171: The Dangers of Overfunctioning and What to Do Instead | Dr Whitney Casares

WHITNEY CASARES [00:00]

Knowing who you are, what do you need, what are the things that you could never change. And then also, knowing what do you want, what are the areas where you want to focus your time and attention?

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CAMILLE WALKER [00:19]

So, you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business sharing your voice. How do women do it that handle motherhood, family, and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know. This is Call Me CEO.

[MUSIC]

Hey, if you've ever wondered how to take care of yourself while taking care of everyone else, I have author and Dr. Whitney Casares who has just written the book, Doing it All: Stop Over-Functioning, and Become the Mom and Person You’re Meant to Be. This is an amazing book with very clear step-by-step procedures of how to get that life that you're looking for. Let's get into it.

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Welcome back everyone to Call Me CEO. This is Camille Walker, your host. And today, we have our first repeat guest is Dr. Whitney Casares, and she is an incredible person. She's written multiple books. And today, we are speaking specifically about her newest book, which is Doing it All: Stop Over-Functioning, and Become the Mom and Person You’re Meant to Be, which obviously is very much in alignment with our group here.

And when she came on before, she actually wrote the book called The Working Mom Blueprint. So, obviously you can tell that she is right along the lines of what we talk about here, which is women and mothers doing incredible things. How do you handle it all? That's the whole purpose of this podcast and also sharing the magic of what incredible women like Whitney are doing. So, Whitney, thank you for being on the show again.

WHITNEY [01:55]

Thank you for having me. I'm so honored that I'm your first repeat guest.

CAMILLE [02:00]

I am really excited about it. I actually looked it up, and you were episode number 37. I believe this one will be 172 maybe, something like that, which is mindblowing to me. It's so fun because I feel like every time I do an interview, it's creating a new friend. And so, it's like I get to see my friend again. So, I'm really excited to talk to you about your newest book. And wow, what a journey you've been on. First introduce yourself a little bit better than I did even more and what inspired you to write this new book.

WHITNEY [02:34]

Totally. So, yes, I am a pediatrician. First and foremost, that's how I was trained. And I really care a ton, though not just about kids, but about the parents that are taking care of them. I thought I would be an OBGYN, way back when, and then realized I actually have way more impact when I'm actually able to follow that family over time.

But the more and more that I talked to moms in my practice and after I had kids, I realized there were so many commonalities between the struggles that I face as a working mom and the struggles that my patients' parents face and felt like we started having this real talk, just like you and I have become friends and you resonate with each other, that I'd be in my office and these moms would be like, "Yes, oh my gosh, you did it."

And so, I decided way back when to write a blog that was about all things motherhood and parenting and being a working mom. I've written a couple books about it. This is my first book, though, that is fully focused on the experience of the mom herself. The other two books that I wrote were great. They're with The American Academy of Pediatrics. They were very focused on kid health. And this one is like, okay, we have all these things we tell moms to do to be "good moms." And by that, I mean an effective mom.

But there's way too many messages out there. We have to narrow it down, hone in on what really matters, but also, we have to give moms a strong enough foundation and enough bandwidth and enough sense of self to be able to actually implement it. Because I don't know about you, Camille, but I feel like people that tell me what to do until I'm blue in the face. But if I'm stressed or overwhelmed or distracted, I'm not going to do the right things for my kids, even if I know what's the right thing to do. It's just really hard to put things into practice when you're not in a good space yourself.

CAMILLE [04:30]

Yeah. I feel like it's that Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, where it's like if you're not starting at that base, and I feel like a family is that way, it's that system of how are things going to get done if mom and dad aren't taking care of themselves first? And that goes for mental health and wellness and physical and also your relationship.

And I think a lot of times, that pyramid can be flipped upside down where our little people are so good at telling us what they need in the moment or there are fires going on in the house or the family or school or homework or whatever the things are, and we've heard this before, it's like losing ourselves where we put those very basic foundational needs at the top when they should be at bottom, depending on which end of the pyramid we're talking about here.

