Harnessing the Power of Your Brain | Ashleigh Di Lello

ASHLEIGH DI LELLO [0:00]

The world needs more than ever more people to be living free of their challenges that are really holding them stuck and just that light and that hope we need more of that because we have so much of the other.

[MUSIC]

CAMILLE WALKER [00:26]

So, you want to make an impact. You’re thinking about starting a business sharing your voice. How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We’ll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO.

If you have ever wondered what the limitations of your mind can be or what you are capable of, you’ve got to listen to this episode with Ashleigh Di Lello, who is the founder and creator of Bio Emotional Healing, a revolutionary method based in neuroscience that helps her clients around the world break from limiting beliefs, behaviors, emotional trauma, and the effects of chronic pain and illness. We also talk about how you can use this same practice to overcome anxiety, depression, and different limitations that exist within your mind.

Ashleigh is someone who has gone through two transformative times in her life where she was told that she could not live past and through some really difficult physical experiences in her life. She was also a contestant of So You Think You Can Dance and elite athlete on TV, Broadway, and an entrepreneur, and a mind coach. You’re going to love this episode. So, let’s dive in.

Welcome back everyone to another episode of Call Me CEO. And this is an episode that I’ve been looking forward to recording for a while. Ashleigh Di Lello, I was so nervous about saying your last name right that I messed up your first name. Ashleigh Di Lello is here with us today and she is such a beautiful person inside and out. And we are going to dive into how she can help you heal your body with your mind which is something that she’s done more than once.

And I can’t wait for you to hear her story because I recently saw her present at an event and my jaw was just to the floor of everything you’ve been through, oh my gosh, and that you are the creator of Bio Emotional healing, which she has trademarked. And it’s made just by her and it’s unique to her in a way of using neuroscience to heal your body, which is incredible. So, thank you so much for being here today.

ASHLEIGH [2:39]

I’m so excited to be here. Thank you. And I want to emphasize also use your mind to heal your mind because we have more mental-emotional issues and struggles that are happening at an unprecedented rate in our entire history. So, your mind is so powerful both for what’s happening in your mind, but also, of course, and through my journey what’s happening in your body.

CAMILLE [3:08]

Yeah, oh my gosh. That’s a whole topic that I’m like yes, we need to dive into this. And before we go down into that beautiful path, we’re going to fangirl for a moment because you were on So You Think You Can Dance with your husband. Was it Season 6?

ASHLEIGH [3:24]

Yeah. No, it was. Seems like a long time ago now.

CAMILLE [3:27]

Let’s just say, those were the golden years of So You Think You Can Dance because I feel like after they changed the format and things, I don’t know. It just wasn’t as good. You got in there right when things were in their sweet spot.

Tell us about how you met your husband. I know that was before the competition, but your journey is just so fun and I’m such a fan of you. And your try-out, I just rewatched it, weird and funny. But man, just going through the process of trying out and the way that they talked to you, I’m like you’d have to have a mind of steel, girlfriend. It’s scary.

ASHLEIGH [3:53]

Gosh, we can talk about so much in that because it is a TV show. The dancing is real, but a lot of the rest is manipulated because it’s entertainment. So, we could talk a whole hour on so much.

CAMILLE [4:16]

It’s like we need to do an episode of that.

ASHLEIGH [4:19]

It’s funny because now it’s back, which is great. But my episode’s been so long ago. I can talk about it, but they get to know you prior to even you getting on stage. They have people to just get familiar with you, so, of course, they knew my husband and I, we were married, which is rare and no married couple had ever made the show and they haven’t since we were on it because obviously, it’s rare to have two people that both can be versatile and have a personality.

And anyone named Ashleigh was my competition, anyone for my husband named Ryan was competition. There are just a million factors of how you can make 1/10 spots for a female, 1/10 for a male. And that was at the height, so I think there was something like 10,000 people that year that auditioned. So, obviously, your odds are pretty slim and there’s so many talented people in the world and some of these factors.

So, they set us up from the beginning. I think they had an idea we could go far potentially. And so, they wanted to make it more dramatic. And so, Ryan and I were the first ones to dance in Salt Lake City. So, all the competitors were there and we were the very first ones on stage. And prior to when we would go on, Nigel Lythgoe says, “You know what? I know you’re ballroom dancers. And you’re used to looking at each other, but we are here in front of you, the judges and the audience, and I want you making eye contact with us throughout the whole dance.”

I’m not kidding. This is on film. So, my husband and I are looking at each other like that’s not what we do. Of course, we engage with our audience, but ballroom dancers engage with each other. That’s part of that chemistry. So, literally as we’re about to dance, he says that and it throws me off. I’m actually not a huge fan of that audition tape because the floor was so slippery and it just threw me off what we normally did.

And then, we danced and they’re like, “Man, you guys just barely looked at each other.” They’re like, “You didn’t really have chemistry.” And if you watched me closely and you know me well, I’m trying so hard to control my face and be like, “Are you kidding me? You set us up.” So, anyhow, there was so much more from that because then it was drama and when I was on the show, they kept saying, “I think you have more chemistry with your partner than your husband.” It was just a storyline, but nonetheless, it was the most amazing experience, for sure.

