Overcoming Trauma: Steps to make Healing Possible | Michelle Wolfe

MICHELLE WOLFE [0:00]

You get to create your life the way that you want to create it, but you have to change your mind. You have to actually reprogram your mindset because it believes what it believes. It’s been taught this for so many years. Parents taught you. Friends taught you. Whoever it was helped guide you to what you have. And so, in order to change that, you have to change the narrative in your brain.

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CAMILLE WALKER [00:29]

So, you want to make an impact. You’re thinking about starting a business sharing your voice. How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We’ll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO.

Today’s episode is all about healing through trauma and what a mother was able to do to help a daughter, a stepdaughter, deal with the same trauma she had of losing her mother when she was a child as well. In today’s episode, I want you to pay attention to two things. Number one, is there a trauma in your life that you need to heal from and be curious about? Number two, what can you do today to make a positive step towards healing that trauma? Let’s listen in and hear what Michelle Wolfe has to say.

Every one of us will at some time go through trauma in our lives. Now, knowing how we’re going to deal with that trauma and how we’re going to respond to others while we’re dealing with that trauma is a mystery. I don’t think we know what that will be until we’re in it and we’ve experienced it.

And in today’s episode with Michelle Wolfe, she is the podcast host of MUVE Forward, which is spelled M-U-V-E, of how you can heal and move forward from trauma in your life. She’s going to share with us her experience of how she lost her mother to cancer as a child. And now as a stepmom, she was able to help her stepdaughter heal from losing her mother to cancer as well.

I want you to be curious about this in today’s episode of what is some trauma that you’ve experienced or you may possibly need to heal from and what steps can you use from Michelle’s ideas or teachings that you can help heal your own trauma?

All of us have been through the pandemic and that is a trauma. So, I want you to think what does that mean? A trauma is something that you experience in your life that could be a physical, a mental, or an experience that stays with you long-term. And unless you unpack that, it can really affect you and your health long-term. So, let’s dive in and figure out how we can help you heal today.

Welcome back everyone to another episode of Call Me CEO. And I don’t know about you, but every now and again, if not daily, there are moments in my life where I feel stuck and I need help moving forward knowing how to create momentum when perhaps I don’t have any. And today’s guest, Michelle Wolfe, the expert in knowing how to move forward when you’re feeling stuck or you’ve gone through hard things, and she may laugh in me saying she’s the expert, but something she talks about a lot in her own podcast, the MUVE Forward podcast, which is spelled M-U-V-E if you’re searching for it, and I’m so excited to have you with us here today, Michelle.

MICHELLE [3:39]

I’m so excited to chat with you. I love talking obviously having my own podcast, so this’ll be wonderful.

CAMILLE [3:45]

Take us back. I know you’re in Canada and you are a stepmom. So, I think both of those things are not something I hear or talk to everyday. Someone in Canada, I love Canadians and step motherhood has its own batch of unique opportunities as well. So, tell us about yourself, how you got started in building your podcast, and helping people move through emotional stops.

MICHELLE [4:10]

I love that. Yes, I’m excited to chat all the things. So, the podcast really started about I think it was in 2018. It was actually a really, really traumatic year. I had a nephew who passed away. I had my stepdaughter, her mom had passed away. My sister’s house burned down. I had some health stuff. You know when you have one of those years where it’s just like disaster after disaster?

And I remember having moments where I was just so tired, so drained, so sad, I would wake up just crying and every morning, I would tell myself to put on a song and it was always a sad song at that moment, but I would literally just sway side to side in my living room allowing my body to just cry. And I love sharing that story because that’s the way that I learned how to move forward and to be able to actually have one day, there’ll be a day where I woke up and put on a happy song. And I was able to actually move with a little bit more pep in my step because there were so many days where it was just like tears, tears, tears.

And along that journey and along that year, I also just thought about one of the other really great ways that I know how to move forward and that is by helping other people. I’ve always been somebody who loves helping other people. I’m a registered massage therapist. I’ve always been the person who calls up people and says, “Hey, what do you need help with? What are you doing this weekend? Let me help out.”

And so, I somehow got connected with a man who had Guillain-Barre syndrome and I ended up helping him be able to learn how to walk again. It was an interesting thing. I was his wife’s massage therapist and she calls me up when he had this. And yeah, I noticed that he could probably walk again, even though his doctor said he couldn’t. So, I helped him through that journey and throughout the year, he learned how to walk again.