But I love that that is what your book is all about, is that it's very foundational. What are we going to do in a very simplified day-to-day way that we can create a sense of a system and also that wellness that is so important?

WHITNEY [05:34]

Yes. So, most of the moms that I meet doing the podcast or through coaching that I do really, their sense of self, like you said, is lost. But also, they feel like personal failures. There's something wrong with them that they constantly feel like they're on a hamster wheel, that they're constantly running around, when really, I believe that it's about not having a system that's in place.

And I liken this to starting a business. If you were to start a business, like many of your listeners, you would not just throw things against a wall and see what stuck. You would start, if you wanted to be successful, with a strategy. You would audit maybe other people's businesses, see what worked well, see what didn't. You create a strategy, and then you would keep on redefining that strategy over time.

And that's what moms need to do. Also, if they want to be successful at work-life integration. And some of the biggest resistance that I get from moms understandably is they're like, "I don't have time, that's too much work. That's an extra thing to do on top." But again, going back to the business model, it actually saves you time. It helps you to actually harness your own energy. It makes it so that you don't waste your resources for an extended period of time when you start with those foundational steps.

CAMILLE [07:01]

Yeah, cool. I'm excited to talk about this because I'm super passionate about this. I'm also very passionate in the belief that your system can look different from mine. Mine can look different from yours and hers and the other girl and down the street and whomever. It's really about finding what systems work for you, but there are pieces that can be universal.

So, we're going to talk about universal pieces today that you can modify and make your own. So, let's dive into that. What does that look like for creating a sturdy foundation when creating systems in our families or in our lives for success?

WHITNEY [07:37]

Okay. So, two parts. Number one is understanding what you want out of life. What are your priorities? What are your values? In the book, I walk through multiple ways you can do this, but the most common way that people do this is through a visioning exercise.

So, think about a vision board where you might be like, I want to create my best life. In this version, it's not, though, you sitting on an island drinking a pina colada. It's like you in your real life, but you feeling satisfied at the end of the day. You're not feeling exhausted at the end of the day. So, you can do it either through visioning this and then delineating what are my values, what are my priorities that came out of that? Or you could do it through an exercise that I put in the book where you list out and you circle, this is a list of different values or priorities that exist. What things actually resonate with me, what do I want to write down?

And you can use those to then create like, okay, here are five buckets. Here are five areas where I want to focus the vast majority of my time and my energy every day or every week or every year, then you can figure out after that, okay, there's a bunch of other stuff that has to get done. But I'm always comparing those requests on my time, those obligations against these values and these priorities.

And if it doesn't match up with my top values and priorities, those top five, okay, then I just need some strategies to deal with that stuff, but I can't let it define me. So, you got to figure out what do I want to say yes to so that when all the other requests come, you can be either like, I'm going to have to pass that, or I'm going to say no completely, I'm going to give it to somebody else, or does it fit with me, or maybe later, or in a certain way? So, that's step one is really figuring out who are you in terms of what you want, where do you want to be, what are the things that give you life, give you energy?

The other piece is understanding who you are in terms of your deepest self, your inner knowing piece. There are some authors that talk about things in that way. And the way that you do that is three things. One is self-compassion. So, when you come into situations where you feel guilty, where maybe someone asks you to contribute to the bake sale at school, and you have absolutely no interest in doing this, but you can go, wow, I feel guilty, and then say, that's really interesting. Okay, I feel that way. That makes sense I feel that way because I have a lot going on, and people put this request on me and I want to be a good mom to my kids.

Then you can put yourself in a room of a million other people, moms that would feel that exact same way. So, this common humanity, I bet I'm not alone in feeling like this is a huge waste of my time or my resources. And then after that pause, you can make a decision about does this request line up with those values or those priorities? So, self-compassion is a big one.