CAMILLE [7:07]

Wow, those were the behind-the-scenes tips that you don’t know about unless you know someone who’s been in that situation where they really do try to weave in a story that has nothing to do with the actual process. It’s the drama piece. So, I appreciate you sharing that because geez, they were pretty bad on you, on that try-out. I’m really sorry.

ASHLEIGH [7:29]

No, it’s okay. And they were through the Vegas too and they completely manipulated the story of me making the show, but all of that was to create drama. And when you sign the contract to do the show, you literally sign your right away. You obviously can control what you say on camera and what you do, but they’re so good at creating whatever story they want.

CAMILLE [7:58]

Whatever narrative they want.

ASHLEIGH [7:58]

Yeah. So, I did sometimes in interviews say, “No, I’m not going to say that” because the producers would try to feed a certain narrative to put you in a certain type. And thankfully, I was older and I realized that quickly, so I was more apt to stand up and say, “No, I would never say that because that’s not my personality” because they have to have enough different personalities going on. So, yeah, that’s the other side of the whole thing that you don’t just see, but when we walk on stage, that is us. We have control over that and you just have to embrace that.

CAMILLE [8:38]

Yeah, oh my gosh. It’s no question that you have such a fierce amount of knowing your strength and strong will. That’s something where in your story, we never saw, but as a child you went through some major physical hardships that even led you to that point of being able to dance in a competitive format, let alone a competition that people are watching all over the world really. Can you take us back and tell our audience about what happened in your youth and how that led into dance and expression and everything else you’ve done?

ASHLEIGH [9:13]

Yeah. I wanted to dance as soon as I came out of the womb. So, it was just something I loved. And I’m so grateful for that because it did help save my life. Having something that I was so passionate about doing and, of course, taught me some discipline and dedication really young because I started dancing 5 hours a day when I was 7, which now that I have an 8-year-old, I can’t really even imagine for me then. It felt like what I wanted to do and there was nothing weird about wanting to do that instead of playing.

But I started doing that 5 hours a day and that was such a huge part of my life obviously and what I loved. And my nickname was the energizer bunny because it was like I didn’t ever seem to run out of energy. It literally went from that type of living to overnight fighting for my life.

And it’s a long story, but to make it short, I was told that, first of all, they told me to accept that I most likely wouldn’t live past my teenage years. Then, if by some chance, very few experts gave me the survival, but those who did said I’d never be able to dance again like never be able to endure those physical rigors of where I had before.

And that really was a defining moment for me. I remember the first time that happened and they sent in a psychologist to tell me to accept. I needed to come to acceptance that I was dying. And in that moment, I can’t even put to words, just sitting in that room and thinking, what happened to my life? It was so out of nowhere and you’re almost just like this can’t be my reality. This cannot be what my life has come down to.

And then, in that moment, I just mustered the greatest strength and resilience that I had and I really credit my mom to letting me respond because I know she was ready to jump in there, but she really let me define what my experience would be. And I remember taking literally probably the biggest deep breath of my life and just looking at him and saying, “I don’t accept this.”

And that was the beginning of fighting for my life over 4 years and living in that type of survival, which is quite rare to really be teetering on that edge. I wouldn’t go to sleep at night because I would, in certain timeframes, be afraid my body wouldn’t make it if I surrounded that conscious will to live.

So, that matters because obviously, it took me later in life, the brain, nervous system because obviously during those 4 years, my nervous system was hardwired into fight or flight. I was in survival all day every day. And so, even when I survived, which I finally after 4 years wasn’t in that threat of dying, but then I had to rebuild strength and get better and I was out of dance in total for 6 years until I was at the physical place to go back to that.

But I didn’t realize that even once I survived, that stress response was running at a subconscious level because obviously, my brain felt very validated and maintaining that because I had defined what was told to me what was impossible. So, my brain was like, “I’m not going to stop running this stress program.” And I didn’t realize that until, of course, over two decades later when I went through my second life-altering experience.

CAMILLE [13:02]

Okay. So, let’s back up for those who are not familiar. What age were you when this happened and what was your diagnosis? Were you given a diagnosis?

ASHLEIGH [13:11]

No, that was the hardest part. In fact, I would go into tests and pray that it would be positive. I was only 13 years old when it happened. And I had every test scan that existed at the time and they could tell I had a very rare viral infection. My organs were shutting down, but nobody knew what it was. I was misdiagnosed with other things along the way, but then they realized, okay, that wasn’t it because we were grasping at straws. It was like can we just know what this is, so I can treat it? It was literally the scariest part. Not just knowing you’re dying, but how do I stop this?

CAMILLE [13:56]

Yeah, or what is it? How do we put a name to this, so we can treat it or even begin to understand what’s happening? I can’t imagine as a child going into that scenario. You don’t know. But as a parent, I can’t imagine your poor parents watching this happen to their young vibrant beautiful daughter and just being like, “What is happening to my child?” That just would be horrible.

ASHLEIGH [14:20]

I get emotional when I think of it. Both my parents, my mom is my hero and really was also that epitome of not giving up and finding answers. The times that my daughters had to go to the ER or has had things, I’d always call my mom and just say, “I don’t know how you did that.” Looking at your daughter and feeling so helpless and me fighting to live and that helplessness as a parent that you can only do so much. And I know with my mom, it would make my mad because she’d be like, “I wish I could take this.” And that would make me mad because I’m like, “I don’t want you to have this,” but I completely understand why. And yeah, my mom’s my hero, absolutely.

