The Power of Discovering YOU and Setting Goals For Your Season | Dr. Cheyenne Bryant

CHEYENNE BRYANT [0:00]

People, that’s the number one question is how do I find my purpose? Whether you are at a spiritual workshop with Abraham Hicks or you are at church with Joel Osteen or Bishop T.D. Jakes or you had a Dr. Bryant workshop, it doesn’t matter, a Dr. Bryant retreat, that number one question is how do I find my purpose? Camille, the reason why people are having such a hard time with finding their purpose is because they don’t have a sense of self.

[MUSIC]

CAMILLE WALKER [0:35]

So, you want to make an impact. You’re thinking about starting a business sharing your voice. How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We’ll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO.

[MUSIC]

Welcome back everyone to Call Me CEO. This is Camille Walker, your host. And I am thrilled to speak with you today because we are going to be talking about how to set goals or intentions for your season. I know we’re starting into the new year. People are starting to think about how much weight they want to lose or things they want to achieve, but sometimes that’s not always the best spot for us in the rhythm or the season of life that we’re in.

And today, we have an expert I know you’re going to love, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant, who is a doctor of psychology and also a life coach. She is the Teen Mom: Family Reunion coach, which is a top show on television. I feel bad I’ve never seen it. It sounds like a binge marathon worthy show. Oh my gosh.

CHEYENNE [1:38]

Yes, you’re missing out, Camille. It’s amazing. It’s a mix between entertainment obviously because it’s TV, a lot of bonding, a lot of love and a whole lot of coaching and a lot of working through issues and working through awareness and working through their pain pockets and their trauma and the intergenerational issues that they come with that they’re unaware of, some they are aware of.

And so, it’s just a mix between this really loving family reunion type feel where they bring all their stuff to this reunion and they have me, who works through all the stuff. And you get to see them have fun and you get to see them have issues and you get to see them beautifully work through their issues with this really strong willingness that they all have in wanting to work through it and wanting to show how they have changed so much from first season of the tools I’ve given them to season 2 and the new tools that they’ve gotten.

And it’s beautiful to see just I call them my babies because they’re all my teen mom and dads and I’ve grown to really love them individually. It’s a good family feel. So, if you haven’t seen it, like you said, it’s a good binge watch show. Definitely, definitely would encourage anyone to watch it. People are in tears watching because a lot of their issues are issues that the audience can look at and go, “Me too. Me too. Oh my God. I’ve experienced something just like that or something similar.”

And the tools that I give are the tools that are not just cookie cutter meaning just for that one person. They’re tools that anyone can use who’s going through that situation or something similar. And so, the feedback just nationwide and globally is like, “I used that tool and it changed my life. It changed my relationship. It changed my trajectory of my purpose or my perception has been shifted.” That’s my goal is I want to be able to help the teen mom and dads in the family reunion, but I want folks to watch it and go, “This show’s changing my life. Wow. This is magic for me too.” And so, I go in my mind, it has manifested on one of the biggest shows on the biggest network in TV and that’s the biggest blessing for me.

CAMILLE [3:56]

Wow. Gosh, that’s the kind of reality TV we need more of. I feel like a lot of times, they try to paint drama and try to manufacture these scenarios that don’t really matter or care, it’s just for entertainment purposes. So, something like this that is really changing someone’s life, thousands of people’s lives, what a powerful play that you are in.

CHEYENNE [4:18]

Yes.

CAMILLE [4:20]

Wow. In the billions.

CHEYENNE [4:22]

Yeah, I’ll take it.

CAMILLE [4:23]

Okay, billions.

CHEYENNE [4:25]

Or maybe it’s in the millions, but we can manifest billions. We can speak it.

CAMILLE [4:30]

Sure, we can. Oh my gosh. That is so awesome. Tell our audience too. How did you get stared and how did you end up in television with the line of work that you are in and how did those doors open for you?

CHEYENNE [4:40]

Absolutely. I got started because I was a little girl who had my own traumas and abandonment issues and had a lot of stuff that I had to work through. And it showed up through the behaviors that I was exhibiting as an adolescent and as a young adult. And I got into relationships and I would spit venom and have some toxicity and dysfunctions about me that I wasn’t aware of until I ended up entering into my own healing journey, which starts the day you’re born, but you only come into awareness or some of us come into awareness of it in different spaces in our life.

I happened to start my healing journey in my mid-20s. And so, when I started my own healing journey, I went into a healing workshop with Iyanla Vanzant who has a huge show with Oprah Winfrey’s network and she became my coach. And she brought a lot of awareness tom me through her tough love that I wasn’t aware of.

And I’m like, oh my God, I am a lot more dysfunctional than I thought. I’m like I knew I had trauma, but I didn’t know my trauma was choosing for me. I didn’t know my trauma was showing up to the relationship for me. I didn’t know it was representing me all day long. And when I realized that I’m not my trauma and that I have a choice between my healed self showing up in relationships and/or my trauma self, I started to differentiate the difference. And I started to choose my healed self.

But when I found out that everything that is what’s present wasn’t healed, and so I couldn’t show up fully in that healed person, I stared to figure out what that blueprint looked like to get broken pieces to piece. And I’ve figured out A through Z which I have principles in my new book, ABC’s of manifestation on A through Z the principles I use to take my broken pieces and make piece.

