FEARLESS FRIDAY: 7 WAYS TO ACHIEVE MORE SELF COMPASSION

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CAMILLE WALKER [0:07]

So, you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business, sharing your voice. How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO.

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CAMILLE [0:26]

Hey everyone. It is Fearless Friday and this is Camille Walker with Call Me CEO. Today we are going to talk about something that I get asked about a lot which is self-compassion. How do you know if you're self-compassionate enough and how do you give yourself the kind of compassion you deserve? Well, I'm going to break it down to seven rules to follow really quickly and easy wins where you can find more self-compassion today.

Number one, I want you to think about what makes you unique. Each of us has different experiences that we've gone through and the more I've been a mother and the longer I've lived my life, I realize that any judgment that I felt in the past is often because I have not yet experienced what that person is going through. And I will oftentimes in my younger years and even as I continue to see things and look at things in a way and think, "Why would they do that?" or "Why would they choose that?" or "Why is their child out of control?" And then, you get older and you experience those things and you become smarter and you become compassionate.

You see that person going through that thing, seeing that person with a child that's tantruming or having an issue, whatever the case may be, and you have compassion for them. Well, I want to challenge you, my friend, to think about the things that you're experiencing as a mother and imagine, if you will, what you might say to yourself in the future. Give yourself 20 years from now, say, you're 60 years old and you're looking back at yourself as a young mother now. And I want you to look at yourself and talk to yourself with the same compassion you would afford someone else.

The key to becoming compassionate is to think about yourself in a way that challenges those unique parts of yourselves and embraces them in this learning process. Listen, we're all imperfect. We all are here doing things for the very first time whether it's becoming a mom for the first time, a mother of two for the first time, a mother of a three-year-old for the first time or maybe starting a new job. Each of us are going through different stages and learning along the way. Please afford yourself the compassion that you would give to a stranger once you've gone through a similar experience.

I remember once when I was a mom of three and goodness, I think being a mom of three with two in car seats, a new nursing baby, carrying a toddler and having to get to and from places. And I had a circumstance in the parking lot where I couldn't get things together. Kids were running all over the place. My baby was crying and I had a mom that came up to me and just said, "Hey. Is there anything I can help you with? I've been here before and you're doing such a good job. What can I help you with?" And it was such a wonderful extension of her to take that time to recognize me and see herself in that moment and reach out in a way that a loving person would. And that's the kind of compassion that I want you to understand that you're developing for yourself and you can talk to yourself in that same way.

Number two, I want you to let go of things that you cannot change. There are so many things in this world especially as a mom that we simply cannot change. We cannot control the way the child wants to potty train. We can't control the way our teenager wants to sleep in the morning. There are things we might want them to do and teach them to do. But at the end of the day, that child is going to go to the bathroom on the toilet when they're ready, when they're good and ready. I don't know if you've been in that situation, but for me, it is so easy to get wrapped up in what it is that I want my child to do and sometimes there are things we simply can't control. So, that's my number two.

Number three is to identify your strengths. Now, with identifying strengths, I really want you to sit down and grab a pen and paper and with your strengths, I want you to turn this into a gratitude practice. Because I have found when I take a minute to sit down and think about those things that are good or the strengths I do have and tie those in with gratitude, I often find that those are the times that I really feel more connected to really what's going in the present moment. I think a lot of times it's easy for us to see all of the things that could be going wrong or all of the things that we could be doing wrong. But when we take a moment to think about our strengths and what it is that we have to offer with those strengths, we are much more able to come at the day or to come at our problems with a fresh new perspective.

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CAMILLE [5:20]

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CAMILLE [6:05]

Number four is to set goals. Now, this I give you with a little piece of warning because by nature, I tend to be a goal setter to do all the things and this is not what this is about. I want you to think about the things that are a priority, but for me, in a given regular mom life busy work day, I might have to choose two things, maybe even three, that's ambitious, that has to do with work related things or two things that are related to my house, but that's it. You really have to make those specific goals and if they're not important, they can wait and if they haven't gotten done, then that's okay too. You can move on to that next day.

When you're setting a goal, I want you to set goals to set time for yourself, to really set goals to take time to reflect on what you have gotten done and embrace those in-between moments that is really what life is made of and getting those things done. Those in-between moments, those are the kind of goals I want you to set. So, sit down and think about what those goals are.

Number five is to celebrate your accomplishments and to really appreciate the time that you have put into whatever those goals are. When you're checking those things off the list, take a minute to pause and pat yourself on the back and think, "I did that" and really celebrate those moments. Because if we're not taking time to celebrate, that teaches our kids as well that we're here to just be doers of things and not actually live in that moment. So, really take time to celebrate.

Number six is to prepare. Now, I don’t know about you, but weeks that I don't prepare for my week ahead, I find that I'm more frazzled and I'm harder on myself. So, if I'm going to be more compassionate with myself, it always turns out better if I have somewhat of a plan in play. So, for me, that's taking five minutes the night before to review with my husband what's happening the next day. On Sundays, we take time to review the week and talk about things we need help with each other for and I do this with my kids as well. We really try to plan and prepare. Grocery delivery saves me every week and I think it's things like that that can really help you ease anxiety and stress. And we know that if we are practicing self-compassion, we offer ourselves less anxiety and less depression. So, giving yourself that space to just plan as much as you can, but also be willing to let things go like we talked about in number two.

Number seven and this is the most important is to be kind to yourself and to think positively. There's so much power in our minds. And self-compassion is the only way to really live our lives because we are with ourselves all of the time. The space that you keep in your mind is literally where you live. I was explaining this to my daughter just the other day and saying, "Wherever you go, no matter where you are, if you're in a school bus, if you're in your classroom, if you're at home, you need to become best friends with the person that lives inside you because no matter where you go, there you are." And she thought that seemed really bizarre like, "Why would I need to be my own best friend?"

And I think we oftentimes forget that there is so much strength that can come from really appreciating ourselves and talking to ourselves in a way that is compassionate. One of the leaders in this way of thinking is Kristin Neff and she says, for example, rather than saying, "I'm a patient and understanding mom to my kids," think, "I'm going to be kind to myself." Okay. Another thing that she says is, rather than saying, "My body is amazing just the way it is and accept myself this way," think, "I'm going to treat myself the way I would treat my very best friend." Do you see those slight changes that she made where she talks about it's not only about accepting and loving yourself, but simply treating yourself the way you would a best friend?

And I think if we can allow ourselves to think of ourselves that way and challenge those negative thoughts about if I'm feeling this way about any given circumstance, explore those feelings, but also challenge yourself. What else could be true about what you're giving of yourself as a woman, a mother, a wife, a partner, a sister, a cousin, whatever it might be? And allow yourself that grace of knowing you have so many unique wonderful things about you.

You are not here to simply do a task list. You are here to be and to love and to live. So, I hope, my friend, on this Fearless Friday that you take these challenges and just pick one. Maybe it's just to recognize your strengths. Write down your strengths today and think about what it is that you appreciate about those strengths and that gratitude that you have for those strengths. I love you. I'm here for you. I'm cheering you on. I hope that you find peace within knowing that you are exactly who you need to be and you're amazing. Bye.

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CAMILLE [11:52]

If you've enjoyed this conversation, I'd love for you to join me online on Instagram @callmeceopodcast and @camillewalker.co. You can find likeminded women just like you who are looking for positivity and inspiration in both motherhood and business. Thank you so much for being here and sharing this show with your friends. It truly means the world to me.

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