HOW TO BECOME A MOMPRENEUR WHEN YOUR SPOUSE DOESN’T SUPPORT YOUR BUSINESS | BETH MILLER

BETH MILLER [0:00]

When you're in your authentic self, you won't act with those triggered emotions. You will just hear them and be able to say I understand and sometimes it's as simple as that. I understand why you're concerned and you can stop.

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CAMILLE WALKER [0:17]

So, you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business sharing your voice? How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO.

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CAMILLE [0:38]

What to do when you are feeling overwhelmed, perhaps unsupported by your spouse and you're looking for a little help to get you through that hump of that stress of what to do with moving forward and how you can manage that yourself? Well, today, we have an expert to help us walk through that process.

Her name is Beth Miller. She is a teacher of psychology and sociology and has been for 12 years. She is also a wife and mother to three amazing energetic little men and she is a consulting hypnotist and Reiki energy practitioner. Now, Beth has been coaching many women on how to transform their lives through unblocking ingrained beliefs and releasing unwanted emotions, so that they can unleash their best self into motherhood, their relationships, career, wellbeing, and their dreams.

Her method is deeply rooted in psychology and neural science. And she was able to really come into this experience through going through a stroke and having really crippling anxiety and depression and knowing that she wanted to get back into the game, but was going through fighting in her own home and with her family and was really searching for that balance and that deep-rooted belief that she needed that she could move forward and create something that made her feel more alive. And that's where she developed a program that helps women come to a place where they feel comfortable in their beliefs, that they overcome limiting beliefs, and that they are no longer feeling stuck or frustrated with day-to-day life.

We are going to dive in today with tactics and tools not only for how to speak to yourself and how to feel better compassion for yourself and your journey, but also how to speak to your spouse and your children in a loving way that will create space for growth and ultimately growing a business sand a life that you love. Let's dive in.

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CAMILLE [2:38]

Welcome back everyone to another episode of Call Me CEO. And today, it is all about putting tools in your belt and we have the best technician for what to do if you are feeling unsupported or perhaps overwhelmed with the task of convincing your partner or your spouse that what you're doing is worth it and that you can still create a healthy balance in your family and create a space where you can have balance and support and reach for those dreams. It's a big one. This is a big one.

And Beth Miller is here from Soulify Wellness and this is her expertise. She is a mother of three boys and has spent 12+ years working on psychology and sociology teaching others how to create a healthy balance and space, but truly how to transform relationships by transforming yourself. So, Beth, thank you so much for being here. I am so excited to dive into this topic today.

BETH [3:36]

Thank you for having me.

CAMILLE [3:38]

As we dive into this, I want to hear about you. And you have a really unique experience of how your life really got turned upside down and you found your way into creating this space and helping so many others. Can you tell us about how you got started and how you developed your business?

BETH [3:55]

Absolutely. So, it really started out of nowhere. I had no idea this is how my life is going to change, but a while ago what started was I started losing my ability to walk. It was right after New Year's, so I was on the elliptical doing my thing, trying to get my New Year's body resolution happening. And I just had some weakness on my right side. And I thought, "Oh, I just need to go to a physio."

And it just totally got worse and worse. So, over a course of about five days, I should have been listening to my inner gut saying, "You should probably go get this checked out." But what happened was I ended up going to the ER. And they did a CAT scan and I had a brain bleed. It was completely out of nowhere. I'm a healthy mom, active. I run marathons. And out of nowhere, all of a sudden, I found out my brain was bleeding. It was very much an ER Gray's Anatomy kind of moment.

CAMILLE [4:42]

Yeah. What was your first reaction to that when you were going through this experience? What a shock really. I think especially at your age, I don't know what year that happened, but you look very young to me and very healthy. Obviously, you have marathons, my goodness. At what point did it get to where you're like, "Okay. This is serious stuff." What was that moment like?

BETH [5:03]

Yeah. It was very much I was in disbelief. I actually had to ask the ER doctor, "Can we see that again? I don't understand." I think I actually said, "I don't understand" and then the next words were, "Am I going to live?" Then the next one was, "Should I call my family?" And after that, it was just a bit of a whirlwind. I was in the hospital for about a month. Anytime there's blood in the brain, it's called a stroke. So, I ended up losing my ability to walk and write on my right side. So, I spent a month in the hospital learning how to rehab.

But within all that physical rehab, I was experiencing a lot mentally and emotionally. My world had been turned upside down. I didn't know what my life was going to be like. I was a mom with three boys. I had a full-time job and here I am not knowing what life will look for me. So, I was battling a lot of really scary thoughts. And even after I got out of the hospital, I was still battling them and I ended up getting diagnosed with anxiety and depression because of it.

And it was tormenting me day in and day out. I just constantly had to talk back to my thoughts being like, "You're safe. You're okay." And at one point, I was having a meeting with my psychologist who is amazing, but she's like, "You've just got to keep talking back to the thoughts." And I said to her, "There's got to be more. There's got to be a way to get rid of these."