And when I got to that place of peace come out, I was like, okay. I’m not the only human being that can get to a place of peace. There’s just no way. And I just remember telling God like, if you can allow me to use these principles on a platform where I can give people these tools, fill up their toolbox and these principles and bring them even a little bit of a monstrosity of this piece that I have, then I will be even more the happiest girl on earth. And God said, “Hey, so be.”

And so, I ended up being able to do it on the speaking circuit. I’ve been speaking nationwide and actually globally because I’ve been speaking in Central America and over in Dubai and all these different places. And then, I remember being in my master’s program and my doctorate program and professors are saying, “Hey, who’s all going to get licensed in this field?” My master’s is in family and child therapy and then my doctor’s in counselling psychology. So, they’re like, “Who’s going to get licensed? Who’s excited?” Everyone raised their hand except me.

And I remember my professor saying, “Why would you waste 12, 15 years of school?” At the time Cheyenne wasn’t Dr. Bryant yet. “You’re about to get licensed.” And I explained to them because I am going to be on TV not so much to be a celebrity, but so that I can use that platform to bring healing and to bring this what I call God’s peace to people who were just like me, trauma-based, toxic, dysfunctional. Some knew it. Some didn’t, but I want to give them this stuff and I need to be able to have the freedom of not being licensed with my hands tied.

And I got to be able to love on them because the type of healing that these people need is going to require a very hands-on loving type of approach. And so, I developed what is called the Dr. Bryan hybrid approach, which is therapy and coaching combined. And it’s a hybrid of therapy is let’s talk about your pain pockets, your trauma. What does that look like? What got you to this space of seeing things in a doubtful way or maybe in a disbelieving way? Losing hope, okay, let’s see what that is. Let’s heal those things. That’s therapy. Now that we’ve healed it, we’ve gotten in contact with pain pockets. We have a clear understanding of your traumas. You’ve gotten in contact with your healed self. Coaching is where do you want to go, girl? Who do you want to be, man? Let’s go do it.

And then, you marry the two. You don’t have a perfect person, you have a whole person who now has a sense of self, who now is in contact with their authentic self, surrenders to the evolution of they’re going to continue to shift and change, so they don’t lock into being stuck being of the fear of who they may become. They become very excited about evolving and becoming bigger and more expanded.

And so, through my healing journey, I developed that hybrid approach and I believe in what is fact, not my pain and manifestation. And manifestation is real. And when I spoke those words in my master’s and my doctorate program, I didn’t speak with this, I hope it comes through, Camille. I hope so. I spoke with conviction. I knew that’s what I’m doing. I know that I’m on this journey because I’ve asked for it and because I asked for it, I will receive it.

And not to go biblical, but it’s in me. It’s how I’m built, but the Bible even says we have dominion. We just have to possess it. And so, I spoke with the dominion that I know that I have that it’s mine because I said so, not because I’m arrogant, but because that’s what I was promised from my source. And now, I just have to go possess it.

And so, what did I do? Possess it as in you get up and go into the world and start picking up every rock. That’s just hard work. Possess it means that you have to think, feel, and behave. It’s called your three-part house. It has to be in alignment with what you are claiming you have dominion over and what you’re convicting you have. And then, I started to think, feel, and behave as this person, this healer through my clients and my private practice in the speaking circuit.

And before you know it, I didn’t have an agent. I did not have to go call and chase or insert myself with MTV or insert myself. Before MTV, I had a deal with E! Network that didn’t fall through, but they were amazing because they let me go through my contract. But long story short, law of attraction is law of attraction not law of insertion.

So, I make sure my three-part house, I want everybody to hear this. How you think, how you feel and how you behave is your three-part house. I aligned that first. Why? Because manifestation happens at the point of agreement. So, what I was manifesting, which was me having a platform to heal people, give tips, give tools and bring them peace and healing, that when I asked for, it already came in the download. It was already there.

So, it’s like, okay, I’m here. You asked for it. You got it. It’s here, Cheyenne. Cheyenne had to become Dr. Bryant and align my three-part house with that in which I asked for. And once I did that, MTV called. And they said, “We want you.” But I said, I’m contracted with E! Network.” And that was a few years back and they said, “Damn it. We can’t do anything about it until you get out of your contract.” And I said, “Meh.”

So, I called over to E! Network literally, Camille, true story and I remember my team said they never let people out of their contract. If anyone knows the industry and you’re talking about big networks, they just don’t. They shelve people in case they need you and that’s just how it is. It’s screwed up, but it is. But I called over to E! Network, the CEO over there, Chris, and I said, “Hey, I know it’s bananas to ask this, but I need out of my contract. I got big things to do. Y’all are shelving me. I love working with you, but we’re not making any momentum.”

And he said, “You know what, Dr. Bryant? We never do this, never.” He said, “But I’ve learned more from filming with you than I have filming with anyone else in the history of being CEO in this network. Give me a second. Let me call over to my legal department and we are going to send you over an email that’s confirming we release you from your contract.”

Now, I had a 5- or 6-year contract. That was year number one and number two that they released me. They could have said, “Heck, no. We're keeping you 5, 6 years.” And I would have fought it because that’s just my personality, that fighting it. And so, long story short, when that happened, Camille, I still didn’t call and run to MTV and say, “Hey, guess what? I’m out of contract.”