So, I decided to start this podcast because I knew how powerful it is to help people in this way and how I was able to feel better every time that I saw him improving. And so, I started a podcast to be able to share wonderful stories about other people who have overcame their challenges. And so, here we are today with the podcast. It’s been going on now for 4 years or so. And it’s been quite the journey. It’s been quite the journey.

CAMILLE [6:40]

Wow. You just impact so many things there that house burned down, you have family that died, a friend, someone’s not walking. This is life. These are life things, but wow, that is incredibly devastating. What I love about your process is that you incorporated movement and music into your healing and that I would guess as a massage therapist, you are an empath. Am I right in thinking that you can feel energies and people and be able to heal in that way?

And that is such an incredible gift to be able to tune into that and what good timing to start it in 2018, 2019 before the pandemic hit because the whole world was about to go through something incredibly traumatic. Did you find that that was a time that you received more interest in your podcast? How did that season or that arc changed as you went into that time of our lives with the pandemic?

MICHELLE [7:43]

Yeah. I definitely saw more interest and I also want to say that I had so much growth because of the podcast. So, it just really sparked my interest of learning about people’s stories and learning about my own self-help that I got to the point then with the pandemic where I was like, wow, if I didn’t start this podcast and learn everything, all this self-development that I have learned over the past couple of years, I don’t know if I would have been able to survive this.

And that’s when I became a full-time step mom as well during the pandemic. We made the choice to sell my condo and move in with my partner. My daughter, she had recently lost her mom from cancer. And so, we made that choice. And honestly, I truly believe that the podcast as much as it’s to help other people, it’s also so rewarding for myself because you grow and you learn when you hear these impactful conversations. And I’m sure you can relate how each story you hear, even people who are listening, you grow a little bit. You learn a little bit and you improve your own self-development in some way when you’re listening and hearing about each person’s individual story.

CAMILLE [9:00]

Absolutely. So, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the story of Michelle’s, you mentioned that you have a stepdaughter now whose mother passed away and that you have a personal connection to the disease that her mother passed away from as well. Can you share about that?

MICHELLE [9:21]

Sure, yeah. And my whole health and wellness journey really started when I was 8 when my own mom passed away from cancer. And so, it’s really interesting because I lived my life just thinking that I was the strong girl who got through it and I had no issues. And then, 30 something years later, I have a stepdaughter who now has lost her mom from a very similar cancer and she’s 7 years old when she lost her mom.

And so, it’s been quite a journey really diving into how to help her especially because I never had a stepmom that was involved in my life. And so, as much as I had family and friends, it’s not the same as a mother figure. And so, now I’m figuring out that I was alone all the time. I didn’t have anybody to help me through any major life moment. I was alone and I never thought I had a problem until now I see my stepdaughter and I started having these moments like once or twice a moment where I would lose it. I would start getting angry.

And even with her, I would have a lot of jealousy almost like I would have feelings of like, “You’re a spoiled little brat,” but that’s not me. I would never want to think that of somebody or especially of my daughter, I love her so much, but I kept having these thoughts in my head. And I was like, why is this happening?

So, I’ve actually started doing trauma therapy, which has been life changing. And again, it comes back to really just hearing about other people who have gone through it and who have healed, who have done therapy, and how that has helped them. It makes it comfortable knowing that other people are doing it too and that it’s such a beautiful thing when you can process those traumas to be able to live better. And I will tell you our relationship is way stronger. It has completely transformed everything. And I feel like I’m totally going so many spaces here because I have so much to share with you.

CAMILLE [11:29]

No, I appreciate that. Again, there’s a lot to talk about there. So, for everyone that’s listening right now and has gone through a trauma, which I think most have. There’s something that may have happened in your childhood or now in your adult life. We all have times where we have to recover from some sort of a trauma. And so, I would love to hear from your experience and also from the experiences shared with you, what are some of the best steps for approaching trauma for yourself and also creating healing for the trauma that your children may have experienced as well?

