Getting to a yes is a lot about coming to a compromise. It doesn’t always mean that you get exactly what you want, but I’m going to give you the tips of knowing the five best ways of how to get where you want end up.
Camille takes us through different scenarios both in business and motherhood that will often come up when you are trying to find a common ground.
Tune in with a pen and paper. These five are tried and true and will make a difference for you.
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CAMILLE WALKER [0:00]
Welcome back everyone to another episode of Call Me CEO. Today is Friday, which means it's Fearless Friday. I am your host, Camille Walker and today we're going to be talking about getting to yes, negotiation skills that will for you in business and we'll talk about it a little bit with motherhood too. Getting to a yes is a lot about coming to compromise. It doesn't always mean that you get exactly what you want, but I'm going to give you the tips of knowing the five best ways to get to where you want from the beginning. Let's dive in.
Now, the very first thing I would say is to know what you want before going in. This is a process that if you come equipped knowing what you want the end result to be, you will have a much better chance of getting there, just like that old adage we've always heard, "If you don't know where you're going, how do you know when you get there?" That is just as important in negotiating with business deals and with your kids. You want to know where that middle ground is that you want to end up. So, perhaps that's something where in regard to business, you have a set idea of what you hope to chart for your hourly rate, for a package deal or perhaps it's for bringing in a new product or negotiation with shipping or whatever the case may be.
Think of what that go home rate is. I heard someone refer to it recently as the GH point. What is your go home point? What is the point where if all is said and done at the end of the day, you have that wiggle room, you have that spot where you want to stay and you won't go below. Figure that out for yourself. That may look different for each of you depending on if that's a negotiation of time, if that's a negotiation of deciding how much hourly rate that you're willing to go to for that bare minimum. Figure that out. Know what it is going in.
Now as far as this is in regard to kids, I had a recent experience with my son who abused his usage on time with his cellphone. And going into it, I thought, a cellphone is not something that is needed for survival. He is only 13 years old and ultimately, it's up to me and my husband as parents to decide whether or not this is a privilege that we are going to allow him to keep. Now, in this negotiation process with him, I went into this explaining that this phone is a privilege and that he doesn’t need it for survival. He doesn't need it for really his safety at this point. He's not driving a car. I didn't feel like it's something that I needed to really pull back on giving him that privilege.
So, I said to him, "Maybe we'll take a couple of years off because all of these things we worried about with usage and also you getting into some trouble." And this is a whole other conversation. "Maybe we'll take a couple of years off." And in my mind going into that conversation, I wasn't intending for him to take a couple of years off, but I did want to volley that out there and see what he would say coming back. And when I said, "Well, what do you think that it is? What do you think would be a good fit for you?" Because obviously we both agreed that there needs to be some adjustments. Ad he came back with, "Well, maybe I need to take the summer off and get it back at the beginning of the new year, the new school year." And I thought that was a really good compromise.
Where that comes into motherhood is a lot of times you need to think about two outcomes that you agree with and then throw it back to them and let them decide. Do you want this or that? When they're young, it's, "Do you want the blue shirt or the red shirt? Do you want to sleep with your head up at the pillow or your head down where the feet go? Do you want to sit holding your blue bunny or the red bear?" Either way, they're getting in the chair, they're going to bed, they're putting their clothes on. But you have options for them.
Okay. Let's switch back to business. I'm doing a little bit of yoyo on you today, but we're going to do it because we're motherhood and business. So, number two. Ask questions in reflection of what someone is telling you. So, if you're in a business negotiation and you're talking about things that your client is looking for or perhaps you're doing a service for, ask a lot of questions about what it is that they want and then repeat back to them the solution with their questions in it or to clarify the question. So, an example of that might be, let's say, you're a social media manager for example and the person that you're talking to says, "I'm really looking to increase my media engagement or my community engagement and I really need to up my comments, my likes, my story views. I'm just so frustrated. I don't have the time."