And so, I went on a journey to try and figure this out. How can I get rid of the fear that's in my mind? And I stumbled across a few different modalities. And I've combined them together to create what Soulify Wellness offers and the secret sauce is hypno-journey. So, it's a way to access those subconscious thoughts and get to the roots of all these emotions. So, it was patterns of thoughts that we can't seem to escape and that's how this journey all started.

CAMILLE [6:31]

That's so powerful. I feel like more than ever many of us are experiencing anxiety and depression in a way we never had before. I know I did. It was recently a couple of years ago, actually during the pandemic, that my son had a really extreme accident involving his face and almost breaking his nose and his whole face swelled up. The pressure on my chest and it's like you can't get a deep enough breath. I had never in my life experienced such strong anxiety.

And ever since then, I feel like it's easier to recognize that. Once you've experienced it, it's like, "Oh, yeah. I'm your friend. I'm not going anywhere." However, I do believe in hypnotherapy because that's how I prepared for going natural without using medication for my delivery. So, I have a huge belief in the power of the mind and I also know that it takes dedicated effort.

And so, when you created this program with going through something like this yourself and having been through such an extreme scenario of thinking you might be dying, when it happened to you yourself because you've studied psychology, were you like, "Okay, Beth. Pull it together. Why can't I figure this out? We're okay. I'm safe" or was it more like, "Oh, now I'm experiencing this and I have to treat myself. I need more tools?" Where was your brain space in that? I'm sure you went through different emotions, but tell me a little bit about that.

BETH [8:03]

Yes. So, we have two types of minds. So, we actually work as one, but we have the conscious mind. So, that's the mind we work from most of the time. That's our thinking, planning, organizing brain is the conscious mind. And so, we spend most of our day in that brain. But when we're sleeping, we're in our subconscious. So, subconscious is where we store all our emotions, our thoughts, our beliefs, our memories from the past, but we often forget about that subconscious.

And that's where we store when we don’t feel like we want to deal with something, we shove it down. It's still there. It doesn't go away. It's in our subconscious. So, for the longest time during those acute phases, I was rehabbing, I was very much in my conscious mind talking back to my anxiety, talking back to those fears and trying to rationalize it and just being like, "You can go away now. I don't need you" and trying mantras very much in the moment trying to just talk.

But I finally got to a point where I'm like, "There's got to be more." And that's when I was with the psychologist, I'm like, "There's got to be a root to this. There's got to be a way. I just imagine there's got to be a way to dig it out." So yeah, that's when I started to explore more the subconscious option and stumbled across Reiki therapy and hypnosis. So, I'm trained as a consulting hypnotist and a Reiki energy practitioner. And those two really helped me dig into my mind and just really feel what I'm feeling.

CAMILLE [9:14]

Okay. This is powerful stuff and for those who are listening and have interest in that field, which I have, what is involved in that training? How many hours of practice do you have to put in to be certified? What does that training look like?

BETH [9:25]

Yeah. What happens is there's different programs to it, but it's approximately 50 hours of training. And then, you do some practical as well like working with people and getting tested on that. So, that would be the hypnotist training. And then, Reiki practitioner, there's multiple levels. So, you can become a Level 1, 2, 3 or a Master Reiki practitioner. And then, you'll do that over years. If you're interested in the energy piece, you can just get a Reiki part 1. And it's fantastic just to use on yourself or use on your kids at home. It doesn’t mean you actually have to go out and practice it. It's a great tool for your toolbelt.

CAMILLE [9:58]

Why not? Yeah. I love that this is becoming more mainstream and more conversation are happening around this area. Because as a mom, if you can tuck those in your toolbelt of, "Okay. We're feeling overwhelmed. Let's focus on being present and learning how to breathe and talking about identifying emotions and being able to express those emotions," those are tactical tools that are transformative for kids. And I've seen that and had to learn that a lot in the past couple of years.

So, that is really helpful and I hope for those who are listening. We will talk after this and I will provide some links, so that if you are interested in creating just those first stepping blocks of how to step into this, you can look into that and we'll talk more about resources available as we go on.

So, diving now to the section of having a spouse or a partner who isn't supportive of starting your new business. This is something I think ebbs and flows for all of us, whether it's having started a career and pausing for your kids or taking a different beat or taking a new direction and starting a new business. I feel like as women and as mothers, that can get a lot of pushback more than it can for our male counterparts. And so, yes, I want to talk about this.

Let's start from the basics. What would you say to someone who says, "I have a partner who is not supporting me. I don't know if I can keep doing this?" Because if you don’t have the support of a partner, it can be really hard. It can be really hard to want to keep going. It can be really hard to want to keep building. And I think at different phases in your life, that partner can be supportive and then not. It just ebbs and flows. So, what is square one? What would you say?