The other one is understanding your needs, not just in what are my priorities or activities that bring me joy? But also what are the basic way that I was built? What's my DNA? So, for example, I am built to need a lot of space. I need quiet time, I need to not be around other people. Half the time, my husband would be like, "Do you want to watch a movie?" "No, I want to go to a coffee shop by myself." I'm an extroverted introvert.

So, everybody has their own wiring and specific things that are your needs. One huge way to be able to tell what these are for working moms, because a lot of times, if you're like, "You should do something that will make you happy. What do you need?" They're like, "I don't even know what that is." Look at what are the things you complain about? Are you always like, "Oh, my gosh, my kids are pulling on me every which way, they're always climbing on me"? Okay, then you need some physical distance from people. Are you like, "I'm constantly exhausted"? Okay, maybe I need some rest. Are you like, "I feel like I am the only one that does anything in this house"? Maybe you need more help in your business, a virtual assistant or in your home, maybe you need to work on the home equity piece, which I talk a ton about in the book. So, paying attention to your needs, what are the things that will make it so you feel whole and rested and your best self?

And then, the last one is radical acceptance. So, accepting what are the circumstances of your life and of the world that either will never change or are slower to change than you want them to? What I don't want moms to do is to get to their 80th birthday party, especially working moms, and be like, "Darn, if there had been better paid parental leave and if I had had better childcare in the US and all of those things, I could have actually been happy in my life."

The reality is those things could take decades to change. And I actually can't control all of that stuff as much as I want to. I'm going to keep on advocating for it, I'm going to keep on working toward it. But in the meantime, I can only control what I can control. Similarly, in your personal life, my oldest daughter has autism. I love her. She's an amazing human being. My life would be much easier if my daughter did not have autism, but I can't change it. So, I could spend a lot of my energy fighting against that. Of course, I've grieved it, that's all fine. But I could just sit in, this is what it is. And I wish it was different. Or I could go, okay, this is what it is. Now, what? How am I going to live my life, even as the circumstances are not perfect?

So those are two categories, knowing who you are, what do you need, what are the things that you can never change? And then, also knowing what do you want, what are the areas where you want to focus your time and attention?

CAMILLE [13:34]

Yeah. There's a lot to unpack there. I feel like this is a lot of the pieces that I go into with people that I coach one on one, because I feel like sometimes, you almost need someone to walk you through that. Not that you have to. The book is fantastic. But sometimes, it's actually sitting down and dissecting those discoveries about yourself.

One of my favorite resources is a website called www.understand.me. And it's a place where you can do a bunch of different personality tests all in one place so that you can then share that information with your team members or your significant other or even your kids.

So, for example, if you wanted to look mine up, it's www.understand.me/camillewalker. And if you look that up, you'll see what my color code is, what my love language is, what my ENFJ is or whatever that one's called, the DISC, and then also the Enneagram.

WHITNEY [14:26]

There's an Enneagram one? Nice.

CAMILLE [14:28]

Yes. And so, it's really all in one place. And some of them are free. Some of them are something if you do the full version, you have to pay for it. But what's really cool about that is if you're wondering or if you're having a hard time coming up with the buckets of what are my core values or what makes me tick or what do I get excited about? I feel like sometimes those personality tests can help walk you through it a little bit and help you to define that, because defining those values and really allocating your time and knowing what it is that you want to do and how you want to do it, that's a big piece of homework. That's a big piece of homework for all of us to do.

So, I love that you start with that. Because if you don't have those answers to reference with all the other decisions you're making, no one else can do that for you. You really have to do that for yourself.

WHITNEY [15:16]

Yeah, absolutely. So, a coach obviously is helpful. I've worked with a therapist for a long time. And that's how I figured out a lot of these, like I'm not compassionate to myself about this area. This area, I give myself a ton of compassion. But this one, man, I don't. And why is that?