CAMILLE [15:05]

So, take me to that moment and now as a mother looking at it, I’m sure especially now that your daughter’s getting closer to the age you were, you’re starting to realize those emotions that she had for you and that love, what was that turning point of you realizing you were getting better? And I know that because I’ve seen you talk about this before that you said that you were self-healing through your mind power without even knowing what it was that you were doing or what that process was. So, what was that transition for you and when did you realize that the tides were turning and you were healing?

ASHLEIGH [15:41]

The hardest part about that is it’s very gradual. So, I learned early on I had to celebrate the smallest wins. I got to a place of not being able to lift my finger like literally not having the strength to do that, so being able to go from my bedroom to the bathroom on my won. As incredibly minor as that would be to all of us and myself now, it was, okay, I’ve got to celebrate that.

At that time, I didn’t know anything about the brain or neuroscience. But what’s really amazing and what I teach and understand now is the brain is wired to validate our beliefs and it’s looking for evidence all the time to validate our beliefs. That’s why if we have disempowering beliefs, our brain is going to point out all day every day to validate it.

But in the other side, if we have empowering beliefs, our brain is wired to look for evidence to point to that. So, not knowing anything about neuroscience, even psychologists told me I was living in denial, but I had this belief and even I would say even deeper than that a conviction that I was going to live. I was going to survive and I would dance again.

And so, my brain helped direct me and it did that in two ways I think to celebrate all steps of progress. So, rather than only focusing on where I wasn’t, I was looking at where I was going and how it was different, but also, I was in all these tests and scans for hours at a time. And I know I spoke about this where you were and I just suddenly had this idea like if I have to sit here in these tubes, I’m going to dance in my mind. I’m going to pass this time by dancing in my mind.

And so, I would do that. I would go through class and technique and I would go through performances on stage and I would see it and it would feel so real to me. I would be crying in the machine, but not from sadness, from that joy and gratitude of truly believing in seeing myself do it again. And I did that for those 6 years, not every single day, but very consistently.

And it also gave me this hope because it was a stark contrast to my reality, but that’s what’s so cool about the brain is that the brain really doesn’t know the difference between something that actually is and something that we’re vividly creating imagining in our mind. And so, I was harnessing my brain’s neuroplasticity to create those neural pathways as if I had been dancing for 6 years, which is why I was able to go back now at 10 years old, a woman having not only not physically dance, but been completely bedridden inactive and my ability to come back and dance at the level I was with my peers really didn’t make sense to anyone and myself included. I really was like, God is blessing me.

But later when I studied neuroscience, I was like, oh my gosh. I was harnessing that capability that we all have and that’s what just made me I think ever since I was little, I must have been led to work with the brain because without knowing anything about it, I just had these beliefs and therefore, those beliefs drove me to certain actions because that’s how our brain works and that’s why what we believe in ourselves and our potential is so powerful.

CAMILLE [19:42]

That is amazing. I grew up dancing, not to the level you did, and I remember even feeling like if I miss a summer, I am behind or there was one year where I was in drill team and we took a whole summer to learn how to ride unicycles and the entire team had to learn how to ride unicycles because it was a tradition of Bountiful High School. That’s where I went to high school.

And I remember thinking, oh my gosh, we are wasting three months where we could be working on our technique and our unity and our routines to do these unicycles and feeling like I was so behind. So, I can’t imagine those 6 years, and then going into this professional competitive space, but with the power of your mind, you were able to maintain that consistency.

That is just mind-blowing to me that that’s such a real tangible physical evidence of what you were doing, which is amazing. I think the closest thing I’ve ever gotten to that is I did Hypnobabies with two of my children, which is where you visualize your body in labor and what your body is allowing itself to do by nature and accepting those contractions as what they call pressure waves and that it’s all a beautiful process.

You breathe through it. You let your body do it. And if you allow your mind to think of it as pressure and not pain, then you will experience pressure and not pain. And because I had been in a place where epidurals hadn’t worked well for me and I thought, if I’m going natural anyway, may as well give this a try. And I can testify with all the power of my being that it worked and I did not experience pain, I was experiencing pressure.

But it required daily practice, which at the time, you’re just doing it by faith. Is this actually going to work? Am I crazy? People would say, “Why are you doing this?” And more than anything, it was that resolution in your mind, that conviction that my brain has the power to create this reality. And so, I can relate in that way and I just think it’s so beautiful that you’re allowing other people to realize that they can use their brains for power.

ASHLEIGH [22:01]

Yeah. I love that. Two-fold because that’s my greatest passion is we all have different talents and intellects and inherent strengths, but we all have this unbelievable brain and it’s like this level playing field. It’s not just that’s them, this is me. It’s like no, we haven’t been taught how truly powerful we are. And the capabilities in our life, no matter what we were born with or no matter the challenges that come our way.

And to the other point of what you said with it being pressure instead of pain, this is another place that is so important to understand how your brain works. Everything comes down to meaning. So, the meaning we give our experience in our lives is really what determines how our brain reacts to it. So obviously, nobody wants to feel pain and going through a chronic pain journey as an adult, I can tell you my brain’s meaning around pain is at a whole new level than it was even when I was sick.