No. I stay in alignment. I stayed convicted. I stayed prayed up and I thought only the thoughts that are praise-worthy and I felt only the things I knew I felt and I would feel when I got to heal people and people got to see me on a platform and use my tools and see me on the streets and say not, “Hey, I like your work in this movie,” which I’m not knocking actors or actresses, but I think they’re amazing too. And they’re healers in their own way, “But I use your tools. I watched your video. You changed my freaking life.”

I used to meditate on that. And then, they called me and said, “Hey, what’s up? We still want you.” And I said, “Hey, I’m a girl who loves to be pursued, baby. If you want to keep pursuing me and chasing me, I love to run, but I know when to stop and turn around.” And I said, “It’s green light. I’m out of my contract.”

And so, we went through the protocol of that and they just said, “We love you. We’ve been wanting you for years. We love you. Let’s rock and roll.” And I’m like, “Let’s go.” And I knew it was time. I knew it was my season. I knew I wasn’t nervous because again, I believe in seasons. And I knew that God had me contract with E! Network because it wasn’t my season to be on TV yet. There was still work he wanted me to do and there was till development that he needed me to do as a doctor and as a coach.

And so, but he gave me that deal for me not to lose hope. So, not to lose hope that, hey, it’s coming. I know he created me, so he knows me. He created everyone listening to this. So, he knows you. He/she, whatever you want to consider your God, your source, your higher being, for me, it’s God, your creator knows you. You’re created by your creator. And so, you’re a thumbprint of your creator.

And so, they know what has to be given to you to keep your hope alive, to keep you being resilient so that you don’t give up. You don’t stop. Your freaking job is to know, wait a minute. I’m getting glimpse. I’m grabbing onto something and even if I grab onto this and it’s a piece of what I want, a piece of what I know belongs to me, then let me hold on. And when it goes away, that just means it was for hope.

So, the real thing is coming, whether it’s marriage or career, trying to have a child, whatever that is for you. For me, E! Network was that glimpse of hope. I’m going to give you something to hold onto so you keep working on yourself and I’m going to give you the real deal. And then, you know when it’s that.

When I signed the contract with Viacom, which is MTV, Paramount Family now, it was like my Super Bowl. I was like I’m like Tom Brady. This is what I was built to do. I’m ready for this. Strap me up. Put my helmet on. There’s no time to be doubtful. I have a job to do. I have a purpose to fulfill. I have people who need my tools, who need my healing and who I couldn’t wait to meet with to provide that for.

And so, again, know your seasons and don’t get weary while doing and continue to stick through what you feel, not what you know. There’s a difference. What you feel in your heart space, your heart space is where your purpose is and where your purpose is is where you are. Now, we say, you don’t find your purpose without finding you. And so, first, find you and when you find you, there goes your purpose because you and your purpose are one.

And so, I am in my purpose because I’m able to be me every time I walk on that stage or I go and film with MTV, I’m able to be me every time I present to Guess or Marciano or MBC Universal who are my corporate partners who I provide wellness and mental health workshops for. I’m able to be me and bring my traumas and bring my healing and bring my vibrantness because me on that stage is my purpose and that’s how people are so touched.

And that’s where people can relate. And that’s where people can feel my love because they feel my heart. And they say if you penetrate people at the heart space, you have a friend for life. If you penetrate them at the mind space, once the memory goes, there you go. And the only way you can do it from the heart space is opening up your heart and what’s inside your heart is intimacy is into me you see. And that’s where we connect.

Connection starts or it only takes place in the heart. And so, for me, I have been blessed to be able to take my heart and literally give it to people on camera, give it to people in session and thus far, it has been magical for me. It's been magical for them. And this is my purpose. If it changes in 5, 10 years, then I will jump into that purpose as well like I jumped into this. But right now, I’m in love with what I do. I’m in love with the people whose lives I can change. I’m in love with my source who gave me the opportunity to do this. I’m in love with you, Camille, and your podcast only because I’m able to bring the tools here.

And this is all in the plan of what I said 15+ years ago in my master’s and doctor program to my professors who I said, “No, I’m not getting licensed because I’m going to, not I want to, not I hope to, I’m going to be on a TV platform as Dr. Bryant killing and changing lives.”

Because my life was changed so much that how can I not give that to people? How can I not give people the tool to do so? And the only part that gets challenging is I want to shape people or I want to shape them into their peace. I want to get this syringe and inject it into them, but I can’t because I got to let people move at their pace and their season. That’s the only part that gets challenging when I’m going, “Oh my God, you don’t know how good it is on the other side. Don’t stop. keep going. Let’s go. Use the tools. Build this house. I’ll give you more. I’ll walk you through. I’ll help you.”

But I can’t speed up or slow down what’s God’s timing. I don’t want that job either, but I can’t do that. But I know that if you do the work, it works. And if you stick through it, just like if you’re at the line at the bank to see the teller, if you don’t get out of line, guess what? You’ll be next. Whether it takes you an hour or a few days, if you don’t get out of line, the doors may close and then it may open. It may close and it may open.

But if you stand in line, there’s going to be a day when that door opens and they go, next. And it’s you. And all I do is I walk in there, go to the teller, make the deposit or make your withdrawal, but you got to where you wanted to because you were resilient. You were sturdy oak and you didn’t get weary while doing it. That’s it.