BETH [11:46]

So, square one is to go to that conflict, that tension. So, go right to that conversation that you're having. So, that conversation could be, "You're always on your phone" or "Why would you leave your corporate job? You make great money. It's stable. You have your pension. We have all our healthcare benefits." It could be like, "You have another meeting. How many clients did you book this week or how many did you sign on?" Little conversations like that that can create tension and conflict within your relationship.

So, we need to go to that actual conversation. And then, the first step with that conversation is to figure out what emotion is coming out of it and what emotion are you feeling, not necessarily them because we can only change ourselves. We can't change them. And so, when you feel that emotion, figure out what it is. If it's you're always on your phone and that's such a hard piece because as a female moving into an online coaching business or online business, you're on your phone. You're on your computer. Your working hours aren't necessarily 9 to 5, so you may feel some guilt around that. That might be the emotion that comes up.

And then, you make it defensive. "Of course, I'm on my phone. I need to be on my phone because that's how I contact my clients. And maybe I'm also doing my online grocery order and paying bills, so it looks like I'm on my phone all the time. I’m doing so much on my phone." And if you're coming from a place like that, then that's a defensive piece. We'll dig into that versus if you were to say this to your partner, "You're right. I am on my phone a lot. I wish I wasn't on it so much." Calm voice, almost understanding their concern.

So, that one's okay. But if we get into the other one, we get defensive. That's the emotion we need to dig into it because it's a trigger. You're being triggered. You have an unwanted emotion coming up and any time there's a trigger we need to see it as a gift instead of being like, "I'm triggered. I'm mad. I'm angry" and shoving it down. You actually you need to be, "Yes!" and celebrating. I'm triggered because that is a massive clue into the foundation of why you're having that conflict, that tension within your relationship.

CAMILLE [13:36]

Okay. So, we're feeling that tension and, my goodness, what don't we do on our phones? So, if you're doing anything in addition to building a business, which I don't know if there's a business you can build right now without a lot of that time being on the phone, especially as an entrepreneur. Unfortunately, that's part of the gig. So, we've identified that we're upset. And now what? What do we do next with that if we recognize that that's happening?

BETH [14:04]

Yeah. So, we celebrate. Yes. I'm mad. I'm angry. Feel the emotion. You recognize that you're triggered. You understand that this is a gift and you get excited because you don't want to feel this anymore. So, you're going to start to dig into it. So, when we want to dig into it, we want to get to the root of it. So, to get to the root of it, there's a couple options.

And one of them is to look at your inner child. So, inner child, this is a great strategy for figuring out how to release it. The inner child is that part of you from childhood that was playful, excited, happy, carefree, anything can happen, anything is possible for me or it could be the parts of you that are almost like a wounded, sadder parts of you that weren't seen, weren't heard.

Those can come from little traumas in our life. It could just be bullying or seeing someone be bullied. It could be from not getting the love that you needed from your parents. Maybe your parents didn't say, "I love you." So, there's little things in your life that can happen. If you're a middle child and you just felt like you weren't getting the attention maybe. There are all these little things that in some people it may not be a big deal, but others they really internalize that because they weren't having their needs met.

So, when we look at the guilt, let's go back to that phone example. We've been using that. So, we feel that guilt. We need to figure out where that came from. And so, yeah, we can just consciously think about it, but what helps is if you can get quiet in a meditative state or you can do some deep journaling in a very calm state or I have the hypno-journeys where you listen to a recorded prompts that I give you to dig out why you feel that way.

And it could come from feeling guilt, maybe you were a people pleaser as a child. You got positive attention because you did what others wanted you to do. And so, now that you're not following the norm by working 9 to 5, now you're on your phone when you feel like you should be with your kids, you feel like you're not that people pleaser anymore. And so, you might have a bit of a conflict internally, which is causing that feeling to come up. So, we need to go in and figure out what the root cause of it is and that's the next step.

CAMILLE [15:52]

Okay. So, let's talk about that a little bit. Let's say and I think this is so relatable, I imagine that a lot of us are listening right now nodding our heads like, "I've been there. I get that. I feel that." Let's say that also something that's very relatable that is as women and as caretakers and as someone who is identified most often as taking care of everyone's needs, people pleasing is a very common thing as a mom that you're trying to keep everyone happy. Let's say you're a people pleaser. Let's say that you want to keep the equilibrium happy and giving the best pieces of you, what then? Let's say that is what that is. Then what?

BETH [16:36]

Then what you do is you have to go inwards. So, we actually need to go back to that time where you can do this journaling or you can do this in a meditative state, but what you need to do is go back to that younger self. Here's an example. Let's say you have a sister. You two are sitting on the couch and you remember back, this happened multiple times, that your parents would not want you guys to fight on the couch. You're picking your TV show.