But when you change and that’s what they were really telling you to do because pressure feels a lot less threatening, so therefore, your brain isn’t already feeling so threatened around the contractions. And when the brain feels threatened around anything, it amplifies the stress response. So, that can actually amplify the pain. That can amplify your emotional reaction to the pain and therefore, your tolerance of it.

So, what I love about that is not that you’re just not visualizing ahead of time, but you gave the experience a different meaning and therefore, the way your brain saw it and reacted to it was completely different. And I’m not saying labor is easy. Mine was 26 hours. I’m not saying this, but when we put such a, oh my gosh and it’s horrible and scary and so painful and movies do it too, we are already setting ourselves up for our brain having a huge threat response around the experience.

And so, it's so powerful. It seems like, does that really matter? It absolutely does. The brain is constantly relying on us to give the meaning of our life and our experiences. And even though it feels like it’s in charge, we ultimately are in charge.

So, I love that you shared that too because it isn’t just me. That’s my whole message because there’s too many inspiring stories where you’re like, wow, great, but that’s them and they are like this and that’s who they are and I’m me in my life. And I’m like no, you have a brain just like I do. And you literally can learn to harness it to heal and create the life that you want and experience life differently, react to it differently, so I’m so glad you shared that.

CAMILLE [25:01]

Thank you. Yeah, I have done a series of teaching people how I did it online, but I haven’t talked a lot about it for a while, but it was so transformative in my life. I was forever changed from doing that. And so, now I’m like, man, with manifestation and meditation and learning about what you’re doing, I believe it.

I believe it and I know that it changes lives. And now as a mother, more than ever, I think about my children and the way they see themselves and the way media paints what they think life looks like and what they can achieve for themselves, it’s so much more for me a goal of creating a space where they believe in themselves, which it sounds really cheesy like believe in yourself, but really it comes down to that.

So, you’re in a space, just going back to where you were in your story because people, we’re not even done yet like Ashleigh’s done this again. So, you’re dancing, you meet your husband, gorgeous, you’re a beautiful couple, you dance completely on TV, and then what? What is happening?

ASHLEIGH [26:11]

Yeah. That obviously launched our career and we were on television and film and appearances on Dancing with the Stars and we had headlined a Broadway show and in London and a world tour. And for me, obviously every piece of that, it was just extra miraculous. But through that, I had tons of injury. So, there was never once in my professional career, even the whole season of So You Think You Can Dance, I was hurt. I dislocated my shoulder in the summary finals.

But that goes to what happened later on and understanding because it was like why do I keep getting injured? I take better care of my body, but that stress response was still running at a subconscious level because it’s not like I was living my life in stress. I was going after my dreams. I was cherishing life. And so, yeah, we were at the height of our career, through that I had to have a first hip surgery, I was out for 8 months, but then doing great. That was just challenging, relearning how to walk, and reintroducing dance again, but it did great. So, that was my right hip. And then, a few years later, in my left hip started.

CAMILLE [27:23]

What?

ASHLEIGH [27:23]

Yes.

CAMILLE [27:24]

I didn’t know all this. You’re blowing my mind right now, okay.

ASHLEIGH [27:27]

When I had my right, I understood somewhere in my future, I’ll probably have to do my left too, just it was a genetic disposition, but then also the years and years. Yeah, but I thought it would be a lot later. So, it wasn’t ideal when it showed up, but I thought, okay, I know that I have to fix this because I tried to not do surgery for a long time. And then, I got to where I was worried I had done permanent irreversible damage because I kept dancing through it. And so, I was like, I’m not going to do that again with my left hip.

And, of course, it had ramifications for children. My right hip surgery, we had to wait at least a year to even get pregnant because they’d had women reinjure their hip giving birth. Obviously, there’s a lot of pressure, so it had to be close to a year before giving birth. So, my left hip started showing up about when my daughter was a year. And so, my husband and I also were like, let’s do this now because we’ve now got to extend this time frame with our family.

So, I thought, it’s going the way my right hip did and I’m even more prepared now. I know what it looks like. And I was at my strongest physical self because I was also a personal trainer and certified in that because that had been my avenue to getting back to dance. So, I was so passionate about getting strong and functional. So, I literally was in the best strongest shape of my life like a machine. And I say that in a way that it was just amazing for me to feel so strong after all that I had gone through. So, I’m like, yeah, I’m going to just bounce back maybe even faster.

CAMILLE [29:14]

And how old are you right now, by the way?

ASHLEIGH [29:16]

Oh my gosh. Now, I’ve been on this journey so long, I’m going through my math. So, I was 33. And I went to the surgery and it didn’t feel the same afterwards, but I didn’t really know until I tried to get off my crutches and tried to put weight on my left hip again and start walking. And then, I knew instantly something was wrong. Not only did it feel completely different, but the pain just skyrocketed and not just in my hip, but then my whole spine and the whole front, and then it was my neck and my jaw and my head and my shoulder, the whole shoulder girdle.

And all of a sudden, it’s like very deja vu because with living in that type of pain and so much was nerve pain, it was so much stress on the body. So then, I started to have health issues too. I’m barely sleeping. And again, nobody knows how to help me. It’s like I’m seeing all these pain specialists and my surgeon and I’m like, what? I was the epitome of health. What has happened to me? It was just like, again what? And they told me, “Your nervous system flipped a switch into pain. You’re a chronic pain patient now.”