In the book, we made it a workbook. Just so you can see here for your listeners and for people who are watching the video, there's all kinds of places where you can actually go through. Of course, there's stories and stuff, but there's also places where you can begin that journey and then see for yourself, where do I need additional help? What's the next step I need to take?

Because like I said, I know moms are busy. I know they don't have time to go spend 10 hours at a retreat learning all this stuff. And so, how can we give people bite size amounts of information that can inspire them to go, oh, my gosh, maybe my life could be easier if I dove into this one particular area?

And then also, what's the framework I can come back to again and again? Because I'm not perfect, I fall off the wagon of living according to my priorities and values and giving myself self-compassion every single day. So, I know, though, when I go down the wrong path, okay, now I know I need to stop and pause and regroup and go back to this framework.

CAMILLE [16:40]

I love that. As far as putting together systems for success, what would you say is the best place to start for that beyond these questions? So, now, we've identified values, we know what we want to say yes to, we've gone through those steps of answering, which I don't mean to brush by them, because it takes time and it's a lot of effort, but what are some systems that say you've implemented that have helped you to run your home more efficiently?

WHITNEY [17:07]

Yeah, exactly. Because then, there's a real world of all the stuff that shouldn't define us, but it has to get done. Okay. So, I break these into four categories. So, if you think of the things that you care the most about, they define you, your center points, those are a circle in the inside of a box. And the whole box is your life. And then, the circle is the stuff you care the most about. On the outside of the circle but inside the box is all the other stuff that has to get done.

In the right-hand corner, I put the non-negotiables. These are the things that you have to do. It's only on you, you've got to do it. So, in my house, I do the laundry. There's other things my partner does, but I do laundry. So, I have a system where on Thursday night, from 7 to 9, that's the only time that I fold and put away laundry. I can wash. I can dry because that part's easy. It's the folding and putting away that takes a long time. So, I can wash and dry throughout the week, but then it sits in a pile.

And then, when I'm ready on that night, from 7 to 9, I fold it and I put it away. If it's not done, although it always is done because it doesn't take more than two hours to fold the laundry, then it goes until the next week. I have a set place for that specific project that needs to happen in the week.

The other piece that you can use in the section is really selective mediocrity. So, half-assing things on purpose. What are things I don't care about? I don't care that my emails are really long and amazing. I'll write an email that's one word like, "Absolutely. Agreed. Thanks."

CAMILLE [18:42]

Yes. I do, too.

WHITNEY [18:45]

It doesn't need to be flowery or if you have templates that you use. You and I do stuff for podcasting. When I do a blog, I have a template that's used every single time, so I don't do it over and over and over again.

Okay. Second category is the swapables. These are the things that you do not need to be doing. They don't need to be on your plate. So, laundry is on my plate, but maybe in your house, this is something you should be handing off to somebody else.

CAMILLE [19:11]

My kids.

WHITNEY [19:12]

Yes, your kids. Exactly. Kids are a great place for this, teaching them chores. Pediatrician hat on, chores are the best thing possible we could do for our kids, that and doing community service types of things where you're helping people that are less fortunate than you.

But, yeah, what could a virtual assistant be doing for you? What could a ghostwriter be doing for you? What could a podcast producer be doing for you? In my case, I'm not great at grammar and punctuation stuff. So, what could somebody do for me as I'm writing my books? I have all the stories, all the ideas, but they could do that.

Next category is the contaminators. So, these are all the things that fill up your agenda or your home that take a bunch of energy to clean it up. You're constantly looking at it. It causes distraction. Or all of us have those meetings where we sit through it, we've wasted half an hour, we're like, oh, my gosh, it's so terrible. Why do I need to be in this? So, how can you audit your calendar and teach people how to do this, to say, oh, my gosh, this is fluff, I need to get rid of this. Okay.