Back then, we didn’t have cable. You had to watch one or another show and you had to fight about it. And so, then what you're doing is you're just people pleasing. You're like, "Okay. My younger sister can watch whatever show she wants, so we don't fight and my parents don't get mad." So, that's a people pleasing behavior.

So, you can go back to that and what you can do is you talk to your child's self. It sounds silly, but we have to do what's called reparenting. You almost look at that situation from an adult perspective and you can talk to yourself being like, "Camille, it's okay. You know what? Your parents just don't like when there's arguing or yelling. It doesn't mean that people don't like you. You have a right to express your opinion regardless of what their expectations are. You don't have to just give in to your sister."

You almost talk to yourself, so that you believe that, "You know what? I do have a voice. I can be heard." And it helps build your confidence in that moment." And by doing that, you can get a release and you feel this lightness to yourself being like, "You know what? That's right." What happens is a lot of times those inner child mini traumas, they resurface. They come back up in our relationships most often in a magnified way. But we don't always recognize them as something that you actually didn't own about ourselves or at least that wasn't heard or seen or we weren't loved for that as a child.

CAMILLE [18:12]

That's really interesting. Now, one thing that comes up as a question for me hearing that is what if you have a horrible memory and you maybe don't know how to identify those moments? I've heard that when people are in a hypnotic state or if they're going through this type of therapy, inner child work, that your therapist will help you to uncover them because sometimes it's just tucked so far back. What would you suggest for someone who's listening to this, who's thinking, "I have an awful memory. How do I identify those moments that meant something to me?"

BETH [14:84]

That's a fantastic question. So, I have two answers to that. The first one is you never relive your past. You often get to look at it from the most empowered state. You almost can look down at yourself and give yourself what you need. So, that's reassuring because people are scared to do this work and they're scared to speak because they don't want to relive that emotion. It's just easier to stick it down.

Back to that conscious and subconscious mind, the conscious mind is there to protect us. They are there to make sure we don't feel pain, that we feel pleasure. They are there to tell us just to get rid of that feeling. This is silly. It's like some people are like, "Oh, I could so use a drink." Wine o'clock as a mom, we're like, "Let's have a glass of wine to deal with the stress of being with the kids all day." That's our conscious mind being like, "I don't want to feel this stress anymore. I think I'll just have this drink to numb that or push that feeling down."

So, back to this, what you can do is you can also do this work. If it's a really deep trauma abuse, I would also do this work along with a licensed therapist like a psychologist that can help you dig further into those and process some of those traumas from childhood. So, together it works really well to do a little bit of talk therapy with a psychologist, then to also do the inner child hypnotic work.

CAMILLE [19:58]

Okay. So, what I'm hearing is that you're suggesting if someone's listening and they're feeling that there's something they need to identify, but they're not quite getting there and you are telling me that there is work that can be done. But if they are struggling with that process, it's best to get a professional involved. And what could you tell me about creating space to reduce the fights right now? Let's say that someone's like, "Yes. Okay. I could get a professional, but how do I get my spouse's support or create space for understanding right now?" Are there tools that you could give us today for that?

BETH [20:36]

Absolutely. So, what you need to do is go back to that whatever the conversation is, so you have the conversation happen. You realize your emotion's coming up. You can control you. You can never control them. We always go in with the, "We'd love them to change." We want to convince them that what we're doing is right, but we need to step back and we just need to hear them out and you want to hear them out from your authentic self.

Your authentic self is this incredible piece of you and we may not be in touch with it every day. A lot of times as moms we are so busy that we almost lose our identity because we're so busy helping others and doing things that need to be done, not necessarily doing things that feel authentically like us. So, to get in touch with your authentic self, what you want to do is a couple of things.

You can go back to a time and it might have just been a moment. Let's say you were an athlete or a singer or dancer where you're on the stage and you were really glowing. Nothing could knock you down. You're just in flow. You're in your element. You almost want to channel that. You just want to embody that feeling, that energy that you had when you just felt on top of the world. So, you can just even sit there, even right now you can just sit there and see if you can feel that energy flow through your body where you're just at peace.

Over time, you can be that person more often with practice. You just have to remember to do it. Because often when we get into disagreements, you forget and you just get into a fight mode. But if you can just take a breath and embody that you, just hear them, just listen to them and you almost lovingly see that they have their own what we call shadows.

So, they have their own shadow emotions. Like us, they have their own fear. Maybe a fear of, "You're not going to make enough money," fear that, "You know what? It's going to take up a lot of time. What does that mean about that for me as a spouse? Does it mean I'm not going to get as much time? Does it mean that I have to do more work around the house with the kids?" They have their own beliefs that they are scared of when it comes to this transition into you starting your own business.

So, we just have to lovingly respect that and meet them where they are. So, when you can do that and just hear what they have to say and when you're in your authentic self, you won't act with those triggered emotions. You'll just hear them and be able to say, "I understand." And sometimes, it's as simple as that. I understand why you're concerned and you can stop. That's all that you have to say. And then, you can hear them say their next piece and sometimes you just need to talk and you don't need to defend yourself, just hear them out.