I also had horrible bladder pelvic pain. They call it interstitial gastritis, then I started having digestive issue. But this time, it was so much harder because I’m a mom and I was told I’d never have kids. So, my daughter was like a miracle and she’s 2 years old and I can’t even lift here. So, I can’t be alone with her because I can’t put her in a high chair. I can’t potty train her myself. I can’t lift my own daughter or play on the floor with her. And we had a business and I had all these responsibilities now that as a teenager, I didn’t.

And now, this guilt too and this hurt every time I can’t be a mom the way I want to. And now, there’s so much on my husband. And my husband and I lost our professional career together because we were very well-known as Ryan and Ashleigh and he was still getting shows, but our career was over, which again was very stressful. And now, we’re just trying to figure this out.

And so, after years of again just no answers and over 200 types of different injections and therapies and any therapy that existed, I tried. Again with what I’ve gone through, it was like there’s got to be way. I am not going to live in chronic pain for the rest of my life and in being told it’s going downhill from here and they threw a lot of different diagnoses at me. And all of them have no cures and they’re lifelong pain conditions.

And I just got to this place of such desperation because I was getting so much worse. I was barely sleeping, and then met my greatest determination when I thought, I know we’re powerful. And if my nervous system flipped a switch into pain, I’m going to figure out how to flip it back. And that’s when I thought, I’m going to dive into brain science, neuroscience and I literally studied when I couldn’t sleep at night.

I’d get up and I’d study neuroscience from 3 AM in the morning until 8 AM while my daughter was still asleep and connecting all the pieces, not just presently, but when I’d gone through the past and all the experts I had worked with and learned and my own knowledge with what I had intimately experience and thought, I’m going to figure this out and I’m going to rewire pain. And in that, I realized my nervous system had been hardwired. I didn’t realize it and it had been running this stress response. So, I’ve got to fix that too. And with that, I realized I had some deep anxiety, PTSD around my health because twice now I had been healthy, and then really in the fight for my life and health and living and walking.

And that’s what took me to creating Bio Emotional Healing because my life depended on it, and then I realized this is what I need to do with my life and how many other people are out there mentally emotionally or physically who have been told like, “These are your limitations. You’re always going to have to deal with this. It’s going to get worse or manage it.” And I just know not only from my experience, but now these years of working with clients and seeing it, we were created so much more powerful than we really are conditioned to believe. So, that’s what I do now.

CAMILLE [34:10]

I believe it. When you transitioned into that place of student of your mind and what’s happening to me, what was the timeline? How long were in that space? And I know that again, every little step of progress was progress and it was probably very slow-going. One, how did you keep yourself going? And two, what was that timeline for you?

ASHLEIGH [34:25]

Yeah. So, I started learning about pain early on when I was gathering pieces, but it was about three years of true hell on earth. Living in pain is something I just wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy because there’s no escape from it and that’s why literally, you can lose every part of your soul to it. In all truthfulness it’s not something that I’ve talked a lot about, not one time during my illness did I ever want to die, not once. I was determined to live.

I wanted a full life and it really was this night, actually about three years. And I would sleep maybe two, three hours a night, my daughter would bump me and my body would react like a semitruck hit me and now, I’m afraid to even go anywhere with crowds or people. So, I’m just living in this hypervigilance. And one night, just after three years and we’ve spent so much money like we nearly lost our home because all these treatments aren’t in insurance and they’re all so expensive. And we’re doing anything holistic and functional too. And my daughter’s crying because I can’t do stuff with her.

And I remember one night, I’m getting emotional, and I was just like, God, this is not life. What is this purpose? So much hard with seemingly no hope. And I’ve done everything and I just remember that moment thinking and I was not anywhere near suicidal, but it was shocking for me to lose that love for life in that moment because I never lost that, even when I’d had gone through all I had.

And I honestly thought if I could get to that point, what is so many other people who maybe haven’t gone through what I’ve gone through or weren’t born with that same determination, what it’s like to live and obviously I conditioned that, but it was really that night when I knew it wasn’t just for me, but for other people that I had to figure this out. And my life depended upon it, but I also knew in that moment that other people’s did too. And it was both of those together that just drove me.

And it was time and rewiring pain is so hard. It takes the longest because pain is the biggest protective mechanism the brain has. But I just some days had to sit with, we know what will happen if you give up, what will happen if we don’t? And that’s the possibility I want to live in. And so, I just kept going and kept doing. And piece by piece, slowly but surely, I’m here now. We’re powerful.

CAMILLE [38:00]

Wow, I’m a bit at a loss of words because as I’m listening to you and I’m sure this is the experience of other who are listening, I have people come to mind in my mind that I know are living with chronic pain and I am also thinking about what a gift you are to be able to share that and to not only have gone through this once, but twice and to be able to keep that determination and that love. That is so beautiful. I’m just so grateful.

ASHLEIGH [38:36]

Thank you. To that point, not just pain because I’ve worked with so many clients with anxiety and depression and they’re in a mental prison and every day is such a fight and a struggle. And then, you add becoming a mother and kids and that volatility. And then, the shame and the guilt of reacting to your kids or not being able to show up and play and interact the way you want to and again, being told you’re going to manage this the rest of your life.

And the thing that we’re missing in the mental health world and medical health world is, of course, everything gets worse because no matter what the pattern is, the longer we’re in it, the more those neural pathways get solidified, the more the brain gets hypersensitive, hypervigilant. Whether that’s around a physical or mental emotional symptom, it’s really the same.