CAMILLE [19:44]

Yes. I love it. There’s so much good there. Thank you for sharing that story with us. I’m just sitting here like, wow, that amount of purpose of conviction of knowing who you are and your purpose, it sounds like that was something that was clear to you pretty openly. Where for many people I talk to, it’s fascinating to me, I just sat in an interview right before this, we were talking about purpose and finding our true selves and that can be so hard for so many people. What is your path or your tips of advice for finding that purpose and that clarity so that you can be in your zone of genius and aligned with God?

CHEYENNE [20:25]

I love that question. Why do I love that question? Because you’re absolutely right. People, that’s the number question is how do I find my purpose? Whether you are at a spiritual workshop with Abraham Hicks or you are at church with Joel Osteen or Bishop T.D. Jakes or you’re at a Dr. Bryant workshop, it doesn’t matter, a Dr. Bryant retreat, that number one question is how do I find my purpose?

Camille, the reason why people are having such a hard time with finding their purpose is because they don’t have a sense of self. You cannot find your purpose without finding yourself. Yourself and your purpose are one. They are not separate. And people are separating them.

So, the way that you decide to show up in who the heck you are and the hair you got, the clothes you got, how you speak, how you walk, with your stutter, with your limp, underweight, overweight, with the overbite, too light skinned, too dark-skinned, not enough melanin, too much melanin, all of that stuff that you can think of, too many accolades, not enough accolades, no titles, I don’t care what. Until you show up and say, this is who the hell I am, excuse my language, seriously and you are overly exaggerant in who you are and you allow who you are to attract who is supposed to be your village, you’ll always be a loss.

So, you would never find your purpose because your purpose is in who you are. I have only found my purpose because from literally a little girl and I don’t say this to brag, I say this to humility and to give tools, since I was a little girl, I always stood very strong in who I was. But I only did that because there was a lot of times because of my trauma and because of my abandonment, because of my environment that I always felt like folks were trying to strip me of who I was, trying to take away my identity, trying to devalue who I was as a young girl or adolescent because of how much was going on in my environment.

That looked dysfunctional, that was dysfunctional. That was toxic. That had all the odds of me not becoming successful, not becoming an educated woman of color, not becoming a Black doctor, not becoming a Black woman who is the head of the biggest civil rights organization. I’m president of the NAACP down in Los Angeles. And so, it’s like all of the odds were against me.

So, it wasn’t just my environment. It wasn’t just the odds. It wasn’t just the people who were in it that were trying to take away who I was and the value that I felt I had. It was all of that collectively. And so, for me, the way that I fought back, thank God, was I started to show up in who I was to the exaggerant full extent of like, no way. As a 6-, 7-year-old little girl, I remember saying, “I am who I am. I talk like this. I look like this.”

And so, then being a mixed Black woman, so being a mixed Black girl, you’re not Black enough sometimes for the Black folks, just keeping it real. But then, I’m not also not Black enough for the folks who are not Black. And so, where do you fit in?

So, with all of that, I had to find a place that was mine. And the place that I found that was mine, I’m telling you all this story because you don’t have to be 6-, 7-year-old Dr Bryant, you could be a 35-year-old freaking Sarah, a 45-year-old Christine, Brandon, whoever. You got to find a place that’s you that you anchor into that’s you, that you commit and promise yourself that no matter what the environment looks like, that no matter what somebody says to you, that no matter how many nos you get in that job interview, how many nos you get at that college application or dating or whatever you’re attempting to obtain or go for, that you would promise and commit to yourself you still anchor to who you are.

Because as you stay who you are, you calibrate what is yours. And when you calibrate what is yours, that’s when the job comes to you. That’s when the mate comes to you. That’s when the purpose comes to you. That’s when your village comes to you and you don’t have to wear the mask anymore. You don’t have to wear the costume anymore.

And you wake up every morning in your own skin with your own freaking hair in who you are and it’s no mask. It’s authentic and it feels so good and that’s where your freedom is, your joy is and your purpose is. If you want to be happy, don’t attempt to make $1 million. If you want to be happy, chase wealth. That wealth is your authentic self of who you are. That’s the wealth.

I am the wealthiest person on earth, Camille, because I wake up in who I am. I speak when I speak with the strength that I have. I show up on MTV and I give those people everything I have, which is how I am because I can’t give everything I have if I’m giving a mask. You can’t give everything you got if you don’t know who you are because you’re giving an illusion and you’re giving falsity. You’re not giving authenticity and people feel it. People know it.

And law of attraction is what we attract who we are despite who we think we are. So, if you are not in contact with who you are, don’t get mad at your fake relationships because that means that you are watering your dead plants, just like people are watering you who doesn’t have life. Not because you don’t want it, because you don’t know who you are. And what happens when you water a fake plant? Please. What happens when you water a fake plant? Does it grow? No. It’s fake.

And that’s what we continuously do with ourselves. It’s like societal constructs, social media, and environment, which is exactly what I described when I was little girl. We didn’t have social media, but I had environment. I grew up in in the inner city. I grew up in the hood. I grew up with teenage parents. It was a lot. I was the oldest of 7, the first grandchild. I was this mixed kid. It was all of these societal constructs that I had to look at and go, wait a minute. Out of all of this, who am I? And who am I proud to be?

And I committed and promised myself as a little girl that I’m going to show up every day in hurt. But now as a little girl, I promise to show up every day in her to be honest and transparent more to piss the people off who were trying to chip away at me. And so, as a little girl, I thought you don’t like that part of me, I’m going to be more of her. You don’t like that part of me. I’m going to show up more in who she is and I don’t care who doesn’t like it.