CAMILLE [22:52]

I love that. I love that you are saying a lot of times it's about being heard and simply stating, "I understand" or "I can see how you would feel that way" or "That would be really difficult." Let's work on this together. Something like that where you're coming with an open heart and that can be hard, especially I think it's very natural to want to put a, "But don't you know this is what I do and don’t you know I have all these things I'm getting done?" or like you said, "I'm grocery shopping" or "I'm doing this or that."

What would you suggest for a couple? If someone is taking on a new business or a new position or changing their lifestyle in some way, do you think it is a good idea for couples to sit down and put together a task list like, "This is mine and this is yours?" or do you think that's not a good idea?

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CAMILLE [23:48]

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BETH [24:19]

100%. That's a fantastic idea. If you can get your partner on board to deviating tasks because when we start your own business, it's like a season. Things are really hectic for a while and you're not making a lot of money. You're working really hard. And sometimes, you have so much self-doubt in that stage because you're like, "Is this ever going to happen? Is this a pipe dream? Am I crazy to think this and why am I working so hard? The reason I'm working this hard is because I want more freedom. I want more time with my kids and I'm not getting that."

So, you have all this self-doubt. And then, if your partner is maybe not supporting you and it's a lot to carry around. So, if you can get your partner on board and figure out, yes. They're going to take on a few more tasks where now they're going to watch the kids, put them to bed, so you can have some of those 7, 8 o'clock meetings, then yeah that's an awesome way to go at this together.

CAMILLE [25:04]

I love that. I know that for me personally with my husband, there have been seasons of time where it's been really helpful for him to help me draw attention to perhaps deadlines I put on myself that don't need to exist. But in my mind, I'm like, "No. This is how long it's going to take and I want to get it done by X." And a lot of items, he'll say, "But why is it that deadline? Why did you create that deadline?"

And I think sometimes it can be really helpful to look at that moment as they're trying to help you and they're trying to help a beat or take a pause or pace yourself. And I think it's also important to let your partner know, "This is a season where things are getting crazy and I recognize that. I don't want it to be at this pace forever. But I do know these next two months for whatever reason, it's brand new or even the first year, I do know that this is going to be asking a lot of you and I'm asking you to be there and to know that it's going to be crazy. But I don’t want it to be like this forever."

Just to give them an idea of what to expect or where your mindset is because I know that that has helped us for my husband and myself. Because then it gives them an idea of, "Okay. Where do I fit in this and is this the pace that's going to be forever?" Because I think that transition of sacrificing your capacity as a parent and as a mother and as a spouse, it can be hard. And that I think discussions, like you said, coming from your authentic self is the only place that that can really move forward with progress because otherwise, it can feel like you're spinning your wheels.

BETH [26:52]

For sure and when you're spinning your wheels, those emotions that are coming up, you might be projecting your own worries onto others around you too. Because your partner just says, "Did you book any clients or did you get any clients this week?" you might take that as you already have this worry within you, so project that out being like he thinks I'm not doing enough, that I'm not good enough. And you all of a sudden have these feelings because of one little comment that's not actually true. So, you have to actually be aware of our emotions, just because we might be throwing them out there even though they're not necessarily what someone else or our partner thinks.

And the other piece of that too is when our husbands or partners, maybe when we sense that they have frustration, they have worry, they have concerns, they are mirrors for us. So, our partners and people in our lives are these great teachers. People come into our lives to teach us something and often sometimes they leave. But with our partners, they are the greatest mirror we can possibly have because these things from our childhood, our past, those insecurities, that feeling of undeservingness, they come up. And our partner will show those to us with their concerns because all of a sudden, their concerns might make you feel nervous and you have to dig into that feeling of nervousness. They're these great teachers. So, you can look at them that way.

Every conversation that has some conflict or tension, that's why we celebrate these triggers because they are showing us. If it wasn't for those conversations, you wouldn't necessarily know that you have these things within you, these beliefs, these patterns that are holding you back. And when you can unleash those and let them go, you can step into so much more.

All of a sudden, more money will flow in. More plans will flow in. Your relationship will be better with your partner and that's what I found. Back after I had the brain bleed, I started this journey just to help with my anxiety and depression. But what happened was my whole life transformed as I released that fear, I started to release other emotions. My marriage transformed and my career, everything. It's spectacular when you can release not feeling enough about your business being like, "Am I good enough? Do people actually want to buy my product?" You then all of a sudden show up and you're enough in your relationship. You realize that you have a lot to offer. You're worthy of love. You're worthy of respect and it's incredible how your whole life changes over one belief that you can get rid of.