And that’s why my work, though first started physical, realized it doesn’t matter what it is, it’s happening in the brain and, of course, it gets worse. And so, what’s amazing and I just had a client and there’s so many stories and she’s for 15 years, psychologists, psychiatrists, medication and she had kids and that always make it worse, always, because there’s no normal, but let’s just say you’re a normal healthy functioning adult and you have children, and everything changes.

And suddenly, you have less of a fuse and all these things because we know you’re managing other people’s emotions and their growth. You’re now having to do that each day, which is beautiful, but also challenging. And she gets to that point of I don’t want to fight so hard every single day and again, same as me, not suicidal, but this doesn’t feel like life. There has to be more.

And I know that part of life is struggle, is challenge and I’m grateful for that because that really does give us depth as human beings that we wouldn’t otherwise have, but I also very strongly believe we weren’t created to just struggle, to just survive, and that’s what we do.

And the whole process I go with my clients is 9 weeks and literally by week 7, she had zero symptoms, complete emission of depression and anxiety because that’s what possible with the brain. And she did the work. She put in effort, but we can literally fight our brain or we can work with it to actually heal whatever that is.

And I want people, if anything at all from this interview, to have hope, that no matter what it is they’re struggling with or how long they’ve been struggling with it, there is always hope. And we are so powerful and you have that same capacity that I do. Because I’ve witnessed that too many times to believe that anyone is the exception unless they have true psychosis and their brain isn’t consciously functioning in reality or you have real brain injury, then that’s really the only exception.

CAMILLE [42:03]

I’m so curious because I think all of us, especially after going through these last few years, we’ve been stretched in our mental capacity and the stressors and the state of the world, I’m like who couldn’t benefit from something like this? Understanding and knowing the strength that we each have, but I’m also curious, have you ever worked with teenagers?

Because I’m thinking of also teenagers in my life that I’m like, man, we were actually having a conversation about neural pathways and changing them from negative to positive just this week with my kids. And one of my children was saying, “What’s the point? Our brain is what it is. There’s no fighting that.” And I’m like, “That’s not true.” But, of course, coming from mom, what do I know? And I would love to hear if that’s something that you’ve considered or if you have worked with teenagers at all.

ASHLEIGH [42:54]

Yeah. First, isn’t that crazy? That is such a sentiment that obviously, you haven’t set or really leaned into it, but that’s what our kids are being taught like this fixed idea of whatever you are, you are. However you came, that’s who you are. A thought comes into your mind, it’s got to be true. And your limitations now will always be your limitations. There’s been expansion, but still there’s such a fixed idea of what’s possible for us either that we’re born with or want something happens to us, it’s like that’s got to define now. So, I love even that you’re talking that way.

My poor daughter all the time, she’s like, “Mom, I know. I know you talked to me about the brain again.” And I’m like, “Child, you do not know how priceless information this is.” And she does, she loves it. But I’m her mom as well.

Yes, to that point, I have worked with the teenagers. The youngest I have is 15. The reason being is what I do with my clients requires a lot of active participation because you can’t change neural pathways from the outside in. It has to be from the inside out. You are the only one who lives in your mind and body. And so, it requires your active conscious consistent participation and it changes through that 9-week time frame, but I’ve worked with select teenagers based upon if they’re willing to do that.

Because otherwise, it’s not going to work. Not that there won’t be some benefits, but it’s even with adults. You have to be at that place where you’re like, no, I want to feel different more than I want to keep staying stuck. Because the brain is also conditioned to repeat whatever’s familiar. And as crazy as this sounds, whatever’s familiar to the brain, it sees as safe.

So, if your familiar experience is anxiety or limiting beliefs or self-doubt or worthlessness or depression or even pain or illness, your brain adapts over time and it’s like that’s our safe place. So, none of that feels safe. It feels like punishment to us, but to your brain, it’s protection and that’s why it takes that conscious will to say really take that control from your brain because your brain will resist it, especially at first.

And from that protection, your brain, my brain, everyone’s brain and believe me, I’ve had these conversations in my own mind many times saying that’s not possible. That’s not possible because also there’s a lot of vulnerability in thinking, no, I can feel different. I can be different. I can heal. You’re opening yourself up to be hurt rather than adapting to that fixed idea this is it.

So, you have to be like, no, I first won’t accept this and I believe strong enough it’s possible that I’m going to take that leap and do this work because you will do it before you’ll see evidence of it. And my clients do start to see progress early on, which is really all we’re asking for sometimes.

It’s just like give me a sign of progress. I’ve been stuck for so long with no sign of progress, but that’s really to the point where teenagers, it becomes very specific to that individual because with my limited time and it’s with adults as well, they have to be ready because I want them to truly heal and transform their life and they’re going to be the ones to do it. And if they’re not ready for that, then I’m not the right person.

CAMILLE [46:57]

Yeah, that makes all the sense in the world because if you’ve already made up in your mind that it is not going to work, then you’ve already made up your mind. That is the whole point is that that power of your mind. So, I’m curious. So, say that I was to sign up today or someone was to sign up today, what kind of hourly weekly commitment does it look and what do you use? And this is just to give people an idea. Are you using mantras or mediation? How does the process work?