So, if I was listening to that and I was thinking as a social media manager how I would react to that as far as answering a question with their own language, I would say something like, "You're looking for more time. You're looking for engagement with your community." What happens is if you take the question and repeat it back in a statement/somewhat of a question, then they get to a more clarifying answer to tell you exactly what they need and it gives you the opportunity to really give them the result that they're looking for.
In regard to kids, this is called reflective listening because when we give our kids the opportunity to simply reflect what it is they're saying to us, they feel understood. They feel like they are being listened to and they are more likely to open up to you when the big things happen. So, reflective listening works so well in business and relationships. It's all about wanting to be heard. We all want to be heard. We all want to truly be understood and it's so easy for us to listen to a question and be formulating an answer before the person's even done talking.
So, really try this today. Try it today. Try this week to whatever scenario you're doing, whether it's in a parenting situation or a business situation, really take the time to listen, so that you can give the delivery of giving that reflective listening answer and then clarifying exactly what it is they're looking for. And the reason why is when you reflect what it is that they're looking for, the person on the other end is much more willing and able to open up and give you the opportunity to serve them or make the sale, whatever the opportunity is in this case business or motherhood.
All right. Number three, this comes into business a little bit more, but it can be parenting too is to put on your poker face. Now, this doesn't mean you come across cold. This doesn't mean that you come across as uncaring, but in negotiations and business, you really want to keep emotion in check. You don't want to put too much of yourself into a negotiation process because that will make the playing field feel really unstable or perhaps that you are a little too anxious. And I know that this is a little hard to understand, but my husband has this term with his buddies from high school. It's called the X minus one.
X minus one is where in a relationship with a girl, they might say, "Well, you've got to have X minus one for her to like you back." And we've heard that before. It's like the person with the least interest has the most control. But really it comes to down giving enough to your client or to the business partnership or whatever it is that they need, but not over extending so much of yourself that you become annoying or too much to handle or that you're just too much in their face because that can be off-putting. Just like a relationship when you start to have a crush on someone and this is what their X minus one is, it's perhaps you have a crush on someone or a dating relationship with a business opportunity or whatever it is, and if you come in too hot, that can be really off-putting. People still like to feel like there's a little bit of a chase or there's a more equal balance footing between the two parties.
So, it doesn't mean that you need to be a hot head. No. Be nice as ever, but just don't put everything out on the table so hot that you're calling and texting and calling and texting and calling and texting. Give yourself some breathing room. So, maybe if that’s negotiations with emails, I like to say I give the person typically three to four days if I'm in a negotiation situation. If I don't hear anything back within those three to four days, I’ll say, "Hey. Can't wait to hear an update on this. My content calendar is filling up" or whatever it might be if it's something that I'm trying to negotiate. Or if that email goes out and I still haven't heard from there, I would follow up a week later, saying, "Hey. I know what it's like for emails to be lost in the shuffle. Just raising my hand here to say hi and I can't wait to work with you." So, just pace yourself. Keep that X minus one.
As far as parenting as concerned, keeping your emotions in check is always a good idea. I think the times my parents had the biggest impact on me is when it was a simple "I'm disappointed" and guaranteed I was a major people pleaser, never wanted to hear that kind of thing. And every kid's different, so you just have to pace that as you do because every kid is just different. But keep in mind keeping emotion in check is always a good idea. And a lot of times for me that means that I do an emotional check-in with myself before doing a big something whether it be in the moment with parenting or with a negotiation. Just really check in with yourself and go back to number one, what is the end result you're looking for?
Number four and in my opinion the most important is to create a win-win situation for both you and the negotiating partner that you're dealing and/or your child. Really at the end of the day, we all want everyone to win and I think paying attention to that and actually using language to that respect is so important. So many times, I've been on a phone call which by the way I think is one of the best ways to have a negotiation with brands, partners, sponsorships, collaborations, people. If you can't be in person, do it on the phone because there is so much magic that happens when you can see someone's face whether it's a Zoom call or hear their voice and really hear the tone and intonation of what it is that they're looking for. So, connect, people don't pick up the phone anymore and it makes a difference if you're willing to put yourself out there. I know it's scary, but it really makes a difference if you can do face to face or even voice. Emails are good, but they're not just as good.