CAMILLE [29:00]

I love that. Can you tell me about a time where you felt like you were at a breaking point maybe within your recovery or transitioning into this new place where you had an "Aha!" moment where it transitioned for you, where you went from feeling overwhelmed and down on your luck to then feeling that hope? Can you tell me about a transition, a time in your life where that happened?

BETH [29:29]

I remember the moment where I knew something had to change. It was that moment with that psychologist. It's crystal clear in my mind when I said to her, "There's got to be something more." So, I remember that breaking point, which started me on this journey. In terms of my whole life shifting, it's strange that you say that because I think it was about, I don't know, four months after that point where I realized my husband and I weren't actually arguing anymore. We weren't having the same kind of battles.

So, what happens was when you shift these beliefs, when you release these feelings of not being enough, when you can go in and parent your inner child or just go back in time and give yourself what you need, it's called reprogramming, when you can go back and do that, you just feel this lightness, but you don't actually notice the effects in your life right away. It’s not like, "Aha! That's gone. So, now I'm not going to have any more arguments."

It's slowly all of a sudden, you'll just be like, "Oh, it's not there anymore. I don’t have that dread, that fear that I'm going to fail as a business owner." All of a sudden, those feelings just go. So, that part's really how that happened. So, I can't pinpoint an exact moment when I noticed the shift, but I remember looking back and being like, "Oh, all of a sudden, things are so much better between us. We're connecting more. I feel more supported by him and we're laughing again." It's not the same constantly talking about, "We need to pay this bill. The kids need to be here. They need to be there." Yeah. It just happened. I just noticed all of a sudden.

CAMILLE [30:48]

Any advice for perhaps you're in a space where you're doing work, you're very in tune with yourself and your needs and you're starting to connect more with your authentic self, but you notice that your spouse is not on that same playing field and is still coming from maybe an ego state of mind? Because I have seen in my field of work many women who in many instances exceed their spouse's income or their spouse's level of success and it becomes a threat and it really challenges their relationship. What would you say to that space where perhaps you are doing a lot of inner work or maybe you're reaching levels of success that are big and your spouse is threatened by that? What would you suggest for someone in that scenario?

BETH [31:36]

Yeah, for sure. So, what you would do is really harness that authentic you and really understand we can't change them. There's nothing we can ever do. You have to come at it with being like, "They're never going to change." Even though they might and often they do as you grow. There might be some backlash at first being they don't recognize this new you who's not combatant or not fighting back, but getting defensive. They're ready to be defensive over something. And all of a sudden, you're not. So it's weird in that first little in-between when things start to shift. But eventually a lot of times, I find that the husbands catch on and it just changes the whole relationship.

But if you're finding that they're not changing, they're not buying in, what you need to do more than ever is just really go in where you need to find that self-love. You've got to find the reasons why you don't feel like you're enough or the reasons why you might still feel their doubt on you is personal because we don't need to convince them.

If it's your journey, if your intuition is telling you, "This is what I want to do. This is my dream. My dream, my desire to have my own business, so I can create whatever your why is whether it's more time with your family, more financial freedom to be able to travel more," just tap into that why and you hold that why in your heart. And you can even picture your husband, your spouse in your heart with that why and just lovingly accept that that's where he's at now. That's where they are at and put them in your heart and with your why and just hold on to that piece. But you can't change them. We have to accept that and just keep working on yourself, so that you can get to that place like, "I do love myself. I accept myself. I know 100% this is the path I'm on for this reason."

CAMILLE [31:12]

That's really neat. I think that that's really special because I know someone who was in a really hard place with her spouse. And she said, "I'm giving this one year. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to choose happiness and no matter what happens, no matter what he says, what he does, the things he is upset about, I'm going to choose happiness and treat him with love. I'm giving it one year." And she was shocked by how much that decision changed her life, her own happiness, and eventually her marriage where it was almost a shock.

On his side, where he's like, "Why aren't you fighting back?" or "What's going on?" And she's like, "I'm just going to choose." And it wasn't something she told him. She wasn't like, "Okay. You're on your six month." It wasn't like that at all. It was just more this work that she did on her own and just knowing, "I'm choosing happiness" and I think that authentic self and that love and that's how I'm going to respond and it changed everything.

So, I have seen that firsthand. I'm sure that if you can work on that subconscious and that inner child, that shadow work, that a lot of us that maybe new verbiage that you're hearing for the first time, I think that if you can dig deep that really could contain so much magic for you and your potential. There are many episodes I have done about energy and exchange of energy and how business really is an exchange of energy. And if you're operating at a high vibration, then so many good things will come your way with yourself and your business and it's hard to bring about that energy and that happiness and that gratitude if you're not there in your mind.

So, let's talk a little bit about what you offer because I know that you offer a service where people can go through a program and hear about how this works. So, tell us a little bit about your program and what people can expect with this transition where you can help them do that?

