kind of taking over and we get fears around. Well, if I don't follow that rule or that standard, if I move away from that, I'm scared this might happen and then, as a result, we end up self-sabotaging.

Ellie: 33:01

So one example I can share from my childhood so I was 14 years old and I had two experiences during this year. I was a freshman in high school that would change how I dressed for the next 30 years, oh, wow. So uh. The first instance was this day long music. I'm a trumpet player, so it was a day long music competition at my school and I had been preparing so hard for it. And I remember going into a solo performance that day and I came out stepped out of the classroom because that's where you know, where I performed in a classroom, stepped out, and was going to talk to my trumpet coach and I remember him going through all sorts of feedback and I was feeling good, you know, feeling like, okay, I nailed it. And then the very last thing he said to me is you know, ellie, the next time you perform, I want to make sure that you wear something. I was wearing a dress that day. I want to make sure you're wearing a dress that is a little bit longer or that you're wearing pants, because when you, I know everybody can't see me, but when you raise your arms to play, your skirt gets even shorter.

Ellie: 34:08

And I remember, being the perfectionist and the higher high achiever that I am, I was completely mortified and all of a sudden, instead of thinking about what I could do to fine tune my performance and feeling great about what I did, I was obsessing over oh my gosh, was the judge only looking at my legs? Or, you know, was he totally distracted this whole time and did he even get anything out of this performance? And that day, because it was my school and I happened to live across the street from the school, I marched home immediately, I changed into a pant outfit and I came back and finished the rest of my day. So that was one instance that I started to think wow, okay, what I'm wearing is maybe distracting from who I am or the talents I have to give to the world.

Ellie: 34:53

So later that year, I was just passing between classes on a normal school day and that day. So this is the 90s. I'm going to date myself. This is the 90s and I was wearing a kilt, skirt and combat boots, which was very in style at the time.

Ellie: 35:11

Yeah, I was feeling very good and I heard a voice behind me, which I knew to be my male science teacher, say those legs go all the way up. And you guys I'm telling you this was my mom would not have let me wore a really, really short skirt. This was, like you know, I hit the end of my fingertips sort of skirt. But in my mind I think I silently made a decision that day that I'm done with short skirts or dresses, because I don't like how this is making me feel. I'm worried about how people are perceiving me. I want them to see me as competent and skilled and talented and all the great qualities. I feel like everyone is only just seeing my body and it really bothered me. And so what that turned so?

Ellie: 35:59

This belief of if you wear short skirts, you get negative, you get attention you don't like and it distracts from who you are. That was my silent belief at that time when I was 14. So then my actions started to be when I would shop, I would avoid shopping for really anything above the knee. If I happened to bring something home, you know like somehow, you know I got through that courage. You know that I had courage to bring it home. If it got into my closet, I would put it on that day. I would end up changing halfway through the day. If it got into my closet, I would put it on that day. I would end up changing halfway through the day.

Ellie: 36:36

And when I started doing this work with women, I had the realization that this was a story that had been present for me for 30 years. Wow, and it was time to let it go, because those experiences and that feedback and that belief that wearing short anything above the knee is going to lead to bad things essentially that is a belief I need to let go. And so when you stop to think about it and actually when I do this work on myself and I do it with my clients, it's not just one rule or belief or standard that comes up. It's like 20. You know it's like being thin is beautiful, wearing black is the most professional. I can't wear horizontal stripes because of my size. My mom never told me to never show your body. You know, don't be too sexy.

Ellie: 37:17

Like, if you stop and think about it, the number of rules we've been given as women, as moms, as leaders, as women in their thirties, as women in their forties as women in their fifties. The rules are endless, oh yeah. And you get to a point where you're trying to follow all the rules and do everything right, and then how are you able to even find a style that feels expressive and feels true to you when you're dealing with all of this junk in your head? So what I'm describing is actually something I can share with the audience. There's a free download I had it's called the Style Mindset Reset where you can start to get curious and do some journaling around. What are these rules for you? I've kind of got an area for you to brainstorm, two categories where I see a lot of rules come up. One is cultural and the other is familial and you can start to write down and figure out. Get curious, because I think first, just being aware of what is driving your decisions and what is holding you back is the first step to transformation.

Camille: 38:25

That's so powerful and such an internal dialogue that I think what you're talking about.

Camille: 38:30

My daughter is now 14 and I'm just like, oh, what are the stories that she's?

Camille: 38:35

I feel like that's such a monumental time in our lives where we really start to cling on to one thing that someone says in this one circumstance and we it becomes a part of our story, like our brain at the formation of it, the time that we are the puberty, whatever.

Camille: 38:47

A part of our story like our brain at the formation of it, the time that we are the puberty, whatever. So I feel like that's so relatable and so interesting to make it internal work and to take a pause and really say what are these stories that I'm, that I'm thinking of myself and how can I show up as the best version of me? But that takes some internal work, which I love that we are in that place in this conversation, because showing up as our best self really starts from within, just like anything else showing up for ourselves in our relationships or in our businesses or in the way that we dress. So, gosh, this has been so good, ellie. I'm so excited for everyone to hear where they can learn more about you and more about your visibility edit that you have coming up as well.

Ellie: 39:34

Yes, I'd love to share. Thank you for asking so you can find me. I'm most active on Instagram and LinkedIn. So on Instagram I'm at styledecoded and then you can find me on LinkedIn under my name, ellie Steinbrink. You mentioned the Visibility Edit. Thank you so much. I'm really excited about this.

Ellie: 39:56

The Visibility Edit is an eight-week group program, small group, no more than 12 women. I want it to be an intimate experience. The work that I was just talking about, the mindset and the inner work that's required to cultivate and be aware of before you ever step a foot into the store, is really the place where I have seen, in my years of working with hundreds of women on a one-to-one basis, that is actually where the transformation occurs is that first foundational work where we're getting curious about what do I even like, instead of external validation. We're getting curious about what colors energize me. We're getting curious about what silhouettes would make me feel my best. We're being aware of what stories have ruled our decisions. That is actually the magic work and so that when we do get to the point of stepping into the store, a really beautiful transformation can occur.

Ellie: 40:52

So all of that foundational work is going to be put into this eight-week program and it's called the Visibility Edit. So doors are opening early July and then the program actually launches in mid-September. So I would love if anybody is really resonating with this message and feels like they're ready for that kind of a transformation inward to your outward. I'd love for you to join me. So thanks, camille, for asking.

Camille: 41:17

Yeah, you're so welcome and thank you everyone for tuning in. If you found this helpful, please share this episode with a friend. It's always helpful for any review or making sure you're subscribed so you can be inspired for more stories like this with Ellie. So thank you so much for tuning in and we will see you all next time. And thank you, ellie, thanks Camille. Hey CEOs, thank you so much for spending your time with me. If you found this episode inspiring or helpful, please let me know in a comment and a five-star review. You could have the chance of being a featured review on an upcoming episode. Continue the conversation on Instagram at callmeceopodcast, and remember you are the boss.