And if that means I have to be by myself, then fine. But what happened was by me being willing to be by myself to have my freedom and to love myself because that’s epitome of self-love is saying, hey, I love me. My village just clung to me and me to them. And so, I end up having 25 years of friendships where I can be me and they are them. And it’s love and it’s real. I end up having a family that acclimated to how I really am and me to them because of the authenticity of who I was. And I had parents who thank God really rooted for me and said, “Hey, be who you are. Stand up in that.”

And if they don’t love it, my grandmother uses curse words I don’t want to say in your podcast, but if they don’t love it, then screw them. And she’s very strong in that. And I took that, Camille, and I’m 40 now and I still stand on that foundation of I can only be who I am. And that has to be good enough because after who I am, there’s nothing else and there shouldn’t be.

Unless I start to create a mask or I start to create something fake and I would not do a disservice to myself, one, to my creator who created me, to make my creator think that they made a mistake in creating me, that’s an ultimate disrespect. You created me in your image and that means that I’m perfectly the way I’m created. And I will never do the disservice to my clients or even beautiful people like yourself, Camille, and your beautiful audience of giving them something outside of me.

Because I feel like when they get me, my self-love tells me that they get the best. And I think that everyone outside of me, everyone who’s listening to this podcast, I want your homework to be two things. One, find your sense of self. How do you do that? You show up in who you are even if it’s little pieces at a time for those who have a loss, completely lost who you are. How do you know when you’re showing up in who you are? You say, how does this feel?

If when you show up, you feel calm and in peace, that’s a part of you. Write that down. That’s who you are. If when you show up, you feel discord and disconnected, that’s not who you are because your spirit is telling you that’s not it. When you feel aligned and in peace, that means you’re aligned with your spirit. Spirit is who you are. And it’s saying, atta girl, atta boy, that’s us. Stay there.

And whoever doesn’t like it, be a repellant to them. Be okay with that. Just like you’re honey, you attract your bees. But if you’re not, you won’t. But you can only fake and be honey for so long before you demise, before you’re drained, you dissipate and there’s nothing left for you but depression, mental health issues, and for some people, unfortunately suicide.

And that’s where depression comes from when you go dark and you only go dark when you lose your sense of self. And your sense of self is what? It’s light. It’s your light, who you are. Your light and self-love are one. So, when you give up who you are to be something else outside of that, you become a dimmer and as everyone knows, a dimmer only dims for long before it does what? It goes dark. And when you’re dark, it’s hard as heck to find a light switch.

No one can help you because if they come into your darkness with you unless they’re a trained professional and good at what they do, I don’t want to toot my horn, but that’s what I do, I go in the darkness with you. And we navigate the heck out of everything freaking piece of that room and environment until we find your light switch. For some people, it flips right on. For some folks, we go and we start to get the dimmer and turn it on little by little until they go, oh my God.

And if you ever experience which I do all the time which is why I’m so grateful for what I do, helping someone find their light switch while you’re dimming it up for them or flips all the way on, that breakthrough, there’s no money in the world, there’s no check that any Viacom, MTV, anybody can pay me for that experience of somebody having a breakthrough of going through their darkness into their light. That’s wealth beyond wealth right there. That’s wealth beyond wealth. So, find yourself, do your homework and that’s what your purpose is and your freedom and your happiness and your village. It’s your village.

CAMILLE [31:47]

I love that so much. You said there were two things with the homework. You said the first was finding yourself. Did you say what the second was and I missed it?

CHEYENNE [31:56]

Yeah. And the other one is to make sure that you show up in yourself every single solitary day even if it’s little pieces of yourself. And I say little pieces, Camille, because to tell somebody to show up in your whole self is I don’t want to use the word disrespectful, but it’s very uncompassionate because for people who have lost their sense of self, how do you tell them to show up in their whole self? They don’t have a whole self. They’re finding it and it is okay to be in the space of finding yourself.

That’s why I say if you find a glimpse of that feeling that I just told you all where you feel in peace and you feel whole, that’s who you are. Write it down. It could be I went for a walk and I felt at this moment. What was I doing? I was walking. Write down walking. I was texting my best friend about what? About travelling. Write it down because I want you to write down, take a self-inventory. It’s called a sense of self-inventory. Write it down.

Every day, I want you to look at it and go, okay. This is who I am. And you’d be surprised at how many people have lost their sense of self and this sense of self-inventory has changed so many of my client’s lives. This changed their marriages. It’s changed their relationship with their kids, with their parents because they’re coming home and they’re showing up in who they are.

And there’s something magical about being you. People tend to really, really accept and love you when you are who you are. As much as you think they don’t, they do. They do really. Short story, I remember I was getting engaged to my previous fiancée and this was before we got engaged, we started dating. And I’m single now, but we started dating.

And we were at lunch and I remember saying to him, “Hey, by the way,” because he was talking about he wants to get into a relationship, he wants to take dating to the next level, and I said, “I like you too. I would love to be with you as well. However, I got to let you know what you’re choosing because I want to be loved unconditionally and the only way for us to be loved unconditionally is to do what? Show all of our conditions, the ugly and the good ones. Show them the wounds. Show them.”