BETH [35:23]

All right. So, my program is a 12-week program and it's called Marriage Saver, so Soulify Marriage Saver. It's a series of different modules that you work through to better dig into these triggers that are coming out, to dig into that inner child, to do that shadow work. And I can talk about shadow a little bit if we want to dig into that more exactly what it is.

I look at your true you blueprint. What are you authentically? What do you want? Because I find that so many moms, we lose that identity, forget who you are, almost like you're stuck. You feel like you have these dreams, but are they actually attainable? As a child, everyone told me, you can do what you want, but now as an adult, you're molded into this box of having to do this because you have so many responsibilities.

So, you get in touch with your true you. You can navigate these triggers and every emotion that comes up. You actually do a bit of a true you relationship just to figure out what is it that you need in your relationship. And money is such a big piece of this that I actually do some relationship money manifestation as well. So, that together with your partner, you can dig into some of the money blocks that you have. "I have to work hard to have money, but I don't have enough money?" or "We never have enough money." We dig into setting boundaries. So, how do you set a boundary with your partner? So, when you feel stuck in your business.

So, there's all these little modules that you can work through. I coach you one-on-one. You can get in touch with me every single day if you'd like through our Voxer app and I do some actual hypnotic deep meditation what I call the hypno-journeys. And we do that together and I'll dig into your mind and we'll actually one-on-one session. I'll get in there. It's a lot of fun. I get to play around and help you release that.

But one thing people do get a little nervous is, "Am I out of control?" With hypnosis, you're always 100% in control. Your subconscious will never ever reveal anything that it's not prepared to reveal. You're fully awake and you're aware of your surroundings. So, it is a very powerful tool and often we are in that state just before you fall asleep. It's called theta brainwaves sleep when you're dreamy, falling asleep or when you wake up, you're like, "I know I have to get up, but I still can sense some of my dreams." That's the exact state you're in. So, completely aware, but you're just a little bit more in that subconscious brain.

CAMILLE [37:30]

Yeah. And I can confirm that because having done my Hypnobabies training, they actually had a practice track for a spouse or a partner to do with you where it was just that very first walking you through it with an audio and having your eyes closed. And now, try to open your eyes and you shouldn't be able to open your eyes.

And my husband did it and he couldn't open his eyes. And he's like, "Oh my gosh. I'm so freaked out. This really worked." And he's like, "That's cool. I'm never going to do that again." He was so skeptical that it could work that when it did and he couldn't open his eyes, he was like, "That is so freaky." But I think it's a testimony that this actually works and that it is you're very much aware. You know what's around you. You can easily stop anytime if you needed to, but it's almost, like you said, that dreamlike state or another way that I've heard it described is where you're driving somewhere you've always been and you don't even realize until you get there. And then, you're like, "Oh, I'm already here."

And it's like you can go into that Zenlike state of mind where you're not as actively thinking about every single thing that's happening right in front of your eyes, but you're still very much aware. You're not driving off onto a curve or something like that. So, I think it's really powerful. Yeah. Let's talk about shadow work just for a quick minute for people who are hearing that for the first time and they're like, "What the heck is shadow work? Walk into a fantasy novel? What are we talking about?"

BETH [38:58]

For sure. I'll talk about that for one second. I just want to address just in case any of your listeners are a little worried why your husband's eyes wouldn't open. I just thought I would address that, explain the science behind that. So, what happened there was he was listening to some different journal prompts that got him into such a relaxed state. It got him out of his beta brain state. That's the thinking, planning sensuous brain state and got him so deeply relaxed that that part was able to step over to the side.

Your subconscious is very subjective. It absorbs everything that's around you and it can hear and it can follow instructions really well. With your subconscious mind, if you say, "I hate myself," it believes that. Even though your conscious mind would be like, "I don't believe myself." So, you can give suggestions and your subconscious believes it.

So, when you can quiet the conscious mind, that beta brain state and relax it, then your subconscious who likes these suggestions will close their eyes and it'll stay closed because it's a good little thing that's listening very well. But the moment you feel not as relaxed, you can just open your eyes again, so that you can open your eyes if you let yourself be like, "Okay. I'm not so relaxed anymore." So, it's not like you're stuck and you need whoever the therapist is working to tell you, "You can open your eyes." You can open them if you want. So, I just wanted to let your audience know that they're not stuck shut. You're just in such a deeply relaxed state that your subconscious is working its magic. Yeah. That's what happened.

So, shadow work. Shadow work is like a backpack. So, imagine that you have this backpack and it's carrying all those beliefs, all those emotions that you have never processed. So, like I said earlier, you were bullied, feeling like no one loves you or if someone passed away as a child and you felt sad, but the adults didn't really tell you or talk to you about it, you might have put that sadness in your backpack.