ASHLEIGH [47:32]

Yeah. So, before you can even sign up, you have to schedule a free consult call and it’s with me. It’s free. It’s for me to better understand you and for you to better understand my work. It’s twofold. For you and also for me to know if you’re at a place where I can help you, and then we talk about that if that’s the case. Because I’ve had people come on and they’re just not ready or willing. And again, I don’t want to waste anybody’s time.

So, once we decided we move forward, it’s a 9-week process because that’s the biggest thing I realized. I did everything. Even with the brain, I did a lot of brain work and biofeedback and EMDR and I learned from all those experiences, but it didn’t change fundamentally what was going on. And I found out with my clients too and for some people, hey, it might be enough.

So, I’m never saying I have anything negative to say, but in my experience, it hasn’t been enough to truly change. It gives you some amazing awareness on how your experiences have impacted you, but now you’re aware and you’re like, but I still change it. So. it’s almost worse in a way because now you’re like, wait.

So, there’s different purposes to it. So, I have an online membership portal that has the process, but it’s taken one week at a time because when we’re talking about changing the brain, the brain is the only self-regulating organ. So, it doesn’t need your consent to do whatever it feels it needs it should do. And so, you have to work with it and that requires a step-by-step laying the foundation to get your brain onboard with what you’re doing before it will even let go of any stress response. Only then can you actually rewire it.

So, we talk a lot about rewiring the brain, but the brain’s not going to rewire anything it first hasn’t felt safe enough to let go of. So, that’s really fundamental to the process. And so, you’re only taking it one week at a time. Each week is very specific to what we’re trying to accomplish within the brain and nervous system and body.

And so, I have recordings that my clients listen to from me and very specific step-by-step instructions of what they’re doing that week each day. And then, we have weekly coaching calls on Zoom with me to, of course, further expand upon it. We do specific things on the call and, of course, I answer questions that they have because that contact is very needed, which is why the amount of clients that I can take on has its limits, but that’s really the only way to achieve the transformation I’m talking about. It can’t best be online. It requires this feedback and communication and it changes.

So, a lot of brain programs that I’ve seen, it’s like you do the same thing for 10 weeks, 12 weeks, 15 weeks, and it’s not progressing. So, I utilize tons of different tools and techniques, but they’re done in a very specific order with a very specific purpose because again, the brain has to understand why you’re doing it, the meaning behind it, the intention, but it also has to be ready to receive it because if your system’s already in stress, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally or usually a combination, you have to work with it or it will easy be triggered to amplify the very things you’re there to try fix.

And so, that’s where I was my own guinea pig. And there was lots of tweaking along the way and even with some of my first few clients, which they knew, because it was getting that feedback and beauty in that is I’ve seen it work regardless of who the person is, which is I didn’t know that first when I launched my business.

I literally looked at my husband, I’m like, “Okay, this worked for me. And I really do know I’ve got something amazing here that I just know it’s been 25 years in the making, but it worked because of me and who I am and what I believe.”

So, I had to take that leap of faith as any business person does. Putting your product out there, your name, whatever it is, there is that leap of faith we all have and I definitely had to, even though I had witnessed its impact first. But then, that’s the beauty of the brain and this process, I’ve seen it work regardless which again, I tell all my clients, I know you think it’s worked for me, but record shows it does and it will, but it does take them.

It doesn’t work without them. but that’s the beautiful thing is they do it. I show them the process. I’m here every step of the way, but they change their life and that’s so empowering because it’s not that they need me, they need to keep coming back every week to stay afloat the rest of their life, I teach them everything I know and they change those neural connections, that software that’s running them, so changes don’t stop.

They just keep getting stronger and stronger and they have all that tool and power within them that now, they have the rest of their life, which was my whole purpose because we’ve all felt powerless and helpless and seeking all the answers outside of us. And I’m not saying you still don’t need that, I’ve obviously treated my physical body through the journey, but in order to fully heal or change everything, we have to change the brain.

CAMILLE [53:31]

That’s amazing. What would you say the most rewarding, if you have a story or a feeling or a moment that you’ve been like, “This is what I’m meant to do?” Can you think of a time that you had something like that?

ASHLEIGH [53:47]

Oh my gosh. I’ve got so many coming to my mind. Which one do I choose?

CAMILLE [53:55]

And what a gift to be doing something like that that you’re like, “Yes, I’m changing so many people’s lives.” That is so cool that there’s so many that come to mind.

ASHLEIGH [54:03]

That’s so cool. I am a part, and then they change it, which is what I celebrate. I would say one was recent that comes to my mind because she’s also a mom, which is why I wanted to share this one. And she had such a severe anxiety, got to a place she wasn’t sleeping, she was on some heavy medication to even sleep, and then that’s impacting her during the day. And again, she’s not able to function like she wants for her children and as a mother and we all know as moms, we have mom guilt, but when you really can’t show up the way you are, it just goes to a whole new level. And then, you start feeling so guilty for how this is impacting them and so forth.

And she was just in a dark place because also too when you don’t sleep, we all know. And I really know why they use that as torture because I’ve been there where I’m like, my brain, it’s not working and we’re all better people when we sleep. She just felt so desperate, psychiatrists, heavy medication, but she couldn’t sleep and the anxiety would really take hold at night too or interrupt all her sleep, just awful in so many ways. And then, of course, her health was being impacted, her relationship with her husband and her kids.