And so, I said, hey, just so you know, I’m an abandoned little girl who turned into an abandoned woman and I have done so much work on my abandonment, so much work on myself and so the abandoned little girl doesn’t show up every day, but she does show up. How often? Not sure. It’s not every day. It could be once a month. We can go six months without her showing up, but that little piece of crap shows up and when she shows up, this mature woman that you’ve been dating, she turns into that little girl. And what that little girl looks like, she looks afraid. And she can start to poke for no reason and she’ll probably start some arguments which you won’t understand. And she might even try to sabotage the relationship because that’s what abandoned little girls do.

And in that moment, you have to know that that’s the abandoned little girl that you also committed to being with and that grown woman that you’re used to dating, she’s totally left the relationship in that moment. If you can facilitate the little girl, we’re not worried about you facilitating the woman, she can facilitate herself, that little girl, she’s alive and she comes with pain and trauma and the woman isn’t always able to love on her enough for her to go away.

So, sometimes, she keeps in and if you can facilitate that little girl when she pops up, we will be okay. But if you cannot, she will tear this whole relationship up, this entire relationship up. Even if she comes to visit for two hours. And he said, “I want in. Let’s go.” But I had to make sure that he understood what he was getting into. And I had to make sure that he accepted all of me including that little girl who I don’t like when she comes to visit either, Camille. I’m like, oh my God. That you again, you are going to screw this whole thing up.

And if the person isn’t strong enough, she does. And I’m okay with that because she’s a piece of me. And so, for me to negate her is the epitome of self-hate. The epitome of self-love, I have to love everything about me and everything I come with. And my friends know that she comes to visit sometimes.

Whoever I date has to know that. And until she completely, completely shifts because the little girl in you, the little boy in you never goes away, they go play when you heal and then they come back and you’re always working on this very balanced self-talk self-therapeutic dialogue that you have with your internal self of the adult Camile and the little girl Camille. And the adult Camille is going to have to learn how to really facilitate and love the little girl in you because she will come and do stuff that’s very weird. And people won’t understand it.

And so, my point is what? You want to be able to show up and know who you are so you can tell people what they‘re choosing and here goes the magic and what they’re not choosing if they decide not to choose you wholly. And either way is okay because you don’t want somebody choosing you who can’t facilitate you and vice versa because a relationship will demise anyways. You’ve got to know who you’re choosing, who you’re not choosing, and you have to know who you are.

So, you tell people, listen. This is my color palette. I go from very colorful to very, very dim or I’m always colorful, whatever that looks like and let them see everything because then you get unconditional love. The people in my life, the reason why my relationships with them are wealthy and I call my circle wealth is because they love all my colors. I’m not saying they like every color when they pop up or I’m not saying my little girl comes and they’re not like, oh lord, have mercy. But they hang through it. They stick through it. They love on her as well and we work through it as a team. And that’s what makes for healthy relationship.

Healthy relationships are not perfect. They’re relationships that are willing to work through those kinks like Jesus did in the storm, go to sleep in the storm until it’s over. And then, work back up. You’re still not leaving. You’re not deviating. You’re not sabotaging. You’re sticking through whatever comes as long as it’s not abusive or something where it’s completely demising your mental health. We’re not talking about that.

We’re talking about regular life impairments. People got traumas. They have issues and they show up. And they show up in behaviors. They show up in sabotaging ways and they show up when they doubt themselves. They show up in insecurities. And those are things that happen if you’re human and you’re breathing. And if you expect them not to happen, then you will be an island. An island is what? They’re by themselves. They may get visitors, but no one stays.

CAMILLE [38:44]

Yeah. I think that’s so beautiful that you have that self-awareness of saying, this is who I am and this is what it comes with. I think relationships would be so much healthier if that was a scenario where everyone could sit down and have so much self-awareness first of all to know the different pieces that are there, and then also to say, this is a piece of who I am. And it’s all of me. I think that’s so beautiful.

CHEYENNE [39:08]

Yeah, totally. And I think people need to stick by their people and be okay with pulling back and taking people into the word dosage. You’re my BFF and I say, look, I can take Camille 96% of the time, but that 4% when she turns into some of her trauma because I’m not willing to be at the hands of the abuse, 4%, she knows too I have to back up a little bit.

And I can maybe send a text that says, “I love you, but I can’t be fully physically present.” She has to fully respect that, but that 96%, I can be there. But 100%, I got your back, but I have to pull back on those 4%. That’s love because healthy people respect and honor healthy decisions. You said it, Camille. You said, “No.” You didn’t say, “You’re not having that back in that 4%. You’re leaving me hanging or abandoning me.” You set boundaries. Look at that. You knew the healthiness of what I was expressing.

And your 4%, Camille, I got to set some boundaries. But of course, if you need me in that 4%, I will be there, but I just can’t be in that dysfunction with you because it causes pain for me. And I’m working on my stuff too. So, in that moment, I got you from a distance, but I can’t be fully in that with you. It’s love, yeah. And I’m not leaving you. I got you. And I will send help, but I can’t just be in there with you. I can’t be in that room with you for 4% because if we’re both dark, who in the heck helps who?

Yeah, and it’s healthy to say that. And folks who are not healthy say, “You can’t be in the dark with me 90% of the time, you don’t love me.” No, you don’t love yourself because if you did, you will understand self-love and you would know that that person is just choosing self-love. They’re not choosing unhealthiness over anything. They’re just choosing self-love and boundaries and that is what a healthy person does. And healthy people understand healthy people just like how hurt people hurt people.