So, it's this amazing backpack where you put all your embarrassing thoughts, any times we feel jealous, anything that society tells us we're not really supposed to feel. You put those in your backpack and that backpack is your shadows. And a lot of times our inner actions and words all come from that backpack. So, when we get triggered, that's just a little clue as to what's in our backpacks. So, when I mentioned earlier that your partner may be projecting their own shadow emotions, their triggers onto you, that’s their own beliefs. So, shadows are just limiting beliefs or ingrained beliefs that aren't in your highest good.

CAMILLE [41:16]

So, when you're dealing with someone else's shadow and you can't control what that looks or how that's dealt with, but they're thrusting their shadows on you, even demanding an answer for their own issue, what would you say would be the best way to respond to that?

BETH [41:34]

So, I'm trying to think of an example. Let's see. So, if your partner was to say, "You're going to leave those dishes in the sink." They have this belief that a house always has to be clean because maybe that's how they grew up. Before the kids go to bed, the dishes are done. The counters are wiped, so they're projecting on to you, "Why are the dishes not done? Why are you leaving them in the sink?"

So, that's their beliefs. So again, we can't change that, but we can stand in our authentic self and lovingly be like, "You know what? I have a lot going on tonight. I promise I'll do them first thing in the morning." And then, you're coming from your authentic self. If they still want them done right away, you just have to repeat yourself. Because whatever is your best good, you don’t want to do something that's going to lower your vibe. You want to stay in that high vibe and your priority right now is, "You know what? I'm done with the dishes. I’m done with the cleaning. I need to respect my own energy. I know it's time for me to go to bed." So, it's just staying within your worth, your deservingness, your self love and kindly lovingly projecting that onto them and showing them where you're at with that belief.

CAMILLE [42:34]

I love the words you used. I need to protect my own energy because it's coming as an I statement, which is what we are taught we should do. It's not saying you, you, you. It's an I because you can only speak for yourself and be in that authentic space and present that in that way. So, I really like that where that's a really nice way of framing it, but still acknowledging that it's not happening tonight. You’re done.

Or making dinner every night, I know that can be really hard when you're giving, giving, giving and you have nothing left for dinner. And you're just like, "It's just not happening. I'm exhausted" or "I'm done." So, you could apply that same statement of, "I am tapped out. My energy is out today. I know it's not ideal, but we need to pick something up or whatever that looks like." Would you suggest that that same language could apply there as well?

BETH [43:32]

For sure, yeah. Absolutely. It's really going inward and knowing what you want. If your gut's saying, "You know what? Let's order pizza tonight," but you feel like, "Oh, I need to provide a healthy meal for my kids, my family," that's a belief. That's a belief being like, "I should." Anytime you should, could, would yourself, it means it's not authentically yours. And the same thing if you should somebody else, it probably means you're projecting a belief onto them that isn't actually serving you. So, absolutely. Go inward. Be like, "My energy says I just need to order pizza," then order pizza. Work through that belief that you always every night have to cook a homemade meal or whatever that belief is that you have.

CAMILLE [44:07]

And so, what if those expectations are coming from your spouse? What if he is saying you should, could? Why isn't dinner not done? And then, what? Just come back with the same?

BETH [44:19]

Yeah, absolutely. And then, maybe that's something that you need to in that night for sure you've got to stand your ground in that one or maybe you will compromise that night. I think going forward, having a conversation and being like, "Based on what I'm experiencing with my new job or with the business I'm creating, I find that instead of cooking homemade meals five times a week that maybe we should do batch cooking on Sunday where we make a whole bunch of certain meals and then we can eat them as leftovers" or start to problem solve.

So, yeah, maybe that one night, you compromise. You don’t have to completely stand in your authenticness, which is saying, "I don’t want to cook," but, "Maybe together we can do it." And then, going forward, have that conversation, that planning, but knowing that your energy going forward, you don't want to deplete it all on making meals. You need to come up with a new plan.

CAMILLE [45:04]

Yeah. I love it. Beth, this has been so great. I love that it's about love. It's coming forth with really tapping into your own emotions and coming to your relationship with acceptance and really listening and problem solving together and those are all things that we talked about today. And I'm so grateful for this conversation. I feel like it's going to help a lot of people. Please let our audience know where they can find you and look into the offerings that you have.

BETH [45:30]

You can find me on Instagram, Facebook @soulifywellness and I have some more tips and tricks. If you want to download a free guide, it's called how to save your marriage, so it's this guide that has some actual tips in it and you can get that at freemarriageguide.com.

CAMILLE [45:46]

Perfect. Well, thank you so much. This has been so wonderful. I really appreciate your time today.

BETH [45:51]

Thank you so much.

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CAMILLE [45:58]

If you loved today's episode, which I really hope you did, please join in on the conversation on Instagram with me @callmeceopodcast or DM me personally @camillewalker.co on Instagram. I love getting messages from you. I love my audience to connect with me. And if you have an idea or a business you want to share, I am all ears. I think that this group of women that we've established here is incredible and I am inspired by you every single day. So, thank you for being here. I really mean it. Talk to you soon!

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