And then, last category, which is the hardest, are the heartstrings. So, these are places where it's a tug on your heart, you want to do them, but you need some healthy boundaries around them. So, my best example in my own life is my dad. He has Parkinson's. He's an amazing person, I want to spend a lot of time with him, but he has a lot of medical issues. I'm the medical person in the family. I could literally have a full-time job of just helping my dad and my mom to make sure they're emotionally taken care of and physically taken care of. But I can't because I have other stuff going on. So, how do I make sure I'm giving in a way that feels like I'm honoring them, but also that protects my peace and my energy at the same time?

So those are the four categories. And really, everything falls in one category or is a mix of two categories. And I would say I gave you one or two strategies for each. But really, there's in the book five or six strategies for each one that you can use, because some things need you to do a half job at it, some things need you just to do it with an algorithm that you use.

CAMILLE [21:24]

And I think maybe most importantly is when you have that foundation of knowing what your priorities are and your values are, of knowing who you are of what you need and what you stand for, then you can actually implement the strategies. Because the problem is without that, a lot of books will start first with strategy. Here's the hacks, here's the things to do. But a lot of times, it's not sustainable if you don't believe as a working mom that you actually deserve to have your needs and your priorities at the forefront of your life. You'll fall back.

Yes. And every mom is a working mom, whether it's inside, outside, home all the time, any woman that is a mother is a working mom, in my opinion. And so, one of the trickiest are those heartstring tasks. And I feel like what's helped me the most in situations like that is to have really clear open communication, especially if it comes to my kids.

And one thing, this isn't work related but on a personal note, I have my 40th birthday coming up. I think this is probably going to be live mid-January, I turn 40 at the end of January. And right now, I'm planning my trip. I'm doing an adults-only weekend.

And my seven-year-old said, "Can I come?" And that just broke my heart into little pieces. But I said, "No, this one's for adults only. But we're for sure going to schedule one with you kids, too." And it was funny because I was having the same conversation with my daughter, who's almost 13 now. And she said, "But we're not coming?" And I said, "No, this is a different trip. It's adults only, but we'll do one." And she's like, "I'm kidding, Mom, you should go have fun. This is totally for you." She gets it.

And I think that that's what's really cool is that if you can talk to your kids, whether it's work-related or personal, it's really important for you to tell them the why, not that you have to explain yourself, but to let them be in on it. And I said to my daughter, "When you're a parent someday ,you'll see that vacationing with your girlfriends, or with adults only, it's very different from when you go with your family. And I love going with you. But sometimes it's nice to go with no kids fighting."

And I think that those heartstrings situations can be delicate, especially with your father and generational care, whether it's for younger or older, that is so challenging. But if you can be really open and clear with yourself, I think that that's a big piece of it is really being open with that because when I have talked with people, speaking of Enneagram, who are type 2s and just love to care and give and to nurture the people around them, it can be so difficult for them to even think about taking care of themselves. And it's really easy to get lost in taking care of other people because it is so fulfilling, but it can also be so draining.

And then, you have nothing left to give even for yourself, which that's tricky stuff. You really have to dig down into it. And I think it's really helpful to have someone in your corner who can see that. And whether it's your partner or a friend who can say, "Hey, why don't you take some time for you? What about this or what about this boundary?" Because sometimes it can be hard to recognize that ourselves, I've found. I don't know. What do you think about that?

WHITNEY [24:57]

Yeah. No, I 100% think you need an outside gaze. I think that you need somebody else who can look at your life. And that's why I go to therapy. Therapy or a coach or, yes, your partner, sometimes, of course. What I have learned is in terms of the modern parenting village, because we all don't live in the same way where we're like it's the 1950s and we live next door to the other mom who's baking cookies for her kids and whatnot, most of us. My parenting village looks all weird and disjointed, but it fits different needs.

So, my husband is great at weighing in on certain things where I might need a stronger boundary or he can weigh in. But there's other things where if I ask him, he's like, "I don't know. Do what you want. I don't know." You know what I mean? And same, I feel like when you talk to a therapist, that there are some things that they're amazing at. And then, otherwise, they're like, "I don't know. It's not my specialty."

