How to Find Peace During The Holidays Episode 1: Reframing Expectations

CAMILLE WALKER [0:00]

I was filled with so much emotion. If I start talking too much, it's going to make me cry.

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CAMILLE [0:13]

So, you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business sharing your voice? How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO.

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CAMILLE [0:35]

Welcome back to Call Me CEO. This is Camille Walker, your host. And these next set of episodes that I'm doing over the next few weeks are all about creating peace and creating space within your life and your business to create harmony and to reduce stress. It's easier said than done, but I'm going to break these up into very short segmented episodes, so that you can listen to them one at a time or you can listen to them back-to-back, depending on when you're listening to them.

Now, most often, I share on this podcast stories of women and mothers that are building businesses and chasing after their dreams. But I often find that this podcast becomes storytelling of when and how women were able to push and when they were able to receive. And that goes with both knowing what your limitations are and also creating boundaries.

Now, I'll be honest. A lot of times, it takes a while. If you're starting something new and you know you're a solo team, you don’t have time to hire out or to create a team around yourself, you're doing all the things and there have been many episodes where we talked about how to overcome burnout or what to do to help you find peace within that space and honestly, sometimes it does come later after that first burst of craziness.

So, let's talk about how you can create peace during the holidays. This is a special time of year where there are a lot of expectations that are placed upon us. And truth be told, we know that this year has been far from normal. We're still creating what gathering together as a group looks like, so let's break down what it can look like for you and how you can bring more peace into your life.

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CAMILLE [2:27]

For this episode, we're going to be speaking specifically about how to refocus our expectations. Refocusing expectations can apply to yourself personally, what you have the capacity to do. We're going to talk about that a little bit in a minute and also expectations of your family, your extended family, of the way things have gone in the past, perhaps the way things you want to go with your little family moving into the future.

And when we think about expectations, it can be a tricky thing to navigate because I know that any time that I've really experienced a sense of depression or maybe disappointment or frustration is because more often than not, my expectations have not been met. And I think that that could be true for most of us. When we're having disappointment or depression or negative thoughts is because either we're not living up to our own expectations or maybe perhaps, we have expectations that just aren't being fulfilled.

And how do we reset those? An expectation, by definition, is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. It's also a belief that someone will or should achieve something. And it's something that perhaps we don't always know what the outcome could be or what someone's choices might be in a situation, but we have expectations because of what we've experienced in the past. So, how can we reframe something that we can't quite define unless it's something that we have decided that when we free ourselves from setting high expectations, that's when we can find the freedom for peace?

I want to share a quick story with you. My sister recently ran a marathon, which is absolutely incredible. My brother also recently just ran the New York City Marathon and what was really fascinating to me to watch was their expectations and their preparation. Both finished the race. Both started. Both finished. Both had intentions of what their performance might be. They had expectations of what they hoped their race time could be.

Where my brother is a fantastic runner, he's been running pretty regularly now for about 10 years. He's diabetic and although having to overcome massive roadblocks with having to deal with his sugars going high and low and keeping up his energy. Can you imagine? I'm a horrible runner. So, the fact that he's been able to dig in deep and really set out to do these long races is just phenomenal. Now, he is a planner. He's a worrier by nature. He really plans ahead and has anxiety about his performance. And he does really well and life has served him in a great way for being that way. It's part of who he is.

Now, my sister, she is very yellow. If you know the color code, she's very fun. She does things more for the experience, more than the accolade or the outcome. It's more about the experience and the why. Not to say that my brother's isn't, but she doesn't tend to plan for things as stringently as my brother does or she doesn’t think of things the same way he does. So, when my sister signed up to run this marathon, she knew she wanted to complete it and she wanted to support the Juvenile Diabetes Association by joining this race and this team. And for her, it was more about the support of the group.

And my brother was getting really nervous because my sister did not prepare the way one typically does. She didn't run miles and miles. She followed a program of running three minutes and walking one and that's the way that she trained. But in total, she had only run I think thirty miles over the many months leading up to this race, which she hadn't planned to do it. She planned to do it more, but life got in the way and when my brother talked to her about that choice and he's like, "Are you really ready? I'm really worried about you." And she said, "There's good hospitals in New York City. It'll be fine." And he was just baffled. I just laughed.

It's funny because their target and their aim was the same. The expectations of their performance was different. And they both finished the race. They both crossed that finished line and they were both really happy with the way things turned out and their performance. Now, I'm not saying you should go out and race a marathon without feeling prepared because let's be honest, I seriously don't know how she did it. She's like a real bot in my mind. But honestly, it's her grit and her determination and her heart and she's said that it was the people that got her through that race.

But it was so apparent to me that the expectations of the preparation for both of them were very different. And my sister, Janae, who I did an episode with her, it was one of my very first ones. I think it's like episode two or three, so if you want to get to know her a little better, you can listen to that. But for her, she said, "For me, I said I was going to finish. That was my goal. And I knew that if I stuck to the program of the run three, walk one, that I would do it, that I would get through it. And it was the people that kept me going."

And my brother he did phenomenally well and his motivation and motive was to compete against himself. So, both expectations and both preparations were healthy and appropriate for their personalities because if my sister made it too much about her finishing time or trying to be the fastest or having her mind frame around the preparation solely instead of the people and the reason why, she never would have finished and she said that herself.

Where for my brother, he has great reasons why and he has his own purpose and plan with his race that he's running. And it's so interesting that as I watched all of these runners, I was filled with so much emotion. If I start talking too much, it's going to make me cry. Because there were so many skill levels, so many ages and stages and people with prosthetic legs, people who were blind, people who were barely moving, and yet they moved forward. And I can tell you from watching those thousands of people that their expectations and their paths were all different.

And I think what we can do for ourselves as we go into this holiday season is to frame our minds with what our expectation needs to be for us individually. What are the most important things for you to have a holiday of peace? Does that mean that you are maintaining traditions that have been in your family for generations or does that mean that maybe this year you skip those traditional recipes or those experiences that put you into high stress levels?

Maybe it means that you are taking more time for yourself, doing little more self-care. Maybe it means that you say no to the big party and you stay in and you watch a movie with the family. Maybe it means that you put a restriction or a timeline on your email, do not respond, or that you're on vacation. Whatever it is, I want you to think about what creating a peaceful holiday looks like for you, refocusing that attention because we all know that many of us see the perfectly decorated homes, the perfect gifts, the parties to the nines, but that doesn't mean that having those things would give you peace.

And I want you to think about that expectation and that perception and think about something unique that reflects you and what that happiness actually looks like. And as you create that peace, what that peaceful holiday would look like, I want you to write that down and think about the non-negotiables. What would be something that you would want to include to create a peaceful holiday today? And then, what are some things that are the extra fluff that are fun and they take a little extra work on your part, but it's worth it? Think about it. Think about what that looks like for you. All right. I'm going to end it here. I hope you've written down that list. Next up, on the next episode, we're going to talk about changing your perception. Thank you for listening and I will see you in the next episode.

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CAMILLE [12:05]

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode and thinking about how you want to run your race this holiday season. Hey, if you have not yet, I hope you will follow along on Instagram @callmeceopodcast and also my personal profile that has more mom life stuff @camillewalker.co on Instagram. I would love to talk to you there. Please shout out to me and thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate it.

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