CAMILLE [41:04]

Yeah. I’m curious as we talked about this a little bit about setting our own goals and growth in seasons. And I want to switch gears a little bit with people starting the new year and there’s that societal pressure of getting things done at a certain time or I don’t know why January 1, it seems to be that’s when everyone thinks that’s when it has to be, but what advice would you give to people about setting goals in their seasons and being able to show up for themselves and loving themselves through that?

CHEYENNE [41:237]

Yeah. That’s another great question, Camille. I’m not a new years resolution person. But again, whoever does that, I think it’s amazing if it works for you and I fully, fully, fully support you on it. The reason why I am not a new year’s per se January 1st resolution setting person because I believe and I know everyone has their season. We talked about this, Camille.

And January is not my season, then I don’t want to set goals in January. What if January is my harvest season and not my seed planting season? So, one of my harvests is all uprooting in January through say April and I’m supposed to be enjoying my harvest. And then, come May, that’s my time to plant my seeds. Then I should be setting my resolutions in May when it’s my time and my season to plant.

And so, I’m glad you asked. What I’m saying is we all have our season. And again, everything goes back to self and the sense of self. I’m going to give you guys another homework. So, third homework, I want you to start to get in contact and pay attention and measure when are your seasons? Not just new year’s resolutions. Set goals there too if you want to. There’s nothing wrong with setting goals, but I want you to pay attention to your season. What does that mean?

There’s only two seasons. Harvest and seed. So, seed means you’re planting. Harvest means you’re receiving it. You can’t be planting and receiving at the same time. That’s okay, but pay attention, okay. Do I usually tend to receive my results in the summertime? Okay, cool beans. That means that I’m doing less planting and I’m doing more of enjoying my harvest. Okay, but it seems like in the winter, I’m having not a lot of harvest. Then you know what? Head down. Plant like crazy. Plant, plant, plant, plant, plant. Set your goals, keep planting. Do everything you can.

And this is one huge gigantic tool that I use for myself and I tell all of my clients. You should be planting even if it’s one seed every single day. And let me tell you why. Because I started planting one seed every single day. Now, in my life, every day, guess who has the harvest? And sometimes, I have multiple harvests every day.

And so, why I say plant every day is because if you’re only planting January 1st, and then you don’t get any harvest, 5, 6 months because you’re only doing your planting the first of the year, and then you go into doubt or you start to feel like I’m not reaching my goals. No. It’s not that you’re not reaching your goals. You’re not planting enough.

I would like to offer everyone that yes, set your goals, which seeds you’re planting on January 1st, but January 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, February, March, April, May, all throughout the year, every day, you’re planting a seed. And let me go a little further. Planting a seed doesn’t mean you’re putting in 15 applications to a job every day. That’s draining. I get it.

Planting seeds are as simple as every day, you’re having positive thoughts that are about that thing you want. Every day, emotionally, you’re keeping yourself upbeat and vibrant and high vibration so that your thought matches your emotions. Come on. Your -part house is coming. We got two parts down pack in three alignment and our everyday, your behaviors show you’re showing up is matching what you want, your thoughts, your emotions and how you behave.

Every day, you’re making sure my three-part house is matched. It may not happen in physical form yet, but I’m showing up. That’s planting seeds. Every day, I’m sending one email to something or somebody about what I want. Every day, I’m writing down three or four things that I can do that gets me closer to that one or two goals that I want. Every day, I’m making sure I’m watching a YouTube video whether it’s about law of attraction or something positive or audio book or one of the Dr. Bryant YouTube videos about how I can think positive.

I keep my mind clear. I’m showing you the ways you can plant the small seeds. Maybe for those who are, and I’m going to go there because depression is at an all-time high, experiencing some symptoms of depression, maybe for you, it’s you don’t leave the house for weeks at a time. One of your seed planting may be I’m going to commit to leaving the house once a week even if I go for a one hour walk. That’s planting a freaking seed of getting out of your depression. What do you mean?

That’s huge or what if it’s like you’re not a reader, but you want to open up a business and you don’t want to go to school or college or a trade for it. Okay. Once a week, I’m going to read one book that has to do with how to open this commerce business, how to become a life coach, how to become a better parent, a better wife, a better communicator, a sports agent. I don’t care what you want to do. Now, every week I’m going to read a book. That’s planting a seed.

And those things turn to harvest. And they turn to harvest collectively to where you are before if you’re planting something every day small, huge things come out of that. And let me tell you the magic about your harvest whether it be small, but especially the big harvest, they freaking empower you like no other.

When you start to look in your garden, you’re like, holy moly. I planted. I didn’t even know all this was coming in its season. You go and start to plant everything because now, you see the fruits of your labor. And now, you’re empowered because you see the benefits of planting. But one thing I want to say, don’t ever stop planting. I don’t care if you get a dry season. Plow up and plant like crazy. Always plant. Whatever you plant will grow, whether it grows little or it grows big. You’re going to get growth. It’s the law. It’s not an opinion. Whatever you plant will grow.

That’s why you have to plant in your three-part house only the things you want to grow. And so, if you have these relationships that again are growing weeds, let me tell you something I really love, one of my favorite little scriptures or pieces of the Bible, it says about plowing out. It says you don’t have to plow the weeds because the weeds and the wheat grow together. But the wheat will always outgrow the weeds.