MICHELLE [12:07]

Okay. I love that question. And before I dive into that, I do want to say for anybody, like you mentioned, everybody does have trauma, I never want you to look at my trauma, being such a big trauma losing your mother which is one of the hardest things that a child can go through, any less than what you went through. Even having a boy calling you names at school can be this impactful event that completely changes your life direction just because of the way that you respond to it and the way that life goes. So, whatever your trauma is, big, small, whatever it is, it is important and it has a point to be looked at.

So, my biggest thing I would say is really being open to the possibility of I guess it’s more so being curious. Being curious of the fact of improving in some way, being curious of trying modalities, being curious about why you have those thoughts or why you act that certain way. Why are you reactive? Where did that come from?

I’m figuring out, for instance, that apparently my mom was a monster, would scream, and I don’t remember that because she was so loving and so kind and just the most amazing human on earth, but towards the kids, she was a screamer like towards my siblings and I. And so, it just reminds us that we’re all human. We are not perfect and that our traumas really do affect us in so many different ways.

So, I would strongly advise trauma therapy. It has changed my world, my relationships, my career, my financial status all because of doing this. It’s called, shoot, I can’t even remember what it’s called right now. Not human design, that’s another thing. There are so many modalities that I have tried. And again, it just comes back to just I think being curious.

CAMILLE [14:01]

Is it like shadow work? Like inner child shadow work or is it something different?

MICHELLE [14:09]

That’s not it, but that sounds very similar to what it is. I will think about it. Gabby Bernstein just started doing it as well, so I was like, this is cool. I’m doing this. And the polyvagal theory, so it’s basically putting you, yes, in that trauma so your mind goes back into that trauma and you go into a position. Your body goes into a position of discomfort and you sit with it and you see, where did that come from or why were you in pain in that position?

And then, a story comes up from your childhood. And then, instead of being in it and being sad, we look at a way to actually relive that trauma by having support and by maybe doing something that make you feel good. So, let’s say if you were sexually assaulted, something like that, it’s by you fighting back and using your voice and saying no and actually getting up, actually getting out of the circumstance or hurting the person even.

For me, a lot of it is support. So, somebody putting their arm around me and saying, “I’m here with you. I’m supporting you.” And so, rather than always being alone, I actually had somebody with me. And so, my body doesn’t know if I’m there in that moment when I’m a little girl or if it’s today. It doesn’t know time. So, by going back into that moment, I’m reliving it and I am actually changing the story. And so, my body is able to heal from it and you get rid of a lot of the discomfort in your body and a lot of those triggers just go away.

CAMILLE [15:45]

That’s really interesting. I have a niece. She does yoga where she gives people trauma therapy through yoga and through your different chakras and different things like that. She actually has a trauma kit that she’s selling and it’s incredible. But one thing that she taught me is that she said our body, just like anything else, has memory. So, it’s what you’re speaking to of that we’re built of cells and everything comes down to a cellular level of energy. And so, it’s really interesting that you’re saying that of making it a physical interaction with the memory, not just mental. So, that’s really fascinating.

MICHELLE [16:30]

Yeah. And it’s almost creepy. My hands will be in this upward crazy motion the one time. And then, she gets in, she talks you through it. And then, it was like me swinging my arm. And then, long story short, it was me screaming out like, “Stop it. Don’t do that.” Having a voice to be able to tell somebody like, “Stop speaking that way.”

That’s just one of many, but yeah, it’s all intertwined, physical, mentally, our body really does hold on to these traumas and, like I said, I always thought I was fine. I thought I got off well because I actually was surrounded by amazing people. And a lot of people said, “You had such a hard life.” And I just thought, “No, I didn’t. I didn’t.” I lived a great life, but you don’t know what you don’t have.

And so, when I became a stepmom and I realized that my daughter is so supported by me, I started to think about how I wasn’t. And so, that was really the point of where I thought, okay, this is why things are coming up and why I’m angry and reactive. And so, I got to work on it. And so, I did.

So, for anybody who is listening and is curious about it, it’s just that it’s starting with curiosity and trying different things, being curious, reading books, listening to the podcasts. Obviously, you’re listening to this podcast, so you’re on your journey, but just trying. What works for me is not going to necessarily work for somebody else, but it’s just worth trying it all, trying anything and everything.

CAMILLE [18:13]

I love that. I think one thing to keep in mind as well is that everyone heals at different levels, different stages, at different times in your life. And so, where as a child, you did heal in a way where you were able to feel like, yeah, I’m fine, but then now understanding as an adult and looing as a mother to a child and saying, wait, maybe there are pieces I missed there.