CAMILLE [25:53]

Right, because we all have different lenses and experiences for sure.

WHITNEY [25:58]

Totally. Yeah. My mom is a great source of support on some things, but not others. So, it's okay for there not to be one group that's your end all be all or one person. Let it be that it's weird and diverse, and you have some things you pay for and some things you don't pay for, and some relatives and some not. Because everybody has a different way that they can speak into your life if you can be vulnerable with them on the things that you can trust them with. So, I 100% agree with you on the boundaries.

One thing I was going to say about the people who have a hard time, the type 2s, where they just care and care and care, because I'm a type 2, I care so deeply, is that this is what happens when you care to the point of being a martyr. Unfortunately, the end result is almost always resentment, and, yes, bitterness. And eventually, that resentment and bitterness comes out somewhere, there's always a consequence.

So, it comes with fatigue, it comes with body aches and headaches, or it comes with you snap at your kids or you snap at your partner, or it comes out you don't produce the best work professionally, or you burn the lasagna at home, if that's what you're doing. Whatever, it always is going to end up sabotaging not just the people that you care about, but also yourself.

And then, what you're going to do is double down and carry even more and get yourself into that cycle. So, when I get myself in that position where I am like I'm just doing too much, I feel resentful. I'm over functioning, I really have had to learn how to stop myself and take a look and just pause for a moment to be like, okay, why am I doing that right now?

Is it because I'm listening to this message from the world that I can do everything and be everything all at once? Okay. All right, pause. No, I'm not doing that. Or is it because I need some rest and I haven't asked for what I need? It's so amazing to care for people, but it's not just a trope that you have to fill your cup first, it actually does cause a river of damage, like flood damage, when you're unable to do it. So, it's not a nice to-do, I would say, especially for the people who are type 2s and who give and give and give and give and give. When you give something to yourself, it actually allows you to give more later.

CAMILLE [28:29]

Yeah, I love how you said that about it being a river that has overflow and runoff and the damage that it can cause because I think that sometimes I'm a three wing, too. So, I'm an achiever, I want to do it all. And then, I also want to care for people. So, it's like a double whammy.

But I find when I get to a place of too much that I love how you said it comes out physically because I will get more headaches or my shoulder, my neck tension. In fact, there was a period of time that I went through just last year where one of my children was going through a really hard time mentally. And without even noticing I was doing this, I was holding my left shoulder up and holding it tight and not even realizing that I was doing it. My body remembers this so well. Even now, I have to think, release. That's something I have to mentally say in my head, "Release, release, release." Because I'll hold it tight.

I've done this before in years past with my jaw. And I don't do that right now, but think about your own body. And if you're holding, your body will react physically to what's going on mentally and what you're giving and if there are places in your body where you're holding that tension, that is because you're not giving yourself enough rest, whether that be mentally or physically, whatever that means.

I think that's exactly what you're saying as a doctor because I'll look at that and be like, it's this left side. And then, I think I'm holding it tight without even realizing. And even as I did it just then, it felt so comfortable to do it. I almost was like, yeah, that's just my natural state. It's only on that side, which some people will get really into that and be like, that's your masculine side.

WHITNEY [30:16]

We can go down such a rabbit hole.

CAMILLE [30:18]

Yeah. I know. But I would just encourage everyone who's listening to pay attention to your body because it will speak to you, and that if there are tensions or if you're getting sick a lot or if you're having migraines or if there's overwhelm, of course, there's all the physical situations going on, too. But I do think it's true that our body will respond to the stressors that we give it. And it's fascinating to me how intertwined they are.

WHITNEY [30:45]

Yeah. Okay. What you said about how your body then just starts to think that that's its natural state, that's what happens in our lives and in our minds, as well, when we're constantly over functioning or we're constantly in a place of doing everything for everyone, going so fast that we never stop and think about our own needs. Then have you ever had it be that you go on a vacation, and then it's terrible? You hate it, to slow down, to not do anything, to be in a place of quiet, that's worse because your body and your mind is used to running on this constant to-do list.