So, you don’t have to spend your time, watch this, it’s about your thoughts. You don’t have to spend your time trying to get rid of the weeds, i.e., negative thoughts. You don’t have to spend your time on doing that because what you focus on magnifies. So, while you’re trying to plow out your weeds in your garden, weeds in your mind, your negative thoughts, guess what you’re doing? You’re focusing on it. So, you’re magnifying it. So, you’re getting more of it.

Even not to go biblical, but this is something the Bible says. Don’t plow out the freaking weeds. Leave them there. They have their season too. All you have to do is water your wheat because guess what? The wheat is what feds you not the weeds. And what you focus on magnifies. So, only plant and nurture your positive wheats, your positive thinking. Don’t even worry about the thoughts that come up negative. Don’t worry about the weeds that come through your cracks and crevices. They only grow so far unless you water them or pay attention to them. And you are magnifying by focusing on them.

And so, again, planting seeds means what? Every day, I’m going to think positive thoughts. And then, how do you reprogram your thoughts? And I know we’ve got to wrap up, but I want to say this because this is important. Manifestation comes from how you feel, not what you think. However, what you think does impact how you feel. OK? So, how do you reprogram your thoughts?

Any time you have a negative thought, I would say something that could happen to most of us or it has happened to me, I’ve gotten dressed. I’m headed to a meeting or I’m headed to speak. And all of a sudden, coffee or something spills on my shirt. And most, not all, have a tendency to say, oh my god. I see how this day is going to go.

So, now, what I say is, so when that comes up, when your negative thought come up of like, I see how this day is going to go or goodness, here we go again, you hear yourself say it or you catch it before it comes all the way full thought. And you go, total opposite, it’s called reverse uno, reverse uno on it and say, I know exactly how today is going to go. Absolutely amazing. Everything’s going to be in my favor. Doors are just going to open up for me. It’s just going to be one of those magical days. I switch it up so quick.

And I’m telling you every single time, Camille, that’s how my day goes, the way that I set my momentum because remember, we have dominion over everything even our thoughts, even how our day will go. Possessing it means today’s going to be magical. Why? Because I said so. That’s conviction. It’s not arrogant. That’s conviction. It’s going to be absolutely amazing. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. Today is going to pour in blessings after blessings and I’m excited.

And the more that you feel negativity come in, I want you to challenge your positive inner voice to completely overpower the negative voice. If you have to go within, I have this competitive nature of my positive voice can be louder than you negative voice, have on it. That’s much better than letting your negative voice overpower the positive one. Always put up that good fight for yourself. And always resist the thoughts that come in that you would not pray for or you would not ask for.

Again, the Bible says, think only the thoughts that are praise-worthy. So, is the thought you’re thinking right now something you would pray for and something you would ask for, something you’d want to manifest? If it’s yes, think the heck out of that. If it’s no, get it out of there quick. And how do you replace it? Just go opposite.

Even if you don’t know, just go opposite. Today’s going to be bad. Today’s going to be absolutely amazing. Oh my God, my hair is absolutely amazing. I feel so fat. My body looks perfect. Just go there if you don’t feel it, don’t worry about it. It’s momentum. It’ll catch at some point. But your job, plant seeds of the good stuff and you won’t see it when it’s in the soil. So, don’t get discouraged. It’ll come up in your seed and you go, oh my God, my garden’s doing its thing. And that’s the recipe to manifestation. Yeah.

CAMILLE [52:13]

I feel like we have ben richly fed and I know that for myself even for my own thoughts and for thinking about how I’m going to help my children through negative thoughts that they’ve had and they’re wrestling with. And I think you hit the nail on the head saying that depression and anxiety is at an all-time high for everyone. I feel like everyone is in such desperate need of this kind of food and water and just strength. So, I just want to thank you for feeding us so well today and giving so many nuggets of wisdom and knowledge. Please tell our audience where they can find you.

CHEYENNE [52:50]

Yeah, absolutely. And Camille, thank you for having me and for having this platform. It’s folks like yourself who literally honestly allow yourself and us experts to come on and feed people wealth of what is true wealth that gives happiness and joy and it fills them up. And so, thank you for doing that and allowing yourself to be a vessel, so thank you so much.

But y’all can find me at www.drbryant.co. That’s www.drbryant.co. That’s my website, not .com, drbryant.co. And you can Google Dr. Bryant. It comes up number one on Google, which is awesome. On my website, I have my book that you can purchase. I have my services as far as my one-on-one coaching, my group coaching, my family coaching, me as a speaker if you have any events you’d like to have me show up for.

Also, my Mexico retreat, which comes up January 26th-29th of 2023, it’s a recharge reprogram Mexico retreat. We have booked out the entire resort and so it will only be our guests in the resort. It’s going to be magical, fun, bonding, loving, healing and all that stuff you can ever imagine. And then, social media, it’s @_drbryant and that’s just @_drbryant.

CAMILLE [54:14]

Awesome. Thank you again. It’s been such a pleasure.

CHEYENNE [54:19]

Absolutely. Thank you and keep up the good work, girl. You’re doing a great job.

CAMILLE [54:22]

Thank you.

[MUSIC]

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Call me CEO. If you found it inspiring and you want to share, please do so on social media. You can find us @callmeceopodcast on Instagram as well as YouTube.

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