And so, I think that’s really interesting for you to be able to experience that and recognize those pieces that you’re missing. Like you said, it could be something that there was more work to be done and that you’re willing to dig into it. And I think that’s really beautiful.

MICHELLE [18:57]

Yeah. You’re right. My therapist always says, “You should be so proud of younger self. She took care of her in the best way she knew how.” That’s true. That’s what we do. We deal with what we can and it all ends up working out.

CAMILLE [19:18]

Yeah. I’m just so happy for your stepdaughter and for you and how lucky she is to have you. What a beautiful circle of healing. I hope that that continues for you because I can only imagine. I can’t imagine losing my mother. She’s had a number of concussions, which is so random, but she had one a few years ago snowboarding and she had one falling off a horse and she had one falling off a motorcycle. She’s a very active amazing person.

And I have told her, “Mom, I’m expecting at least another 20 years. Don’t get any ideas,” because she’s had health issues these last few years. And she’s said, “Not with these headaches.” And I’m like, “Oh.” So, I just really appreciate that you’re willing to share that vulnerability of losing a mother, and then now acting in that role. I think she’s really, really lucky to have you and that love.

MICHELLE [20:16]

Yeah. And I always say back, I am so lucky to have her because I have grown in so many beautiful ways and we have such a beautiful bond. She loves me so unconditionally, even when I’m crazy. She’s one of a kind and I’m so grateful for her. I thank her mom every day, but I will say that I truly believe it was meant to be.

When I met her dad years and years and years ago, I said, “I don’t think that I’m meant to be in your life for any particular reason, but I know I’m meant to be in your daughter’s life and your ex’s life. I just know it. There’s something about this that I know I’m meant to be in her life.” And then, sure enough, this happened, so it’s just mindboggling.

CAMILLE [21:04]

Wow, that is crazy. Now, something that you coach about a lot and that I know that you share and help a lot of other people eon is creating a mindset for abundance. So, if you can dive into that a little bit, I would love to hear about especially where you were saying in doing this trauma healing that that was something that opened up to you. Walk us through that process and what did that look like for you?

MICHELLE [21:28]

Sure, yeah. I had money blocks for a very long time. And don’t get me wrong. I’ve been very successful in many ways, but it always the same. If you think about where you are financially, a lot of us, we just stay the same. Maybe go up a little bit here and there, couple thousand or couple hundred, I would typically stay at the same amount.

And as much as I believed that I could be more successful and that I could be perhaps a millionaire one day, for some reason, it just wasn’t moving forward. It wasn’t changing and everything else in my life was changing and developing and growing. And I just was so curious of why this was happening. And again, it came back to letting go of these old beliefs.

So, when we’re younger, we’re taught things like money doesn’t go on trees and you can’t have everything and you got to work hard for what you have. And it’s all baloney. It’s all lies. It’s really you get to create your life the way that you want to create it, but you have to change your mind. You have to actually reprogram your mindset because it believes what it believes. It’s been taught this for so many years. Parents taught you. Friends taught you. Whoever it was helped guide you to what you have. And so, in order to change that, you have to start to change the narrative in your brain.

So, you have to start telling yourself things like, “I’m a millionaire” and you have to start deciding that you’re going to live the way that that person would live as if she were already here. So, for myself, I sit up taller when I think about who I am. Do millionaires slump around, tired, watching TV, drinking a Coke? Probably not. They’re probably out doing really cool things, meeting really cool people, and even if not every millionaire does that, the one that I want to be does that.

And so, putting on nice clothes, having nice lipstick even, doing your hair a little bit more often, these little things really create the person who you are. So, whatever that person is that you want to be, you have to create her now.

For so long, I kept thinking, I’ll buy that when I have more money or I’ll go do that when I have more money. I will get my hair done that way when I have more money. And then, I just thought to myself, but I already have money in the bank, why am I not doing it right now? What is holding me back?

And I just kept thinking it’s probably because my family would do similar things. You don’t need that right now. You don’t have to have it, so why would you actually do it? And that the end of the day, this is my life. And if I want something, if something makes me happy, brings me joy, why am I not bringing that into my life?