So if, as a listener, you find yourself sometimes being like I actually can't function unless I'm in a high stress state, that might be an indication that you've put yourself into that being a constant over-functioning piece of your life. And I think you have to just practice in small amounts, you're not going to go cold turkey. Now, I'm just going to go off on a vacation for two weeks and never do anything, put your feet up, but it might mean that it's your body telling you like, okay, I actually need to slow things down.

And just giving yourself even 10 seconds more in the shower, where you take a couple of deep breaths, or maybe in the car ride on the way to work if you're someone who works outside of the home, that you don't put the radio on or a song on, maybe that instead of trying to fill those five minutes as you're waiting for your kids to walk out of school when you're waiting at the pickup line, like I do, being like, okay, I'm just going to be be quiet with my thoughts. Because I'm so used to, we're all so used to filling every single moment.

CAMILLE [32:23]

Yeah. I'm parked here, better post my social media or I better check my emails. Yeah. I like that. We're actually looking at possibly getting a sauna for those specific. And what's really funny though, and this goes back to being a type 3, is we love to multitask. So, I'm like, okay, if I'm in a sauna, I may as well be stretching and also listening to an audiobook. I'm thinking about all the things I can do at once, which in some circumstances, that can be restful to me, if I'm listening to a recreational book, rather than something where it makes me feel like I have to do more.

In fact, I started listening to audiobooks as I'm falling asleep at night, I put it on a timer. Because if you have a busy mind, like I do, sometimes if I just listen to my thoughts, I'll think about too many of my to-dos or maybe something I didn't get to during the day or maybe something that I'm anticipating that I'm worried about or whatever. So, I started to listen to audiobooks that aren't for production. They're just for recreation. And I allow myself to think thoughts of something else.

And that's been really wonderful for me to give myself that time, whether it's out for a walk or when I'm falling asleep at night or folding the laundry, I really do enjoy having the silence, but also listening to something that isn't telling me, giving me more thoughts of I should implement that into my business and you don't go off into a tangent of production, which isn't a bad thing when you do those things.

WHITNEY [34:04]

Being productive is amazing. You can't just be in it all the time.

CAMILLE [34:07]

All the time. Yeah, it's that releasing into the feminine and just taking that purposeful time to rest. As we're wrapping up here, this has been so awesome. I've loved it so much. I love to hear what people's rituals are, if you have any, for the morning or the evening routines. I'm guessing that you do. I don't know. But do you have any sort of morning or nighttime ritual?

WHITNEY [34:33]

Yeah, okay. So, I do have some rituals, but I try to not stay too tied to them because I think as someone who again is a type A recovering perfectionist, it can become easy for me to go, I didn't do that. So, now, the whole day is all messed up. You know what I mean? Why have it?

But my favorite thing to do, which sets me up for so much success and intentionality throughout the day, is we moved to a new house. And it has a bit of a view that overlooks Portland. And so, I just go out there with my cup of coffee, and I mix it up. One time, I'll write in my journal free thoughts, morning pages, three pages of whatever I'm feeling. Sometimes, I'll write these are my to-dos or things that I really care about the most during this day for my business. And then, sometimes I'll write stuff that's personal. These are my things that I really want to think about for my kids.

So, my priorities right now are trying to have my oldest daughter find some activity that she can really get involved in before she goes off to middle school. So, she has more of a community. So, thinking about, okay, what do I need to research so that way, she's in a good spot there? So, I try to divide it up that way. Good cup of coffee,a view, and a little bit of journaling, and just setting my intention for the day of what I want to focus on.

The other thing that helps me a ton is movement. And I have found I am not a good early morning exerciser. So, even though I would love to get up at 6 o'clock in the morning, and I have done that in the past, and that is a great way to start your day and be like I already like ruled the world, now, I'm ready to go, I end up having to cut out too much time at night with my family and my husband. And I'm like, "Sorry, I got to go to bed at 8:30, deuces, I'm out of here."