And so, she found me and had all the doubts in the world too and all my clients do mostly, there’s doubts there. That’s human. But their belief has to be a little stronger or hope or them even wanting to believe and there was ups and downs. It was a challenge and I remember I think it was at 7 weeks or 8 weeks, she was completely off all medication and sleeping through the night. And I remember when she sent me a message, I sat in my kitchen honestly and was crying tears of joy because this is a woman whose life has been given back and a mother and a wife and the ramifications of what that means for her kids and her family.

And she just also showed her kids that you can crawl from the darkest place and no matter how long you’ve been there, it is possible to heal. So, the ramifications of what it means for everyone in her home and in her life and those are the moments where I’m grateful. I would never like to relive what I’ve gone through, God do you hear that? We’re good. But those are really the moments where I’m so grateful for the experiences I went through and led me and I had to choose obviously, but I got to a place where I felt like I had no choice.

But it led me to this work because the world needs more people than ever. To your point of the stresses that have amplified the past few years, the world needs more than ever, more people to be living free of their challenges that are really holding them stuck and just that light and that hope. We need more of that because we have so much of the other.

And so, I just get so excited for them going and living their purpose and doing what they can do that I can’t do and we need more of that out there. So, that’s one of the most recent and my daughter’s like, “Mom, are you okay?” I’m like, “Yes, I’m just so happy.” I’m pretty sure it was ugly tears, but as much as I love the brain and I know by now how powerful it is, I still never get over the awe of what each of us are capable of.

CAMILLE [58:15]

Wow, that’s so beautiful. I’ve had the chills. I’ve just been so inspired. I’m sure everyone who’s listening is feeling the same way. Please tell us where they can connect with you online.

ASHLEIGH [58:27]

Yeah, absolutely. So, one of the best places is my website www.ashleighdilello.com. There’s nothing about my name that is easy, so I’m sure you’ll have it in the show notes.

CAMILLE [58:37]

I will.

ASHLEIGH [58:38]

Spelled wrong or not normal per se. On there, I have a free training on brain, which is a great place because the more you understand the brain works, the more empowered you are to even understand what’s happening. So, that’s a great free resource there. And I have a free mind body blueprint that just breaks down a 3-step process you can start now. Because I know when it comes to talking about the brain and changing it, it’s like, what? Where do I even start?

So, those are two great free resources. And then, if you feel like I want to change, I’m ready now and I’m ready, you can apply for just a free consult, completely free. Just again to talk about where you are and if it’s a good fit for us both, so they can do that there.

I have a podcast, Body Freedom Radio that has been on the shelf a little bit lately because I’m one person, we all have that feeling sometimes. And I do always prioritize my clients and my family, but Body Freedom Radio is a great place. I have many recordings on the brain, also educating you more on that. And then, my name Ashleigh Di Lello on social media.

I just had this feeling, Camille, and obviously as a mom and going through so many challenges, literally going through pain was one of the hardest aspects of it because I was a mom now and my life is impacting my child and my husband, but as a mother, that was one of the greatest things. And so, any of your listeners who do feel like I’m ready, I do want to offer them to go through my process for 50% off. I just really do.

I’ve just lately at certain times or events, I just go with what my gut and I know there’s so many moms struggling and trying to be a mother on top of that is just so challenging in a whole new way and, like I said, I joy in all of my clients. It all matters, but if you feel like, I really need to this, I just want to offer that. And there’s a place for that consult call where you can say you’ve heard it from this podcast and then, of course, I will honor that.

CAMILLE [1:01:03]

Wow, that’s so generous. Thank you. I hope if you are feeling that call to take advantage of that offer, I cannot wait to see the work that you continue to do throughout your life. You’ve already inspired so many and certainly us here today, so thank you so much for being a guest.

ASHLEIGH [1:01:20]

Thank you so much for having me. You are a light and a joy and another just bright light in this world, so I’m honored to be here.

CAMILLE [1:01:30]

Thank you.

[MUSIC]

CAMILLE [1:01:30]

Hey, if you’re listening to this right now and you’re thinking, “I am in a phase of my life where I do want something a little extra to make some money,” I am now opening up my virtual assistant course, which is 60 Days to VA where you can watch the courses at your own pace to have a business that you love at your own schedule where you can still be at home with your kids, make money on the side, and it is in demand more than ever. I’m getting messages every single day from CEOs who are looking for reliable knowledgeable incredible virtual assistants and everyone that has gone through my program has loved it and turns out to be all of those things.

Now on the flip side, if you are a busy CEO or you have a business that is overwhelming you enough that you need help, reach out to me and I can individually talk to you and match you up with one of my virtual assistants and coach you through how to use a virtual assistant effectively. If either of those are something that you’re interested in, please DM me @callmeceopodcast on Instagram or email callmeceopodcast@gmail.com. Let’s help each other create a life that we love.

Thank you so much for tuning into this week’s episode. Please subscribe. Leave a rating and review and I would love to hear from you on social media @callmeceopodcast on Instagram or you can find me @camillewalker.co on Instagram as well. If you are someone who thinks you might be a good fit for our show, a mom who has started and is running a business and balancing your life in the mayhem, please reach out to me at callmeceopodcast@gmail.com. There’s also a form where you can submit a proposal to be on the show as well. That’s at www.camillewalker.co. Have a wonderful week.

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