So, I’ve really started saying yes to so many things and not being afraid to spend a little extra money on things that really truly bring me joy. And what’s really interesting is when you start to do that, more money, more opportunities, more blessings start to come into your life. It’s as if you have just opened the floodgates and allowed whatever it is that you want to come to you to actually come.

There’s this theory how money is meant to keep flowing through the universe and I love that because so often, we want to save, save, save, save, save but it’s almost like we’re fearful. If we were to go spend it, it’s not going to come back to us. But money is constantly flowing. It’s just an energy. It’s just an energy and I know that sounds a little bonkers at first, but if you think of it as that and just give it a try, you’ll be amazed at what happens.

When we go to places like Dairy Queen, we will pay for people’s ice cream ahead of us or behind us or however you have to pay. And the one time we did this, my daughter and I, and it ended up being this man. He got out of his car and he just said, “This is my son’s 11th birthday cake. I’m going home to bring him a birthday cake and now we have this beautiful story that you just played, you stranger, you just paid for my son’s birthday cake.” And that blessing was worth more than the $20 that I paid for his birthday cake.

What a beautiful experience. So, just being open to being who you want to be and really making a decision of who you want to be is really a choice that you can make today. And yeah, like I said, it just opens up your life to so many blessings.

CAMILLE [26:30]

I love that so much. Now, when you started working in that way of changing that mindset, how many years ago was that that you started to shift your mindset?

MICHELLE [26:39]

Not even that long ago. Like I said, I’m doing a lot of mindset work. And so, many areas of my life have changed, but it hasn’t been until the last year especially, even just in the last six months, when I started to decide to build my business, MUVE Life, my fitness apparel line.

So, I had wanted to build this fitness apparel line like 5, if not even 7, years and I finally made the choice in January. I was like I have to do this. It is time. And ever since I made that decision, it’s like I’m now doing investing. I have just so many different things that have come into my life where I’m able to make more income and it’s because I made a decision. I made a decision quickly because if you think about that, making a decision quickly is really going to help things move forward. And yeah, I’m just open to so many different possibilities. So, yeah, I would say within the last six months to a year.

CAMILLE [27:34]

That’s awesome. I know that Gabby Bernstein, as you mentioned her, are you a fan of hers? That’s something that she talks about a lot is opening up to that energy and the exchange of energy of being the money in your life and just knowing that there’s so much abundance that’s available for everyone. It’s not like it’s cherry picked for a select few. There is so much abundance to be shared by everyone. And I think that that’s so beautiful that you’re sharing in the trauma healing and also in creating abundance in your life so that you can have a positive moving forward vibe for everyone. So, this has been so great to have you on the show. Thank you so much for being a guest today.

MICHELLE [28:13]

Thank you for letting me share my story.

CAMILLE [28:17]

Yes. And we will for sure check out your fitness line. It’s coming out in the fall, you said, right?

MICHELLE [28:21]

It’s coming out probably in mid-August. But you can actually go online to www.muvelife.com and get 10% off for when it is coming out. And we’ll give you all the notifications for when everything is launched.

CAMILLE [28:37]

Awesome. Thank you so much. It’s been such a pleasure to have you.

MICHELLE [28:42]

Thank you so much.

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CAMILLE [28:45]

Hey, did you hear the news? 60 Days to VA is no longer something you have to wait for to enroll. I’m actually starting to bring on students one by one. It’s a very personal interaction where I do a discovery call with you to see if 60 Days to VA is a good fit for you because in the end, on the flip side of things, I’m starting to do matchmaking with CEOs who are looking to hire virtual assistants.

So, if that’s something that you feel like is a good fit for you, you want to become your own boss and start a business that you can do on your terms and with your schedule so that you can spend that purposeful time with your kids, reach out to me. You can book your time at www.camillewalker.co or you can DM me at @camillewalker.co or @callmeceopodcast and we can set up a time to chat. I can’t wait to talk with you.

Thank you so much for tuning in to today’s episode. If you have not subscribed yet, please do so and also know that if you are looking for help in coaching with building your business or growing your business by taking on new assistants in your business, please reach out to me. That’s the coaching that I do for women in business every single day. I can also help you build your own virtual assistant business if you’re looking for a way to build a business from home where you can still have the flexibility of being with your kids in those special important moments. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I will see you next time.

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