So, what I've done is actually instead of trying to put exercise and movement into my workday is I do my work, and then when my kids come home at 3, we spend an hour or two together. And then, starting at 5 in between that nighttime, dinner time, and workday is when I do a workout to set myself up for success and feeling like, okay, I didn't have to break up the day with exercising and showering and driving to the place. But I'm still getting that time that's for myself, it tends to reset the day and make me more energized if I have any leftover stuff I need to get to.

CAMILLE [37:00]

How do you get dinner done if you're working out at 5?

WHITNEY [37:02]

Man, there's a whole thing in the book about this. Okay. So, here's my deal. So, on Sundays, we do meal planning. So, we'll create some meals that are preset for the day where maybe I'm going to make a crock pot meal or something that's super easy on the days that I'm home and not in my clinic. On the days that I'm in clinic, I buy stuff at the grocery store. So, I'm like, okay, a baguette, a rotisserie chicken, and a bag of broccoli that I could put in the microwave and steam. And that's dinner. And then on Friday nights, we get takeout. And then, my husband, again, swapables, is in charge of the other couple nights a week.

So, yes, I try to mix it up so that I'm spending the least amount of time as possible on dinner. But then on the weekends, on Saturdays and Sundays, I love to cook something that's really fun and go to the store and find a recipe because I'm not trying to focus on everything else then.

CAMILLE [38:02]

That's smart. I like that a lot. This has been absolutely wonderful. Thank you for being my return guest appearance. It's been so helpful. And what I loved, too, so much about what you share, Whitney, is that it's very much about a team effort. It's not that you have to wear all the hats, and you have to do all the things.

And if you're listening to this right now and thinking, I need some help with strategy, figuring this out, or even hiring a team, that is actually what I do. So, if you're listening to this, you need the help, you want to hire a virtual assistant that is incredible, I have stay-at-home moms who go through my 60 Days to VA program, who become virtual assistants to be able to stay at home with their babies and have their own business. And it's an incredible opportunity to match up my busy entrepreneur friends with these amazing women who are talented beyond measure.

So, I love that. It's so in line with what I do and everything that's happening here. So, please tell everyone where they can find you and find this amazing book. I'm hoping by the time this comes out, it'll be coming out within a week or two of this going live. So, you'll have to give us that date again. I can't remember exactly. I think you said January 21st. Is that right?

WHITNEY [39:13]

23rd. Yeah, so it comes out January 23rd. So just in time for you're going to get all these messages around new year, new you, nope. New year, same you, but you can make that version of you, somebody could show up as your best self. Yeah.

WHITNEY 39:31

So, January 23rd, you can preorder it on Amazon, wherever books are sold. If you go through my website, which is www.modernmommydoc.com until the book comes out, January 23rd, I am doing a thing where you can sign up actually to get one hour of a free consultation with me to go through the foundations, work on some of that, value setting and prioritizing settings. So, that way when you get the book, you're like, I'm ready to go. Ready to rock on this.

CAMILLE [40:00]

That's awesome. Thank you. We'll make sure to link to that below. And again, thank you for tuning in. We love reviews. We love shares. That helps other women to find success just like you. Thank you so much for your support.

Hey, if you are new here, please subscribe. I would love to have you be a part of every week episode where we talk about women and mothers creating incredible businesses and also how they manage it all. Make sure that you are subscribed, and please feel free to share.

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast episode. If you are interested specifically in getting coaching or strategy from me, you can reach out to me at callmeceopodcast@gmail.com You can also go to www.camillewalker.co to apply to be on the podcast and/or hire a virtual assistant or take my virtual assistant course. It's really fun to bring all of these incredible people together and help you to create the life balance that you've been dreaming of. Thanks for tuning in.

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