Anyway, so back to win-win. Take the time to create a win-win scenario for you and the person that you're negotiating with. That is why the questions are so important in the beginning of your conversation is to specifically ask, what are your goals? If you are to pick the focus of your marketing program this year, this month, this campaign, what is your number one goal? Are you looking for signups, selling a product? Do you want to get your name more recognized? What is it that you're looking for? So that then you can formulate in your mind through the course of the call how you can best partner together to make it a win-win relationship for the two of you. This also ties back to number one. What is it that you're looking to get out of it? Because if you go into it not knowing and you get asked, asked, asked, asked from them, but you don't know what you want in return, that's where you can hang up the phone and feel like, "Oh, shoot. I really didn't think that through because I need this." Don't worry or be too afraid about saying, "This all sounds so good. Give me some to think about it." There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with giving yourself time and space to recognize if this is a yes for you or if you need to take a minute.
Now with your kids' concern for win-win, I really, really when I can, this can't always happen, but I really like to ask them, "What would you like to happen? What would be a win for you?" And this goes back to that cellphone example. I asked my son, "What do you think would be fair?" And I let him decide. That doesn't mean I couldn't change my mind on it, but I thought he was really giving himself a good amount of time to think about it. And I think by enabling our children to help make decisions of consequence or negotiations whether that is how many chores they have to do for a privilege or whatever it is, making them a part of that conversation from a very young age gives them negotiation skills that they will use the rest of their lives.
All right. Next is to believe in yourself. No negotiation is ever won by someone that doesn't believe in themselves and confidence is an energy that extends so far beyond what we can imagine it will because there is an exchange of energy. Any time you do negotiations, sales, products, marketing, any of that, it's an exchange of energy. So, if you believe in yourself and you're portraying that on the phone call, on the email, in the negotiation with your child, that's sometimes harder, believing in yourself and what you're saying goes a long way.
So, really think about what that means and maybe you might need to do some power up motivational mantras. Do the power stance with your hands on your hips. Write down the things that you know you have to bring to the table and that leads me to my next point is to always include what's in it for them, the bonuses of working with you. That it's not just a one-time gig. You're in this for the long haul and this is why and these are all the benefits that come from working with you. Perhaps those are negotiations that you do behind the scenes, on another phone call, on a follow-up call, but in my experience, it's always about the people. It's always about putting your best foot forward and giving yourself the confidence you deserve and really highlighting what it is that sets you apart and makes you unique in wanting to do that business with you.
And very last but certainly not least is be willing to walk away. This applies to everything. This applies to negotiations with business. It also applies to something that you feel like you might really want to buy at the store or a negotiation with your child where they're really emotionally charged. It's okay to take time to walk away and it's okay to give yourself space and time to breathe it out and it's okay to value yourself and your time and to believe in yourself. If that bottom dollar just isn't going to work out for you, it's okay to walk away because it's not meant for you. If you're not feeling that elation of, "Oh, this is such a good fit" and that's not to say that you don't have a feeling of, "Oh, this could be hard" because that's very real, but this is a good fit and I'm going to do this thing and I really feel like this is a good partnership, think about it.
Think about that. Think about the time you have with your family. Think about the time you have for you, those commitments and the time that you have. Check back with our last episode if you're wanting to know more about how to figure out if it's a good answer for you. But today, my friends, that is the wrap up of getting to yes and the negotiation skills. If you found this episode helpful, please share on social media. You can find me on camillewalker.co on Instagram and my website is camillewalker.co. I really appreciate when anyone of you shares this podcast. It really means the world to me and I just with you the best. We'll see you next time.
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